Is the first year really the hardest?????

by mama1119 21 Replies latest jw friends

  • liquidsky

    Maybe it'll take just telling him exactly how you feel.

  • Wordly Andre
    Wordly Andre

    Geesh Mama, sounds like an episode of Everybody Loves Raymond

    Unfortunatly there is no fast fix, as for me I left home at 17 and have had to do everything for myself since I was 15 so my wife has it pretty damn good, I cook every meal (wanted to be a chef) I do most of the Laundry, and my job is the bathroom (mostly because a dirty bathroom freaks me out) I told my wife the only things I hate doing are dishes and folding laundry, so to trade off she makes me Iron all the clothes. (I Iron better than her she is a 3 line highway down my arm girl)

    Hope things get better for you, guys are lazy and sometimes we just don't get it! I think in his case its more along the lines of "well my mom used to do that for me" Just remember you married a man not a Mama's boy. Keep watching Everybody Loves Raymond and get some ideas how to deal

  • parakeet

    For the sake of the children, don't throw in the towel too soon. Sometimes after the "honeymoon" period wears off (a year sounds about right), the character traits that used to amuse now annoy. If the two of you can't resolve your problems, you might want to consider marriage counseling.

  • looking_glass

    I give you credit for getting married. I can never get beyond the engagement. When I start getting pressed to either move in w/ fiancee or make plans for the wedding I have panic attacks and back out of everything. So I am not the person to give any advice in this area, because I tell every woman I know that I think marriage is a "snare, lie and racket".

  • jaguarbass

    Im thinking if being married is crappy, you shouldnt be married. I thought the first couple of years were the best. I have been married 33 years.

  • katiekitten
    I really just want him to step up to the plate, be a man, all that stuff. Don't know what it is going to take.....

    Im sorry you are having this trouble. Id say if he hasnt stepped up to the plate when the first child came along then its not going to happen.

    I married the wrong person and I knew more or less in the first year it wasnt right. It took another 9 and a baby before we got divorced. Id say (sorry to contradict an earlier poster) the younger the kids are when you get divorced the easier it is.

    My daughter was 2 when we got divorced and so she had never really gotten used to seeing daddy around all the time like a fixture. It wasnt a huge upheaval for her when he left because he hadnt started impacting on her world yet (benefits of a hands off dad is that the kids dont miss then as much cos theres no real bond).

    Id also say that when he was still at home I felt really hard done by because he never helped out with my daughter, but as soon as he left I didnt feel as hard done by because there was only me to do everything anyway - and after all I had been doing everything before, so life didnt actually get any harder.

    Its a tough decision, but I can honestly say divorce was the very best thing that ever happened to me. (and I wasnt in a lousy rotten abusive marriage, just one where he was selfish, self centered, emotionally withdrawn and just not for me).

  • Gordy

    The secret of a perfect marriage ................don't expect one.

  • Crumpet

    Well it sounds like you've been together longer than year if not married the whole time - so you aren't really saying the first year of your relationship together are you?

    I personally feel that year 7and 8 has been the hardest but the truest.

  • diamondblue1974

    Alot depends on the relationship you have and whether the issues you have can be resolved and ultimately whether you both wish for them to be resolved. An honest and rational discussion is needed between you and your partner in my view. Set out what you both want from your relationship and decide whether you both are capable of achieving it.

    Your a long time dead and theres no rule in life to say you should stay in a bad place and remain unhappy.


  • Fe2O3Girl

    I have been married twice. In my first marriage, the first year was stormy and disappointing, and it went downhill from there. I finally left after nearly four years.

    I have been married to Mr. Fe2O3 for five years. Naturally, we sometimes annoy each other and we have had the odd argument. Generally we get along very well. He is loyal, hardworking and responsible, as well as damn sexy. I chose not to have children until we were so happy that it was the only thing that could improve things - the icing on a very large and scrummy cake.

    However, things can change. If our relationship was making me unhappy, and had done for some time, and I had clearly expressed my needs and given him chance to respond and he hadn't - I would be out of here. I really don't believe that it is beneficial for children to grow up with unhappy parents, or learning that mummies do all the work and daddies watch sports on TV.

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