Confidential Elders meetings, HA!

by restrangled 17 Replies latest jw experiences

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  restrangled

  My father was and elder and I remember him coming home from elder's meetings telling my mother all. We lived in a small house so all could hear through the heating vents what was happening at the KH. I learned more than I ever cared to know about at a young age. Those who were having oral sex, beating their wives, smoking, fornication. I had the goods on everyone at a very young age. The whole thing made me sick as I was held to higher standards than anyone in the hall (ie:elder's daughter). Sometimes my mother would confide more to me. UGGGH!

  The worst of all was the change over from a presiding overseer to the current ruling group.

  Our presiding overseer was brought before a comittee at the circuit assembly for business practices. Apparently he made a good amount of money. Heard all that too. My dad was the only one that defended him against many complaints in front of the circuit overseer. He was crucified by all.

  This was a huge circuit in the midwest. Do not wish to give details at this point, the stories are incredible and I can't image the destroyed lives.

  More later.

  amy
• 

  AuldSoul

  Welcome, restrangled. Vent all you like.

  Respectfully,
  AuldSoul
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  Gregor

  Ah, the old 'elder goes home and tells wifey all the tidbits' problem. I was aware of several cases. We elders spoke to one fellow elder in particular when details of a particularly juicy committee matter were talked about by his wife to another member of the cong. who in turn came to us because she didn't think it was right.

  He denied it up and down. I knew he was lying but we had to drop it and hope he had learned his lesson.
• 

  Good Girl or Bad Girl?

  This is one of my biggest fears coming true. The painful personal and embarrasing things I talked to the elders about in those private meetings...all of them have wives and children...the only small amount of comfort I could find in having to divulge all of this stuff (I thought I had to) is that it would be kept confidential.

  That sucks.

  GGBG

  P.S. Welcome to the forum, Amy, and thanks for confirming this to me. It stings, but I'd rather know the truth about "the truth."
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  cathyk

  This is a lot different from my experience with confession in the Catholic Church. Not only is the priest unable to discuss what you tell him under the seal of the confessional with ANYONE else, he can't even discuss it with YOU unless you give him permission.

  I didn't realize this, even as a cradle Catholic. One time I wanted to discuss something I'd mentioned during confession just the previous day, and the priest said, "Refresh my memory." At the time I thought he was oddly forgetful -- not a usual thing for him. Now I know better.

  Are there no penalties for elders who break confidentiality?

  Cathy
• 

  Fleur

  Stories my ex told the body of elders in our hall about me are STILL making the rounds and causing quite a commotion years later. I never told my side of the story because I was afraid he'd kill me; straight up. Even if I ever did try to get reinstated for my family (which I wouldn't, besides the only person I ever imagined attempting it for was my grandmother and she's dead now) no one would ever look at me without pointing and whispering.

  they really get their kicks from this stuff. it's sick. The need to gossip points directly, in my opinion, to someone whose life is so boring that they really need to find something to do with it. I cannot stand gossip under any circumstances and have ended friendships over the other person's inability to stop doing it (about others, cause if they're talking with you about someone, then when they're not with you, they're talking about you to somebody else!)

  Welcome, Amy and Happy Birthday!

  essie
• 

  restrangled

  
  Not only do they blab, but the questions asked are of such a personal nature and ridiculous detail , I swore some of them were really getting their jollies off on the whole matter.

  Half of my Dfing comittee, years later was accused of much worse than what I went in for. One idiot was straight from Bethal, after leaving highschool. About 30 years old. Had never experienced life, not married and had it in for me big time. He was bald as an eagle, wore glasses and looked like he could have been 60 at the time. Rick D. Does that ring a bell out there? A real moron. I'd still like to wring his neck!

  amy
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  XJW4EVR

  One of the good things I learned from my father was confidentiality. He never spoke about anything relating to elders' business to my mom. Not even when mw mom's best friend was DF'ed (my mom, in tears, asked my dad why her friend was DF'ed and he just said, "It was gross sin").
• 

  freetosee

  It is the same down here. The wives and children of elders know everything. After any meeting my father told my mother what was being discussed and she would tell us. Many times when my father was on the phone with another elder we could hear everything private matter often very delicate issues were not kept confidential rather they was advertised. In time the whole congregation would be gossiping. That is what upset me when I found out about the abuse of my sister. Suddenly the confidentiality worked! It works for the protection of paedophiles, but not for the regular publishers. freetosee
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  VM44

  I think it is suspected by most people who think about it that the "secret" and "confidential" files that the Elders store at their homes are "examined" by their wifes in many instances.

  The only thing that matters to the Elders is to manage the congregation according to Watchtower directives, period! Individuals and the problems they are having are of lesser concern to them.

  --VM44