Hello Goldenshell, I am sorry to read of your problems with your male friend. You got a lot of good advice here and I have a lot of concerns, but the main one is this-If you are not good enough to be introduced to his family, he is ashamed of the relationship. You are a married woman still and he has been sexual with you. He is drawn to you, attracted to you, but is NOT in any way committed to you. There is no chance of a good marriage or any other kind of relationship with a man who is ashamed of you. It won't change, it won't improve. He will blame YOU for HIS indiscretions with you. You will become a symbol to him of his weakness and his sinfulness. This will lead to all kinds of dysfunction in the relationship. It will probably never progress beyond a seedy hidden sordid relationship, because that is all he is willing to give you. He is probably the same guy that would sneak around after he is married, and he would say the woman enticed him. . .I am not being nice like the others, but JW or Muslim or Catholic, this guy is not good for you OR YOUR CHILD. Don't do this to your little one. They deserve better than that. And if you think leaving a good marriage for an instant attraction is 'the right thing to do', take a look at hollywood and see how that works out for those folks. If your husband is forgiving of you and can get past this, you might want to reconsider. If he will treat you badly in any way, just stay away from both of them, build your life, your self, love your child and worry about a man when you are free of the first and can have a real and open relationship with a real man who isn't ashamed of you. YOU DESERVE MORE!
Separated and dating a JW
I am sorry for your woes with your JW man. However, he is obviously not following Christian counsel to abstain from conduct unbecoming a Christian (especially one that is married) and he is not being caring of his fellow human being by leading you on, emotionally and physically, by playing with your heart.
Everyone desires someone to be with, that is true, but at the cost of our own love for ourselves? Our own dignity? He does not want you to meet his parents; he wants to only see you once a month; you have only become a burden to him because of your demands for some things that he cannot give you. Why subject yourself to this? Why subject your CHILD to this?
If you want to learn more about the JW religion, there are plenty of resources on the Internet to learn about it. It's no different from other authoritarian religions: look at the Mormons or the Children of God. All the members have the same brainwashed attitude, and most of them will not leave their religions for love out of fear of dying themselves. All these religions dangle death over their members' heads to keep them in submission. You can't compete with that.
My advice is: stay prepared. If you insist on being stubborn and fighting this out, understand that you will continue living in this pain day after day, as you are NOT a JW, and he is married. That's a double whammy. He will continue to give you excuses, and you will continue to wait for him to come to be by your side, which most likely won't happen. That is your choice. OR you can choose to live a more happy life by finding someone that is more compatible with your life choices, and going through the pain. really.. it's all up to you.
Whatever you decide, many blessings on you.
Oh, and if he dismisses the internet as a source altogether, as he is taught to do:
he told me that ex JW that wrote an article are very vendicative cause if they are not anymore JW is because they made mistakes and they are very negative people
Tell him I was never a JW, I am married to a JW, and I know exactly what I am talking about. He's not being a good JW. He's not following "The Secret to Family Happiness" book. He's not being a good man. He is not good for you.
Country Girl: he is not married
i am separate with a child...
you know guys what tease me most?When u go thru this kind of experiences and you feel hurt the 1st thing you will ask to a person is :Which religion are you?Do you have any religion?i think that this is very bad .I thought that people can accept each other even with differences .Am very disappointed right now not with you but with him ......he talk about being open minded :is he?This week is gonna be judgment day when i will see him...Txs a lot guys ..i really appreciate ur help ..if i wouldnt talk to you i wouldnt know many things ..by now! i will keep you informed
When u go thru this kind of experiences and you feel hurt the 1st thing you will ask to a person is :Which religion are you?Do you have any religion?i think that this is very bad .I thought that people can accept each other even with differences
BUT, most girls forget to ask the basics.
"How do you want to raise our children?"
"Are you careful with your money, or shop freely?"
"Do you believe in fidelity in marriage, or are you seeking an open relationship?"
Religion or not, people have to be compatible on the most basic levels. My husband says he forgot to ask if there was a history of mental illness in our family. Then he laughs hilariously.
what you say is true !I dont know if i can ask, but i was wandering how is life with a Jw?you told me that ure married with one .Is it true that the tendency is to convert the partner or else they will get kicked from the group?how do you feel knowing that one day if they will be asked to do transfusion they will prefer to die?arent you scared?dont you feel is kind of selfishness?you decided to live with someone that one day will decide to leave you .I still respect your choice and opinion and am not criticizing am just curious to know things that i dont understand
what you say is true !I dont know if i can ask, but i was wandering how is life with a Jw?
Every JW is different. See above. You need to ask these basic questions of anyone you wish to spend all your time with. With a JW, you also have to work out your differences on blood transfusions.
you told me that ure married with one .Is it true that the tendency is to convert the partner or else they will get kicked from the group?
Every JW hopes their "unsaved" partner will come to the "truth". You can read all about it in the "Secret to Family Happiness Book". JW's are NOT kicked out if their partner does not convert. Instead, they are usually barred from priveledges, are rarely invited to social events, and generally made to "pay" for their supposed poor choice.
how do you feel knowing that one day if they will be asked to do transfusion they will prefer to die?arent you scared?
My husband and I discussed this at length before we married. We have come to a compromise on this issue.
you decided to live with someone that one day will decide to leave you .I still respect your choice and opinion and am not criticizing am just curious to know things that i dont understand
How? Through death? He married me believing we would be separated at death, and chose to have a short time of happiness with me than a lifetime alone. I should also mention my children are grown, so parenting was never an issue between us. I would not marry a JW if I had small children. That would be a cruelty to them, to live in a spiritually divided household, where even basic decisions, whether the child can participate in extra-curricular activities, if it will go out in field service, salute the flag, attend graduation ceremonies, Christmas, Easter, Birthdays, Valentine's day would all be hot issues.
Again, your boyfriend would be kicked out of the JW's because of his illicit conduct (fornication, touching), not because you are a non-JW.
txs for ur help
ur husband seems a very nice and wise man while my BF wouldnt like to accept compromises ...