Here ya go faundy
Well Pops, I think this was a pretty good thread, and it seems as though you have had many though-provoking responses. It might be wierd for you to read but I'm going to answer your qustions, too. Why not? They're damn good questions!
When did you realise you were gay? At what age?
Four. Yes, it's odd. I agree that children don't understand sexuality but I remember falling in love with Frida out of Abba after looking on the cover of the LP! All through school I had crushes on female teachers and even though I knew it was going to be my 'duty' to marry a brother and live the straight life, it worried me greatly.
Do you think your family upbringing made you gay or do you consider you were just born that way?
I certainly think that it is as natural a part of me as the fact that I have brown hair and hazel eyes. Being gay can't be changed any easier than the physical details can. But I have received, as I got older, very unwanted male attention, even from people I should have trusted, as you know. It may not have made me gay, but it certainly made me distrust men a lot more.
Do you have heterosexual siblings? If so, how have they responded to you?
Two very straight brothers who, as far as I know, are fine with it! Karl lives in what is becoming the gay capital of Britain, and I know that Dom is proud to tell his mates his sister is gay. I think that's great. He found it a shock at first but my telling him about me means he tells me a lot about himself, too. One very straight sister, who threatened to cut herself off from me if I ever slept with a woman. An she did. But I like to think it's a religious thing rather than a personal thing. But I reckon I'll never find out.
Do your parents know? If so, how have they reacted to you?
Yes you both know! Mum was shocked and I think you were too, and I know it was strained for a couple of days but I think that we get on better than we ever have done. I also like the fact that neither of you have ever made it difficult for me to introduce my partners, in fact you have made them welcome. But I'm sticking with this one so I doubt you'll ever have to meet another!
The other thing is that a lot of parents feel that once their child comes out they automatically have to be all accepting and embracing of the gay culture. I don't enjoy the gay scene. I don't like the fact that within the lesbian community locally everyone has either slept with everyone else or knows someone who has. I don't wave a rainbow flag everywhere I go or insist on dragging my parents to pride parades, all parents have to do is be the same as they always were. They have to show the same unconditional love as before and support their children and their choice of partner. They should feel proud that they obviously instilled in their children the need for family communication and mutual respect and should continue to live by that. (Climbs down from soap-box......)
Do you not fancy men at all, i.e. do you not think you could ever have a deeply loving relationship with a man, even marrying him for life?
Nope. Again for the reasons I've mentioned. I do not fancy men. I love women. I love the way they look, the way they feel, the way they smell. Boy-smell makes me feel sick, it really does. And women understand other women, and I love that as well. Nobody could understand what a woman wants and needs better than another woman. I feel offended by men who are baffled by women who don't fancy them. I get offended by men who think they can 'turn' lesbians. It's egotistical and disgusting.
This next question is sensitive, I'm sorry: I've heard that some gay women use sexual items, like dildos. If a gay woman uses these why, then, wouldn't she go with a man?
Not every lesbian uses these, and I think this question is the most awkward one to answer! The thing is, as another poster has mentioned, the problem isn't the penis, it's the man attached to it. I don't like men, and even though occasionally I may find one attractive, it baffles me as to why someone would find a good looking man more attractive than a good looking woman.
For me, as it is for you, the woman is the more attractive every time. It's like saying to a gay man that if he is going to have anal sex with a man, why doesn't he just sleep with a woman and have the vagina? It sounds crude, but you will get the same reaction. It's about attraction. Some women, particularly staunch feminists, believe using dildo is as abhorrent to them as sleeping with a man. To me, it's very different. The vagina is made to accommodate a penis, The Latin for Vagina literally translates as "Sheath for a sword". Again, for that reason some lesbians choose never even to use the word Vagina. But the dildo simply replaces the physical item occasionally desired in sex. Some lesbians still like to feel it inside them. Others enjoy other methods, and in the same logic not all gay men have anal sex. But no matter what methods you use to have sex, it's about the person you're having sex with.
Do you find the term 'Lesbian' offensive?
No, not at all. I don't find many of the terms or gay women offensive, unless they are used in a degrading way. I'll call myself a dyke but won't appreciate someone else labeling me as such, particularly if it's meant in a derogatory way. Obviously words like muff-diver are crude but even then they make me laugh and all I can do is shrug my shoulders and go: 'Yeah, and?'
Some gay women really do look masculine. If a gay woman goes with suchlike why, then, won't she go with a man?
Again for the reasons I've mentioned. But those who are particularly butch lesbians may feel more body dysmorphic, for instance they may not like being women and prefer to act like men. To some lesbians, that's a turn on. It may mean that they can have the masculine traits they find attractive without having to have the man. She still smells, thinks and feels like a woman even if she's boyish. I know many gay women who find the butch or androgynous look attractive. Me, I don't. I like women to look like women. My girlfriend has long blonde hair, wears makeup and dresses like a girl. And I think she's gorgeous. Hope that helps, not just you but other people who read this thread. I'm grateful to live in a time when I don't have to hide it and can be myself.
If I have offended anyone with my answers I apologise, and if you want to discuss anything privately, feel free to PM me. Faundy