Watchtower/Tim Horton's Announce New Partnership

by AlmostAtheist 16 Replies latest social humour

  • AlmostAtheist
    AlmostAtheist

    WATCHTOWER/TIM HORTON'S ANNOUNCE NEW PARTNERSHIP

    FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

    DATE: 7/31/2006

    BROOKLYN, NY - The Watchtower Bible and Tract Society of New York, in association with its other legal entities, collectively entered into a limited partnership with Tim Horton's, Inc, finalized Monday morning over the "Daily Text" and doughnuts. The agreement calls for baptized members of the Jehovah's Witnesses organization to enjoy a 15% discount on all Tim Horton's products, in exchange for carrying Tim Horton's-approved brief cases in their field ministry.

    "The book bags being provided by Tim Horton's are high-quality and durable, as good or better than that currently carried by the average Witness," said Watchtower representative J.R. Brown, "And each will bear a tasteful advertisement for delicious Tim Horton's coffee. It is our opinion that this ad will not detract from our message, but will instead serve to enhance it. 'They drink coffee, they're better than Mormons' -- that sort of thing."

    "We see it as a natural extension of our marketing strategy," said Tim Horton's vice-president of marketing, Shem Lipkoff, "Our studies show that 17% of the coffee we sell is purchased by Jehovah's Witnesses. That's a van-load of coffee. If we can send those happy soldiers of the Lord out there into the field with some advertising on their armor, we think we ought to do it."

    Watchtower intends to replace all bookbags in the field with Tim Horton's bags by the end of 3Q 2006, corresponding with the beginning of their fiscal year. Jehovah's Witnesses will be given their discount upon showing their brief case to the cashier, or reciting the code phrase "shun your mother".

    Tim Horton's is Canada's largest provider of retail prepared coffee, with a large U.S. presence.

    Watchtower and its affiliates are the world's largest producer of unread religious material, and made Forbe's 2005 list of "Companies Probably in Bed With the Devil".

  • damselfly
    damselfly

    LOL ~ Just think...it would no longer be "Roll up the rim to win" but "roll up the rim for the Daily Text"



  • kwintestal
    kwintestal

    How dare you dirty the good name of Tim Horton's! Shame on you!

    Kwin

  • Finally-Free
    Finally-Free

    I hear they're coming out with a new Pioneerâ„¢ size coffee.

    W

  • damselfly
    damselfly

    Donuts~ Suitable for Christian Consumption?

    http://www.wentz.net/donut/history_of_the_donut.htm

    Highlights include ~

    The "creater" of the donut hole claimed angelic inspiration and was later burned at the stake for being a witch. OMG donuts are the food of Satan himself! 8o

    During WW2 the Red Cross handed out donuts to soldiers. Red Cross = Blood = Bloody donuts = Dfing if eaten. :(


    So I may have gotten some facts wrong in my post early this week

    http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/6/117499/1.ashx

    But this "new light" on donuts makes me love them even more :D



  • hubert
    hubert
    or reciting the code phrase "shun your mother".

    That's hillarious, AA !!

    Maybe they can put a picture of an American Flag on the other side of the briefcase, too.

    I know they don't salute it, or acknowledge it, but they put it in their t.v. infomercials to deceive the "worldy" people, so why not on the briefcase, too?

    Hubert

  • Midget-Sasquatch
    Midget-Sasquatch

    LOL!

    Watchtower and its affiliates are the world's largest producer of unread religious material

  • Gregor
    Gregor

    Watchtower and its affiliates are the world's largest producer of unread religious material.

    LOL, Almost. A great piece of satire! "Shun your mother" indeed!

  • lonelysheep
    lonelysheep

    LOL...that was great!

    Watchtower and its affiliates are the world's largest producer of unread religious material, and made Forbe's 2005 list of "Companies Probably in Bed With the Devil".
  • fullofdoubtnow
    fullofdoubtnow
    Watchtower and its affiliates are the world's largest producer of unread religious material, and made Forbe's 2005 list of "Companies Probably in Bed With the Devil".

    Brilliant. Another superb piece of satire from the pen of AA.

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