To disassociate or not?

elliej

Late last year my husband and I, with our children, moved to a new state and decided to leave the organization after much research and soul searching. Our intent was to just fade quietly away in order to maintain certain family relationships, but thanks to a couple of militant dubs who were assigned to find out what was going on with us, we were outed. Even though we haven't made any comments other than that there are certain things we don't agree with, we have been completely shunned. If that was not enough, we have also been slandered and gossipped about.

More and more I have the desire to write a DA letter to my former congregation. I don't want to be associated in any way with that organization, and I would like to tell them why. Since my fade has been unsuccessful and I am being shunned and demonized anyway, is there any reason I shouldn't DA? Or should I just let sleeping dogs lie? Any advice would be appreciated.

IP_SEC

Its 100% up to you. One way isnt better than the other. I felt I HAD to DA to get on with my life. I did and now Im on with my life. Others want to fade for whatever reason. Do what you need to do for you.

Poztate

More and more I have the desire to write a DA letter to my former congregation.

If writing a letter would bring you closure and peace of mind by all means do it. Make sure it is what YOU want to do.

For myself I would never bother to take that step. It means to me that you are still playing by their rules and doing things their way.

If in my case the elders ever wanted to meet with me to DA me I would just IGNORE them. They hate to be ignored. Some in the congo shun me on an informal basis and I just ignore them also. Witnesses who shun me are already a non event in my life and I plan on keeping it that way.

BlackSwan of Memphis

You mention that they've slandered you.

One possibility is to write a letter to all the people you choose to, explaining what exactly your feelings are and why you are no longer attending meetings.

You don't have to da yourself necessarily, but after something like this you would more then likely be announced as no longer being a dub and the bonus would be that you took the oppurtunity to explain to others exactly what is going on.

In a way it would be da'ing yourselves, but just not in the formal way.

(make sense?)

BSoM

AK - Jeff

Oh how typical.

Shunning, and especially gossip are powerful tools among them. And they know it.

Wifey and I have not Da'd yet - but know that may happen someday, only because I refuse to let them Df me without a word. So far I am playing a game of cat and mouse with the elders. Looks like about every three or four months they make a stab at trying to get me corraled for a 'little conversation'. I have just avoided them to date.

If cornered I will offer to just DA -and tell them I will get a letter out to them within a week or so. Then I will instead send it 'through' the publishers in the congregation - asking them to 'hand deliver this' after they read it. Some will throw it out - others will read it - some will deliver it I suppose. The message will be out that I am not the 'evil apostate' they accuse me of being, or at least I would have a little chance to set up doubts in the minds of my former associates. And they heard the facts from me and not from a 10 second announcement that tell them to avoid me.

I hate thier rules, and agree with Postate on not playing by them any more than needed in my case.

There is no right or wrong way in this matter. Either way you most likely will be on the list of hated, demonized, blood drinking, smurf worshipping, Satanic demigods, in thier eyes. But your best peace of mind is what should dictate.

Best of Luck

Jeff

parakeet

Check out HadEnuf's thread from last week:
http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/6/115344/1.ashx
She DAed herself, but she did it on her own terms, and the local cong got a heap of bad publicity. If you are inclined to do something similar to what she did, it could be a very satisfying way of ending your ties with the WTS.

cyberdyne systems 101

Reading people's stories here has made me wish i had DA myself. At the time of leaving i was of the oppinion of not playing by their rules, but now I think it would be far more personally satisfying to DA, with the reasons why this man made organisation is not God's earthly mouthpiece. But as others have already said this is down to what you want. You are in total control of your actions so enjoy that freedom and make the right choice for YOU. Good luck.

CS 101

elliej

Wifey and I have not Da'd yet - but know that may happen someday, only because I refuse to let them Df me without a word. So far I am playing a game of cat and mouse with the elders. Looks like about every three or four months they make a stab at trying to get me corraled for a 'little conversation'. I have just avoided them to date.

Jeff, I don't want to let them DF me, but since we are in another state, they can't really try to contact me either, can they? Would they announce that we are no longer JW's without even talking to us first? Would they do that just based on rumors? I would love to have a JC just to get some of this crap out in the open, but I don't get that confrontation with them because of my distance. I hate that they can talk about us and we don't get a voice. I guess I shouldn't let their games get to me though, huh?

I also like the idea of writing to the local paper, but I doubt it would be published. Maybe it's worth a try, thanks for that link. I would hate to write letters to individuals because I don't want to prove them right that I am an evil apostate out to damage their precious organization. I need a more subtle way to get the word out.

I guess my biggest problem is just that I can't stand the idea of being associated in any way with the Watchtower Society. At all. I just wonder if disassociating myself is worth the trouble. Thanks for all your replies.

fullofdoubtnow

As has been said, it's up to you. If da'ing would make you feel better and help you move on, then do it. Da'ing was right for me, because although I knew I would be gossipped about, I also knew I would be left alone to get on with the healing process, and I've come a fair way in a relatively short time (since last November) because of that. Whatever you choose to do, I hope it works well for you.

Linda

DanTheMan

More and more I have the desire to write a DA letter to my former congregation.

Just realize that it will only result in more nasty slander and gossip if you do.

I guess my biggest problem is just that I can't stand the idea of being associated in any way with the Watchtower Society. At all

This is exactly how I felt back in 2002. For me, DA'ing was an important symbolic act. Wiping the slate clean, severing all ties. If this is your intention, then I think it's a good idea.

To disassociate or not?

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