Why does LOVE hurt so bad ?

by oldflame 52 Replies latest jw friends

  • oldflame
    maybe there are things within yourself you need to resolve before you seek out love

    Really ? Hum being a humble kind respectable considerate compassionate thoughful person and you think I need to resolve those qualities ? What a jerk !

    If you are 45, and the scenerio you mention happens over and over, the best I can surmise is that you have a defective picker.

    Excuse me ? No sorry the pecker not picker works just fine. Only an idiot would say something like that.

    I am fine I just needed to talk about this just like everyone else needs to talk when something hurts you.

  • juni

    I personally don't think that's funny jaguar.


    I'm sending you a PM Old Flame.

  • unbeliever

    I think jaguarbass meant OF keeps on falling for the wrong women and did not mean he had a defective pecker.

    Some women are just cannot break free of abusers. My sister was married to the biggest peice of human shit. He beat her, did drugs, took all their money. You name it that peice of trash did it. She went back to him 3 times. Finally after 7 years she had enough. She looks back now and wonders what the hell she was thinking.

  • juni

    Unbeliever -

    Call it for what it was: A flip answer to be funny when someone is hurting and is asking for help.

    Even OF understood what was said. And is there an apology? Hopefully the poster will return and not just HIT and RUN.


  • oldflame

    You know what hurts the most ? Is the fact that I allowed myself to fall for someone like I did. That's what I'm kicking myself in the ass for, I don't think now that it was so much as her going back to the abuser as much as I should of known better. That's the part that sucks the most.


    When people respond like the one you were speaking of, that just shows their lack of compassion for other people. They are more than likely a kind of people who do not get along with other people and usually do not have many friends. And that's ok I am over it....

  • FlyingHighNow
    You know what hurts the most ? Is the fact that I allowed myself to fall for someone like I did. That's what I'm kicking myself in the ass for, I don't think now that it was so much as her going back to the abuser as much as I should of known better. That's the part that sucks the most.

    Maybe you are hurting because you overlooked her flaws and allowed yourself to think her the perfect woman. No woman is perfect. It's really hard to live up to being the perfect anybody.

    People can develop addictions to other people. It sounds to me like the lady is addicted to the fellow she went back to.

    I was addicted to my first husband. We had the kind of chemistry that when he kissed me the first time, it was like an atomic bomb. It stayed that way until the day I left him. The chemistry and attraction were addictive. I was drawn back to him many times, despite his severe drug addiction and abusive behavior. Those huge brown eyes that popped out of his face. That wavy golden brown hair he wore down to his shoulders. His naturally cut physique, with a very cute backside. Kisses that would knock the socks off anyone and send them to the moon. I loved just going parking and making out with him.

    But, I found myself pregnant and so I got up the nerve to leave. It took six months of nightmares about his affair for me to get it all in perspective. Still, for years, I carried a torch for him. Until I found out how he treated his second wife and kids. As the years have gone by, I see it for what it was. Addiction. I did care about him and love him. But addiction was the powerful draw there. (He died at 34 by the way.)

    Old Flame, the odds usually aren't in your favor when you catch someone on the rebound. It's better to fall for someone who also falls for you. And we ladies really don't like being abused. We'd rather find that chemistry with someone nice. And one day someone will find chemistry with you.

    I'd not recommend trying to find a perfect woman. You'd be projecting your ideal on her and she'd be doomed to disappointing you eventually. I've found that relationships get real after a while. Then you just smile when you think of how starry eyed you were in the beginning. Hopefully the relationship matures into one that leaves you with contentment and chemistry and a more realistic view.

  • penny2

    Dear oldflame

    When you fall in love, chemicals are released in the brain which have an affect similar to being on drugs. It's a powerful and wonderful feeling. When the lover leaves, it's like going off drugs cold-turkey.

    Time heals all wounds. It might not feel like it now, but you will get past the pain.


  • In Between
    In Between

    Oldflame ... nothing hurts more ... I feel your pain.

    Sorry for yours (pain because of a woman) ... wish I could get over mine.

    Sincerely hope life takes an upswing for ya'.

  • Arthur


    Hey bro, I totally understand your feelings. Believe me, I do. This kind of thing can really make a person become cynical. It really is a sadening thing. Don't ever let this change who you are, though. If you are a kind, decent, respectful man who really appreciates women and believes in treating them well, hold on to those qualities !! Don't ever let these heartbreaks make you start to give up some of your gentlemanly qualities! There are so many wonderful women out there who really do want a good, decent man.

    You must always believe that you can get through this. This kind of thing happened to me a few years back, and I honestly did not think that I would be able to get through it. The pain was beyond words. However, today, with several years of hind sight, I can see that it was actually a blessing. I became stronger, and I am glad that we did not wind up together. Maybe after a couple of years of hind sight, you will see a good side to this.

    Just keep sharing your feelings. Don't try to bottle them up, or hold them inside. Most important, don't let this erode away your good qualities. Believe in yourself !

  • oldflame

    Hey thanks everyone, I really appreciate all your comments. It's a good thing to come to a site like this and get a little healing help from people you never meet. Your all a great bunch of people.....Oh and I am feeling better already, still hurts like hell but I am feeling better.

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