This is just so sad

by troubled mind 23 Replies latest jw friends

  • troubled mind
    troubled mind

    Since we have faded from the hall most everyone avoids us except for a couple of young ones that will stop by for a visit . Last night a young woman in her twenties came over we talked about several things, and she brought up that a while back she had seriously thought of suicide . I asked if there were reasons as to why ? She said she had been working very hard for five months to become an, but the brothers would not approve her application. She said she has never been in any trouble ever and is averageing 10 hours a month in service ( besides working and college) Yet another young sister who has been reproved several times was approved to auxillary . She said she felt like everyone hated her and that if you don't have the right connections then you'll never be really accepted in this hall . It was so sad . I asked if she had discussed her feelings with anyone ,and she said no ....I was the only one that knew . I tried to reason with her that the person she really is inside is what matters not some paper saying how many hours she volunteers . But we both know how the Kingdom hall dynamics work, you are never anybody unless you are bestowed the wonderful privelges . She is in her mid twenties and I don't know how I should proceed ...I can not bear the crush of another suicide so close to me .She is an adult and maybe she just needed to be heard . Do I get more involved ? Her mother is fragile in health and I am afraid to discuss this with her . Should I talk again with the young woman and convince her to either tell her Dad or some other relative so they can persue other help if need be ? Right now she is no longer having these thoughts , but from my own experience I know how fast things can change .

  • nelly136

    at least she knows she can come talk to you, if she talks to jws she will get told to pray more and spend more time throwing herself into devoting more time to the borg to make things right

  • fullofdoubtnow

    I'd just be her listening ear for now, but if you suspect that she is thinking suicidal thoughts again, then you would need to take more drastic action.

  • Dansk
    I'd just be her listening ear for now

    Agreed! But eventually, somehow, I'd bring the conversation round for her to see how misled she's been by the Org. Not easy, I know - and with potential hurtful ramifications. But I, too, know of too many suicides caused by this heinous cult!


  • troubled mind
    troubled mind

    Last night I said more than I probably should have about my true feelings about the so called truth. I have tried to be some what obscure about this until now because I know she really believes it's the truth . I let her know how the pressure with in the organization had affected me as a youth and how age and experience has taught me a few lessons . She thinks that it is a local problem of mid west narrow mindedness instead of an organizational problem .She is originally from the south and feels people think differently on issues there compared to here .

  • jstalin

    Just go slow. Be a listener. She has already said that she recognizes problems, at least locally. The more she talks about it, the more she'll think about it. Let her convince herself! Just be there to listen!

  • inbyathread

    Be the listening ear. If you say anything to anyone else she might feel you betrayed her confidences and you'll lose the ability to be there for her when she really needs a friend. If suicidal thoughts come up again, certainly you need to address them with her and possibly a third party.

    Is there a suicide hotline number that you could have on hand? Just in case.

  • done4good
    She thinks that it is a local problem of mid west narrow mindedness instead of an organizational problem .She is originally from the south and feels people think differently on issues there compared to here .

    In my experience, the organization tends to "amplify" the mid west mindset. There definately is a more narrow minded sense in the mw from what I seen on the east coast, but it tends to manifest itself in unusual ways in the organization. Many more things are considered "questionable", for example. In this case, it will be a bit more challenging to get her to separate the two.


  • BlackSwan of Memphis
    BlackSwan of Memphis

    If you have her address and can do so, maybe send her a card to let her know you're available for her.
    Maybe do that just every so often.
    At the same time if you can manage to find the right words, you can suggest the possibility of talking to a counseller, but until she is ready for that you are there for her.

    I think that just knowing and being reminded that someone cares about her can really help.

    This might sound dumb, but a warm hug filled with lots of love can go quite a ways as well.

    good luck


  • katiekitten

    Thats so sad. How ironic that shes only got an apostate to talk to.

    I guess you can just be there for her and dont scare her off. Her intuition has already told her you are a sound confidant.

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