I would write them a note to tell them that you will never contact them again. I would also include a ps that tells them that they are no longer in your last will and testament and to not plan on inheriting any money from you. Hit 'em where it hurts.
I'm really ticked right now!!!
by sammielee24 50 Replies latest jw friends
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sammielee24
What a slap in the face. I'm curious, did they keep the gift?
No..they returned it - so we'll use it ourselves. We had the forsight to buy a gift certificate at a restaurant within 100 miles of where we live just in case they sent it back. I couldn't sleep last night at all - I'm just still so angry! They couldn't even have the decency to address the little note inside to 'dad' or 'householder'..nothing - it was a torn out page from a notebook. The more I think about it the madder I get. These kids haven't endured what half the people in the world do and yet they feel so self righteous and so deserving that they hide behind the Society instead of committing to a bit of dialogue to clear up these things. I am thinking of another course of action now ..grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr...sammieswife.
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Pistoff
This is an area where the extreme mind control is evident in the WT.
The actual REQUIREMENTS are very squishy when it comes to family.
When my son was df'd, I asked the elders how much I could contact with him because he was emotionally distraught, and had attempted suicide (YES THEY DF'D MY SON WITHIN 6 MONTHS OF A SERIOUS SUICIDE ATTEMPT.)
They said: THAT IS UP TO YOU, YOU MUST MAKE YOUR OWN DECISION.
That was all I needed to hear.
This area is gray, for families. Oh, the WT would love you to think otherwise. The reality is that familes can decide what is necessary business.
But most are SO mind controlled, they cannot see the gray that the society allows.
FU**ERS.
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puck
i'm sorry to hear that, sammieswife... i think "family emergency" all depends on the family. when my grandpa was sick with cancer, my uncle (who's been df'd for as long as i've been alive, i think) was there visiting, and my granparents were fine with it -- that constituted a family emergency for them. they won't discuss spiritual matters, but do talk re: family stuff, financial stuff (my grandpa died a couple of years ago, and my uncle helps my grandma out when he can -- my uncle is also ill). my grandpa was po for a long time. but, with other family members, it's different -- when my cousin told them he was gay, my grandpa told him to get off the property, even though my cousin was always willing to help out when my granparents were in poor health.
my own parents are similar -- my sister was da'd some time ago (it was handled improperly, but i digress)... and my mom wouldn't talk to her for about two years. my dad would visit and call, but not tell my mom. i haven't had contact with my parents for quite some time, now, and don't even get notified of emergencies (my mom had to have a hysterectomy last year, and nobody told me anything about it.)
so i guess it all depends on the family member, the current depth of belief in the jw memebers, and the emergency. or something. sorry, i kinda hijacked to share my own stuff. didn't mean to.
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mama1119
How much does your husvabd want a relationship with them? Were they close growing up? I feel you can only be shunned if you allow yourself to be. The DF'ing takes two parties too workl. If your husband stil sends cards, letter etc, he is not particpating and it loses its power. I would keep in contact as much as possible, with cards galore, pictures of you, anything he can do...
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sammielee24
will and testament and to not plan on inheriting any money from you
First thanks for all your advice - I'm taking it all in believe me and it does help! ..but the 'leaving the dough' advice is making me grin here. What estate? My husband was raised in the 'truth' and spent his whole life in service. Gave it all up to move to where the 'need is great'. Worked part time in order to pioneer. Did not engage in anything like education or work toward high paying jobs or material things - after all, a person is judged by Jehovah by his accumulation of wealth vs service. Then followed a nasty divorce that saw his ex getting everything and I mean EVERYTHING. Bank accounts, house, all things right down to his clothes, personal effects - all things. He got what he had on his back when he left. So as far as 'things'..there won't be anything for them but I guess I would still expect them to hover round like vultures on a dead rabbit wouldn't I? sammieswife.
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loosie
I would think that a change in the Will would consitute family business.
Send them a letter letting them know they are written out of the will and people who care to have a relationship with you have be written in.
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sammielee24
I feel you can only be shunned if you allow yourself to be. The DF'ing takes two parties too workl. If your husband stil sends cards, letter etc, he is not particpating and it loses its
He always felt that he was very close to his kids, especially his son. I too believe that if you don't play by the df'ing rules you can keep doing what you feel like doing - the problem is that it wears you down. The emotional aspect is difficult to bear and I've been nothing less than supportive in helping him choose cards or send notes - but even I am tired. All he wanted was to keep the door open, not to intrude - anger can be a real motivator for me and I don't like to keep things in so they explode later. No telling where this is going to put me now! sammieswife
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Fleur
Either I am family in everything or in nothing. There is no middle ground.
Ah, yes, that is also my philosophy. It reminds me of one of my favorite lines of Tennyson: "Trust me not at all, or all in all."
These people might share some DNA strands with your husband but they are not family. The family that dropped me...they are not my family.
I'm sending you a PM...
hugs and understanding,
essie
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AK - Jeff
I would send them a letter.
Clearly mark on the front "Serious Family Business Matter"
Inside I would put just two sentences;
In harmony with your request, I am contacting you to let you know that you have been written out of the will, including the $20 million dollars that your Father won in the California Lotto last year while we vacationed there. Have a good life!
Jeff