Regrets of Being Brought up as a Witness

by chuckie77 27 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

• 

  chuckie77

  Ive never really been one to say a whole lot against the organisation, even though I was really unhappy in the years leading up to getting out of it, I still think theres so many good, peace loving and genuine people in it. That said I was brought up as a witness and sometimes feel like Ive been robbed of a true childhood.

  My dad was a lot older than my mum, and was almost 50 when I was born. He was the PO in the cong and being a witness was, and still is, everything to him. Our life revolved around 5 meetings a week and witnessing on Saturday mornings. Ive never been very close to my dad and once when I was a kid asked him why he never did anything with me, his reply was that he would happily go out in the field ministry with me. I never asked him that question again! I was never allowed to play sport on a Saturday morning because that was witnessing morning. So instead of playing tennis or footy with the other kids, they were teasing me about having to go preaching and being a bible basher. When I used to say that I was embarased about being a witness I would get told that fear of man was not good and that the kids couldnt hurt me, or give me everlasting life. I was always discouraged from having any activities outside that of preaching, and going to meetings. Nearly all witness kids have missed out on Xmas and birthdays, and even now I dont see that as a big deal, mum and dad would get me presents at other times of the year, and it was true, they were always better when you weren't expecting them.

  As I got older I wanted to get my licence and my first car was an auto. When I said I wanted to get a manual car licence i was told, again by my dad, that I didnt need a manual licence because I would probably never need to drive a manual car. Can you imagine my response to that when I was a 17yo guy? Im sure if Id asked for rationale it would have been something along the lines of... Well the society says we wont have cars in the new system and thats only just around the corner... Or something just as ludicrous! I remember talking a lot about wanting to travel, which I have now done a lot of, but being told that I should wait until after armageddon, when theres not so much badness in the world. Ive since been to Europe, Asia, The Middle East and America!!! Had I listened to those statemests I would still be missing out, just like I feel I did when I was a kid! I feel like I shouldnt let myself be angry over being brought up this way, because my parents really were doing what they thought was the best thing. I dont think you can ever begrudge someone for that.

  I feel really sorry for people who put off having adventures, or learning a skill, or a sport, because they think they will have all the time in the world in the new system. Im just glad I am now out there, and still have a good amount of time while Im still young to enjoy life.

  Sorry to have bored you with this, Im in a bit of a bad mood and Im rambling. I've never really talked to anyone about it before or voiced my feelings from the past but it feels a bit refreshing to type it out in a forum where lots have had similar experiences and know where Im coming from.
• 

  Dansk

  Chuckie77

  Im just glad I am now out there, and still have a good amount of time while Im still young to enjoy life.

  Sorry to have bored you with this, Im in a bit of a bad mood and Im rambling. I've never really talked to anyone about it before or voiced my feelings from the past but it feels a bit refreshing to type it out in a forum where lots have had similar experiences and know where Im coming from.

  Occasionally, thoughts of our JW past do bring anger up but, happily, with time the anger usually subsides (though this depends on the individual).

  Many people would be deeply envious of where you are now! You still have many wonderful young years ahead of you. A lot of people here were in the Org for decades, robbed of their youth and best years!

  Enjoy your life and the freedom at your disposal. I think you already understand about not taking it for granted!

  Ian
• 

  KW13

  i'm glad you've taken steps to go out in the world and see the things, you could of missed out on while waiting for the end of the system of things.

  we all have similar backgrounds and stories here, sharing yours i think is a good idea! i found sharing my story helped me on my way to getting to grips with my life and stuff.
• 

  mama1119

  If it makes you feel any better, alot of people on this board have the same feelings. I , at times can get very bitter about my childhood as a witness. Not because of my parents, I think they did their best under the circumstances, but the org in general..I think they treat kids terribly, in order to get them under control at an early age. The use guilt, shame, and encourage young children to "stand up" for the truth, which seperates them from the other kids making them targets for ridicule....and then the kids have no choice but to rely strictly on the org. One thing I m so thankful for is that I saw the light before I raised my daughter in it. I look forward to her being able to participate in school activities of her choice, celebrate the holidays and go to college.
• 

  mrsjones5

  I don't regret it. It was something I had no control over. I wish it could have been different. But for my kids it is different, I can control that. I can give them the life that I didn't have. They can do things that I couldn't do, which I highly enjoy. At this very moment my daughter is with her girl scout troop at a waterpark and my oldest son is helping with an Eagle project with his boy scout troop, they're rebuilding a playground at the church they meet at for their troop meetings.

  Josie
• 

  Mamacat

  I'm sorry you are feeling bad about it, Chuckie. It's definitely a common feeling among those raised at jw's.
  
  I hated being a witness too as a kid. I was embarrassed and felt constantly out of place. I'm not so quick to excuse my parents either. Just because they are anti-social by nature, I wish they had not imposed it on me.
  
  Once I was in high school, there were no other jw's in my school, so I didn't tell anyone about it. I remember my mom would give me that stupid school brochure to give to my teachers, and I'd just throw it away. Then, I was able to seem normal and make friends at school. But they'd invite me places and I was never allowed to go! So then the invitations stopped, and I was just as lonely and left out as before!
  
  I was always dreading something. Like the week after Christmas when all of the kids would talk about their new presents. I never had new stuff...even though my dad was not a JW, we did not have Christmas at all in the house. And summer break when I would be stuck at my house all the time except for meetings.
  
  I couldn't play with the other kids in the neighborhood, I wasn't allowed to use the phone or do anything that required staying after school. It was a miserable existance to me. I knew that my mom could be "protective" of me without keeping me a prisoner in the house.
  
  However, the sneaking around I did just because I craved normal human contact got me into trouble quite a bit. But, I've always thought that if I had been allowed to interact with "worldly" people all my life, I wouldn't have been so quick to get caught up in bad situations. I had very low self-exteem for a long time because of the teasing I experienced as a kid. I've seen studies that kids of over-protective parents are more likely to make bad decisions when they are finally given a little bit of freedom.
• 

  OUTLAW

  Regrets!..Dam striaght I`ve got regrets!..The crap I had to go through as a kid,piss`s me off!..What a waste of a young life.Then all the years of trying to make a life,outside my family and thier idiot religion.What a long haul..My mom is still in the JW`s..She`s going straight to hell when she dies..It`s not a punishment,it`s a promotion..Satan is shakeing in his boots!...She`s gonna run the place..She`ll show Satan how Hell oughta be run..LOL!!...OUTLAW
• 

  mrsjones5

  re·gret (ri-gret')
  
  v., -gret·ted , -gret·ting , -grets .

  v.tr.

  1. To feel sorry, disappointed, or distressed about.
  2. To remember with a feeling of loss or sorrow; mourn.

  v.intr.

  To feel regret.n.

  1. A sense of loss and longing for someone or something gone.
  2. A feeling of disappointment or distress about something that one wishes could be different.
  3. regrets A courteous expression of regret, especially at having to decline an invitation.

  [Middle English regretten , to lament, from Old French regreter : re- , re- + -greter , to weep (perhaps of Germanic origin).] regretter re·gret'ter n.

  SYNONYMS regret, sorrow, grief, anguish, woe, heartache, heartbreak. These nouns denote mental distress. Regret has the broadest range, from mere disappointment to a painful sense of dissatisfaction or self-reproach, as over something lost or done: She looked back with regret on the pain she had caused her family. Sorrow connotes sadness caused by misfortune, affliction, or loss; it can also imply contrition: “sorrow for his … children, who needed his protection, and whom he could not protect” (James Baldwin). Grief is deep, acute personal sorrow, as that arising from irreplaceable loss: “Grief fills the room up of my absent child,/Lies in his bed, walks up and down with me” (Shakespeare). Anguish implies agonizing, excruciating mental pain: “I pray that our heavenly Father may assuage the anguish of your bereavement” (Abraham Lincoln). Woe is intense, often prolonged wretchedness or misery: “the deep, unutterable woe/Which none save exiles feel” (W.E. Aytoun). Heartache most often applies to sustained private sorrow: The child's difficulties are a source of heartache to the parents. Heartbreak is overwhelming grief: “Better a little chiding than a great deal of heartbreak” (Shakespeare).

  Hm, maybe I do feel regret - I think of it more as 2. a feeling of disappointment or distress about something that one wishes could be (or have been) different.

  Josie
• 

  DubBeachBabe

  A lot of resonance here. Thanks, guys.

  At what age is a kid capable of saying 'my parents are JWs, not me'? I really wish I'd known as a child what I know now, and that I'd had the courage to take a stand.

  I don't think children can be expected to do that though, because it's so difficult to draw the line between the good 'parent things' that a parent does and the evil controlling JW things.

  So I guess we just have to forgive our younger selves. And get on with the living now.

  But what to do when you see children close to you going through the same thing? My sister has adorable little twins, and she's an exceptionally good mother, but it breaks my heart to think about what they have ahead of them. How old do they have to be before I try and let them know that they do have other options? Is it ethical to even do that behind their parents' backs?
• 

  OUTLAW

  DebBeachBabe,let the parents raise their children as they see fit..Do not interfere..You can talk to them when they are no longer under thier parents rule..Adults..Jehovah`s Witness`s don`t mind interfereing with other peoples familys.I have first hand experience..I think someone should get one warning for interfereing with a family..After that,I think a bullet in the head is appropriate...OUTLAW