JW parents/relatives attempts to encourage you to come back or change ...

by alienagent 21 Replies latest jw experiences

• 

  sass_my_frass

  Hi and welcome. Sorry about all the pain you're going through... it's good and bad to be here to share it; good because we here have all experienced it; bad that so many go through it. Still, it's not the worst thing that could happen to us, right? Hey, nobody invaded my country this year, I love my hubby and my job....

  This is from my mum's last communication with me, probably for life:

  If you remember, several weeks before we came over to attend your wedding, I rang and told you that if it became evident that you were not living up to the promise that you would restore yourself and maintain meeting attendance you would lose me too.

  I replied with many things (I think it's very recent in my topic history), but mostly just by telling her I love her, and that I've forgiven her. My reply probably touched them so deeply that they couldn't keep it and will tell themselves lies for the rest of their lives; I rejected them, I'm cruel, I don't care.... I don't think I'll ever again see them or hear from any of my parents, four siblings, and many friends. Sometimes I'm hurt, sometimes I despise them, but most of the time I just accept it and get on with appreciating whatever beauty is in my day. Most importantly; I no longer miss them, because they never really loved me. It was entirely conditional on my making them feel good about their faith.

  It's not real love they take away from us.
• 

  Scully

  Actually, my JW relatives have made NO attempts to Encourage™ me to go back to the JWs. I'm not sure if that is because they are afraid of what they might find out if we were to start talking about why I have not attended meetings in over a decade, or if it is because they are selfish and never really wanted to share their Spiritual Paradise™ with me and my family to begin with.

  The only thing that anyone ever said to me to attempt to get me to come back was so hateful a tirade that I removed myself from the situation and never spoke to that person again. I had just been talking to this JW "best friend" about my depression, and how I felt that I needed a "vacation" from The Truth™. Her answer was this: "If you are going to turn your back on The Truth™, you might as well take your three beautiful children out in the back yard and blow their heads off with a gun. That way they won't go down with you at Armageddon™ and will have a Resurrection™ in the Paradise™." We were in a crowded restaurant at the time, and she was practically screaming those words at me. She was loud enough that people around us were staring in shocked disbelief. I got up from the table and walked out on her.

  Those words were what convinced me that the JWs are a CULT.
• 

  lisavegas420

  Actually, my JW relatives have made NO attempts to Encourage™ me to go back to the JWs. ; I'm not sure if that is because they are afraid of what they might find out if we were to start talking about why I have not attended meetings in over a decade, or if it is because they are selfish and never really wanted to share their Spiritual Paradise™ with me and my family to begin with.

  Ditto what Scully said... word for word....

  lisa
• 

  CL

  stick it out, its tough but it gets so much better
• 

  serendipity

  Welcome CL!
• 

  Carmel

  Welcome Alienagent! Your experiance is nearly identical to mine. Whilst I left as a teenager, it was pretty much the same treatment, even trying to get my wife and kids invovled with guilt trips when the shunning didn't work on me. It was only when it became known that my wife and I had become members of the Baha'i Faith that they gave up, in fact, it seemed they became fearful of my presence. The silence was golden!

  carmel
• 

  Austrian

  Smoke up a big fat joint sit back and laugh... relax you will come out to be the winner when your parents say how sorry about what they put you thru on their death bed
• 

  Twitch

  CL

  Welcome. I've debated with my dub parents for 20 years trying to get them to see some semblance of reality to no avail. They still preach to me and toe the dub line. I despised the org and by them by association, unconsciously with the result being a personal meltdown and realization that i had to change, not them. Now I just leave them to their beliefs and try to maintain what relationship there still is.

  And you're right, it does get easier. I doubt it goes away completely but you learn to cope and live with it. Like anything.
• 

  parakeet

  garybuss:
  ***Pragmatically, I treat a Jehovah's Witness like they are mentally ill. Never agitate a person who's separated from reality and who's clinging to a delusion by challenging the delusion in any way. Respect the delusion no matter how unrespectable the delusion is!***
  This is exactly how I've treated my parents in the 25+ years I've faded. Every time they've brought up religion, I've deflected discussion of it as politely as possible, and though it annoyed them, they were willing to let it go, and we've had a pretty good relationship all this time.
  On the other hand, my brother (also a fader) decided to take on my parents in an "honest" religious debate earlier this year while my parents were visiting him. The upshot? My mother screaming hysterically and leaving in the wee hours to drive home with no excuses or apologies. My mother and brother are still not speaking.
  Your advice is indeed the most pragmatic if you want to hold on to a JW family relationship and save yourself a lot of grief.
• 

  garybuss

  Parakeet, I only have my experience to relate. I've tried all the confrontations and exposure to disconfirming information intended to cause a crisis of will in them and it all predictably backfired on me. I did those in error while still in my own delusion, that is, the Witness people are honest, reasonable, looking for real truth, and accepting of others. None of those were true for me.
  Now, my policy is to never talk about religion or Witnessism with a believing Witness. For me, that's actually pretty easy because believing Witnesses don't want to associate with me.
  Witnesses have a fragile belief system and an equally fragile world view that won't stand up out of context. The context is the company of others who have agreed not to question the "problems" (known to us as reality). As long as reality isn't acknowledged, and a replacement pseudo-reality is in place and supported by peers, the storybook concept seems real and the Witness person functions. (They might function on a low social but often a high economic level.)
  They might even tolerate us unless we seem like we MIGHT threaten the delusion they call "truth". If they are sure we will threaten the delusion, they will have to reject us. They have no choice.
  Treat them like they're ill because they are.