Strange spouse behavior

by mavie 19 Replies latest jw friends

  • candidlynuts

    did you have a pleasant day otherwise? focus on the positives. no reason to feel guilty about having a nice summer day at home with your loved ones..

  • Lady Liberty
    Lady Liberty

    Dear Mauvie,

    Thanks for the update. I have been thinking about you both lately. Yes, we women can be a bit confusing. But hang in there and just roll with it. It seems like you are doing a great job in not going to fast. Go at her pace. My Dad always said, "The confused mind always says NO!". So if you don't give her too much at once, she will be able to digest what you do give her. We all have been so "programed" about meeting attendance, her feeling guilty is really not that out of the norm. Hang in there! You are doing great!!


    Lady Liberty

  • sinamongurl

    she is probably taking into consideration what u have expressed to her.....theres all the other junk that goes along with thinking differently as we all know.....the guilt and pain that comes from wondering if questioning things is ok......

    so give her time.....

  • Bumble Bee
    Bumble Bee

    When I stopped going so did my hubby. At the time we were having problems and it was just something we didn't discuss. We still don't discuss it all that much, and it's been several years. I once asked him if he missed going and he told me he does from time to time. I said there was nothing stopping him from going, if he wanted to he could. He never has.

    I wouldn't say anything. Leave it up to your wife to broach the subject. Just keep doing what you're doing and see what happens.


  • jwfacts

    My wife said it was the truth for 12 months after I stopped going, but hardly ever went, couldn't be bothered without me to take her. She never let me discuss anything with her and it took her about 12 months to ask me a things doctrinally. Now she feels it is as good a religion as any, which I take as a huge step forward from believing it is the only truth, and has only attended the memorial this year.

    People dont like to be forced and they like to think it was their idea to do something. If you let her drift slowly eventually she will make the truth about the org her own. It is likely to work better than pushing her. Just try not to get too upset when she does go to the odd meeting, if you keep a good relationship she will end up wanting to support you more than support an organisation. In the Sydney exjw meetups there are a number of elder husbands that left and in each case their wives followed over time.

  • freedomlover

    this is good news mavie.

    for me it was almost like when my husband finally came out with "I don't want to be a witness anymore" it was almost like I finally gave myself permission to question things. I think in some ways I was waiting for permission from him??? if that makes any sense.....

    let her vent about how she feels guilty. It's SO important that she is identifying that emotion from not attending meetings. When she asks you "don't you feel guilty not going?" Just emphatically reply " NO! not at all!" and leave it at that......

    curiousity will get her soon enough and she'll ask you why you don't feel guilty........that should start an interesting conversation.

  • Dismembered

    Greetings Mavie,

    :We haven't gone to meeting in 2 weeks. I simply haven't prepared to go. My wife hasn't made any effort to either. She seems content to stay at home to relax and enjoy life.

    My wife feels the same way Mavie. It's an easy adjustment really. Not banging ones head against the wall comes quite naturally. Rejoice!


  • catbert

    Maybe she was just "faking" interest in the meetings before. Some women have a lot going on below the surface, and hide it to keep peace. They keep it secret. Any of you women keep secrets from your husband?

  • PaNiCAtTaCk

    You need to order "combating cult mind control" An awesome non-JW book that will totally blow both of your minds. It was a tremendous help to my wife and I when going through the guilty stage. We also got involved in American Idol for the first time and that also helped:) Stay busy and avoid places where you will run into JW's. It will help with the guilt.

  • Scully
    Haven't even talked about the Bible or anything else remotely spiritual over the past few weeks. I'm getting a little freaked out as this is out of her character.

    Have you ever considered that she may have been having similar doubts to yours for a while and is simply relieved to let go of the charade?

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