i like the fact that anyone is allowed to participate in this forum, without prejudice. it's refreshing to know that actual truth fears nothing and doesn't need to be sequestered from outside influence. the real question to 'agapa' becomes: what is lacking in your life that you feel the need to have dialogue here with people whom your "god-broker", (the WBTS) does not allow you to? they don't think you are capable of defending the faith they have instructed you to uphold, and they are probably right. why do you cling to an organization obsessed with rules that even YOU aren't willing to abide by? if you are visiting this forum to offer help and direction, why should anyone here be motivated to listen to you when you are betraying the very organization and "brotherhood" you claim to endorse just by being here? didn't you know that free thought is a serious threat to the fragile house of cards you are still apparently able to partially stomach? i'm sure if you're very, very quiet, you can still sneak back in to your warm windowless seat at the hall without your kind, christlike overlords...er...overseers (my mistake) noticing. i won't tell. you don't want to have to start making actual decisions regarding your 'personal relationship' with god now, do you? do yourself a favor and be a good publisher, get back in line and do what your told. stop allowing your mind to try to construct a rationale for your beliefs besides an endless supply of faith. the governing body and slave class have already done all the thinking for you! you are so lucky! all you need to focus on is getting your field service report in on time, donating generously to the worldwide work, reading the always fascinating literature while taking a dump, and attempting to stay awake at the meetings. it's truly comforting to know the kingdom halls are still holding meetings, since there aren't enough mental hospitals to go around. a blessing from above, no doubt! i'm sure i've ranted more than my share, but i do thank you, 'agapa', as you have reaffirmed my personal conviction in the manner of prov 27:17. your situation makes me sad as it reminds me of my wasted youth and the loss of my family and childhood for being born into a stifling, 'one option', exemplary household. funny how the lowly flock gets regularly hammered for their imperfect tendencies, while there is absolutely NO accountability for agredious errors done by the hand of those calling the shots, interpreting scripture and (allegedly) relaying god's will to the world. they don't make mistakes, but rather, "the light get's brighter and brighter as the end draws near." i would imagine anyone who's been hit by a train would say the same thing. 'agapa's situation reminds me of a joke: Q. why do you always take 2 JW's fishing with you? A. if you only bring one, he'll drink all your beer. look into the buddy system, agapa. i only brought a 12 pack.