GAY WOMEN

Dansk

Please bear with me on this as this is a genuine attempt by me at greater understanding.

Recently, a young woman I know has come out and stated that she is gay. This is the second time I have been shocked - yes shocked! - because neither woman fit what I used to consider was the "typical" gay woman profile (I am not using the word lesbian in case it causes offence). However, I realise that is down to my own naivety. The first woman was a pretty physiotherapy student I knew before I met Claire. She was a good friend and never gave me any inkling that she didn't find men attractive - or perhaps I just didn't notice the signs??!! The second is also pretty and used to comment on how attractive such and such a guy was, etc.

So, if you are a gay woman would you please help by answering a few questions for me. If you find anything offensive in my post I most sincerely apologise, for that is definitely not my intention. I really am seeking to understand.

If you are not gay and you find the whole subject abhorrent PLEASE DO NOT POST HERE! I don't want to read things like "God disapproves", "It's unnatural", etc., because that isn't what this thread is about. It is for my own interest and understanding and, hopefully, it will help others, too!

So, here goes:

When did you realise you were gay? At what age?

Do you think your family upbringing made you gay or do you consider you were just born that way?

Do you have heterosexual siblings? If so, how have they responded to you?

Do your parents know? If so, how have they reacted to you?

Do you not fancy men at all, i.e. do you not think you could ever have a deeply loving relationship with a man, even marrying him for life?

This next question is sensitive, I'm sorry: I've heard that some gay women use sexual items, like dildos. If a gay woman uses these why, then, wouldn't she go with a man?

Do you find the term 'Lesbian' offensive?

Some gay women really do look masculine. If a gay woman goes with suchlike why, then, won't she go with a man?

Again, if you are a gay woman/girl I sincerely apologise if you have found anything offensive here. I would be profoundly grateful if you would answer my questions. If you would rather pm me, fine.

For what it's worth, I do have gay friends - but they are all male!

THANK YOU!!

Ian

vitty

I hope you get some answers cos ive also wondered about a couple of questions youve asked myself

fullofdoubtnow

Hi Ian,

I'm not gay personally (Trev will confirm that lol). but I've often wondered about some of those questions myself. We do have a gay woman at work, and I understand she is in a long - term relationship. I know her reasonably well, so if you don't get any replies I'll copy the questions and tactfully put them to her.

I hope you do get plenty of replies though.

love

Linda

Crumpet

I've always known I was bi sexual if thats any help. I never saw any difference when I was little between fancying both sexes - it wasn't til I got to junior school I really understood this wasnt the norm - that most little girls fancied little boys and not each other.

However by the time I got to college - that kind of thing was completely open and there were more lipstick lesbians than you could shake a stick at. Surely amongst that lot there were a few genuine lesbians who hadn't decided at that point.

I get told regularly that I am a lesbian! But I know what I am and I do adore men too. Just don't see why I should limit myself. If we get aliens land in my lifetime I'll probably have a go with them as well!

Anyway nicely put questions Ian and hopefully someone will post here or PM you if they can answer from a point of more experience and knowledge on this matter.

crumpet

Dansk

Linda: Thank you!!

Crumpet: Thank you for your openness and honesty. I'd never even considered bisexuality and yet a hairdresser friend of mine who did my, then long, hair at the time was bisexual. I do hope very much that you can make the curry fest!

Love to you both,

Ian

Crumpet

bisexual. I do hope very much that you can make the curry fest!

Bisexuality and Curry Fests - their connection to one another. Explain.

jstalin

I'm gay and so is my sister, so maybe I can help shed some light on a couple of questions.

Lesbians are just as gay as gay guys, so from personal experience, it is something that I've known from the earliest memories I can think of. I was always interested in looking at my male friends - never really had an interest in the girls. I suppose I realized that I was different from my friends around the time of puberty, when I wasn't interested in the same thing they were. They all talked about girls, but I wasn't feeling the same thing. Was it family upbringing or genetics? I don't know. All I know is my attraction to the same sex is something I didn't decide and it was something that was always a part of me. I have a feeling that it's genetic because I have several relatives that are gay (or that I suspect they are gay). The science currently points toward either genetics or in-utero development being the causes of homosexuality.

My parents know and they haven't taken it too well. Every gay person has a different story with their parents, but nearly all of them will tell you about negative reactions from parents that take years to overcome. It really is a difficult process - the usual steps of cognitive dissonance apply - anger, denial, blame, etc. Not a fun thing to go through for either side.

As for sexual toys, you need to understand that homosexuality isn't purely about mechanics, it's about attraction. Using a dildo doesn't make a lesbian consider having sex with a man because she isn't attracted to men. Just because a dildo resembles the penis, it doesn't mean that a penis will work just as well. I'm attracted to guys, and we all know what gay guys do with each other - and I have no interest in substituting a vagina to satify my needs. I'm attracted to guys and that's it - not women.

The masculine lesbian and the effeminate gay guy are interesting phenomena. I couldn't really give you a technical analysis or psychological understanding, other than to say that everyone is different. Everyone is attracted to a different type. Some lesbians have the hots for really feminine girls, some like the butch girls. Gay guys are the same. The effiminate gay guys generally go for the masculine guys, but not all masculine gay guys go for the "queens."

For example, my boyfriend is a little on the effiminate side, but he's still a guy, and that's what I'm attracted to. I'm not attracted to the really girly guys and definitely not the drag queens, but that's just me. Like I said, everyone is different. You'd probably be surprised by the diversity of who's attracted to who in the gay world. We don't conform to the media stereotypes.