You know what hurts the most ? Is the fact that I allowed myself to fall for someone like I did. That's what I'm kicking myself in the ass for, I don't think now that it was so much as her going back to the abuser as much as I should of known better. That's the part that sucks the most.
Maybe you are hurting because you overlooked her flaws and allowed yourself to think her the perfect woman. No woman is perfect. It's really hard to live up to being the perfect anybody.
People can develop addictions to other people. It sounds to me like the lady is addicted to the fellow she went back to.
I was addicted to my first husband. We had the kind of chemistry that when he kissed me the first time, it was like an atomic bomb. It stayed that way until the day I left him. The chemistry and attraction were addictive. I was drawn back to him many times, despite his severe drug addiction and abusive behavior. Those huge brown eyes that popped out of his face. That wavy golden brown hair he wore down to his shoulders. His naturally cut physique, with a very cute backside. Kisses that would knock the socks off anyone and send them to the moon. I loved just going parking and making out with him.
But, I found myself pregnant and so I got up the nerve to leave. It took six months of nightmares about his affair for me to get it all in perspective. Still, for years, I carried a torch for him. Until I found out how he treated his second wife and kids. As the years have gone by, I see it for what it was. Addiction. I did care about him and love him. But addiction was the powerful draw there. (He died at 34 by the way.)
Old Flame, the odds usually aren't in your favor when you catch someone on the rebound. It's better to fall for someone who also falls for you. And we ladies really don't like being abused. We'd rather find that chemistry with someone nice. And one day someone will find chemistry with you.
I'd not recommend trying to find a perfect woman. You'd be projecting your ideal on her and she'd be doomed to disappointing you eventually. I've found that relationships get real after a while. Then you just smile when you think of how starry eyed you were in the beginning. Hopefully the relationship matures into one that leaves you with contentment and chemistry and a more realistic view.