Sammie, I just read your post to my 13 year old sister and she almost cried. It made her mad to think that any one would treat their father that way. I am so sorry you have to deal with this, do not send them any more letters and no more gifts it will only anger and hurt you when she retuns them. There was a KM a few years ago that went into detail about what kind of contact one could have with DFed family members I don't have a copy of it but maybe some else here does.
**Hugs for you and your husband**
Lola & sister