I read a bit of the koran recently and although I didn't read much I was struck by the fact that it's another religion where "you are either with us and good or an outsider and evil". That's when I put it down. I guess you are stuck between the Devil and the Deep Blue Sea if you want a life of following your own spirit.
What to do - my heart is broken - I feel like a hollow shell ....
by muslima 37 Replies latest jw experiences
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jwfacts
To be a JW in order to see you son would be to live a lie, to be manipulated by a high control group, and to be manipulated by your son. You went through all of that 11 years ago, do not set yourself up for it all again.
It is sad to have to say, but there are no easy answers when it comes to the WTS, and whatever you do there will be great pain. So you have to be true to yourself, and you have made quite clear in what you wrote as to what that is, and it definitely is not by becoming a JW again.
As JNat writes, you need to put it back onto your son. He is the shunner, but you are there for when he needs you. I am more verbal than Jnat and would probably add a few more paragraphs. I would add that you would never contemplate being a JW because they do not teach the truth and you have no intention of living a lie once again. Maybe hearing that from you will shock him into wanting to know more.
You are actually very lucky in comparison to some in your situation. Though you may not be welcome to stay there, at least your son talks to you daily. My mother won't talk to me at all, and many of the people I grew up with have not spoken to their families for many years.
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AK - Jeff
muslima -
So sorry for your dilemma. Your pain must be great.
It looks like what happened was that, between the invitation and your arrival, your son must have had a discussion with an elder or two, huh? They 'corrected' his foolish thinking that he might be able to use the witness rule of 'serious family business' dealings to visit with you. They are a sick, controlling, bunch.
It just shows how 'indoctrinated' he is. That is not likely to change until he sees the cult for what it is. There is prob little you can do to advance that process unless he will allow you to show him things that disprove his religion to be the 'truth'.
You have a good husband it seems. You have chosen to embrace a religion that you believe in, it seems. The witness cult will not forgive you. But you might be needing to sort it out a little with a counsellor. You seemed confused and pressured, but a return to what you know is wrong cannot be the answer.
Good luck to you. We are here as much as we can be to support you.
Jeff
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Nowman
Muslima...
My parents disowned me because I left the org. Have not seen my dad since Oct 1992, mom and I reunited after 8 years in 2000. One time before 2000, my dad was out of town and mom invited me to come stay with her. The day before I was suppose to leave, she called me at work and cancelled the trip because she felt guilty about associating with me (I am the only one). It completely broke my heart, it hurt so much. What you son is doing is absolutely wrong. In fact, it appears he knows its wrong too but he is too brainwashed to come out and say it out loud. If you want a relationship with your son, find ways to do it. Perhaps, send letters often to his work. Keep showing your love for him and your grandchildren by writing, maybe you will win him over eventually. I figure sending letters to his house may not be good, since the wife may throw it out. But, please do not go back to the JW cult because of what you son said, its not right. I thought of going back many times just because of my mom and dad and I did not. Eventually, mom came to her senses and left the org too. She is divorced from my dad who treated her like crap all these years (especially after I left)! How terrible. It was a dream come true to reunite with her, truly I never thought it would happen. Maybe you son will come to his senses?
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Mattica
Pardon my french and the insult, but that is a really fucking arrogant and disrespectful attitude on the part of your son. Who the hell changed his diapers, fed him, clothed him, put up with his puberty crap? It was mom! When are these God-damned jw's ever going to wake up and actually read the scriptures. Their grounds for d'sing or DAing never apply to family in the scriptures. I'm so sorry, I wish I could go over there and just slap him around a little bit. If my son did that to me, I would put him on my knee and spank him! No matter how old he was.
I assume then he is going to cut off relations between you and you grand children.Prickly proper jw should do this if they are ambitious enough to cut off relations with mom. Some states have laws that protect grandparents rights, such as with visitation rights and what not. And since he no longer wishes contact with you, I agree with another post on here that you should just go ahead and do it. But at the same time I would bombard him with articles disputing the disfellowshipping rules. Show him copies of letters written by former JW's who's jw parents still associate with them.
Anyway here's 2 links you might find ok, one is for legal actions, and the other is for Russell bible students, to show your son about his famous Christ, CTRussel.
http://www.custodycenter.com/GP-CB/index.html
http://www.biblestudents.net/history/soc.htm
Matt
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drew sagan
I would simply ask your son what kind of harm is coming from your presense. Is he doing this to try and get you to come back to the JWs? My only suggestion is that you continue to shower him with love. Don't even bother with doctrine. Be there for him. Send him cards. Call him on the phone. Leave him messages. There is nothing like a mothers guilt!!!!!!! Ask him if rejecting his mother is somthing Jesus would approve of. Never stop loving.
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stevenyc
Muslima,
What a sad state of affaires your in. I am sorry for your broken heart.
You have a JW son who says: and that though I could stay with them THIS time -- it would never happen again -- unless I came back.to the JWs .... I love you Mom but it is what it is --
And a muslim husband who : keeps pressuring me to either stick with my Islamic vows or at least I must become and part some religion .... threats even about our marriage
As one poster said, you are stuck between the Devil and the Deep. The advice I would give myself would be to tell everyone to accept me as who I am, and if they cant live with that because of their controls, well, so be it. But, alas, thats me and not you.
Take care
steve
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anewme
Muslima, dont give up hope. Your son is under the spell of the Watchtower teachings. Just let things be. There is no way to fight this fight except with love. Love is the strongest element in reaching the heart.
Enjoy your stay with the family. Send thankyous, gifts, pictures. Ask for updated pictures. Send gifts and cards throughout the year (non holiday times). They may not acknowledge the gifts, but then again, they may. I began to send gifts to my family members. They receive them secretly in the privacy of their own homes so there is no fear of others seeing them enjoy and feel some love and compassion for me.
It is working. The communication is softening over time. I send happy updated pictures of myself. I do not condemn them personally for their inability to associate.
If I took the hard line and turned the venom against my relatives and scolded them harshly for their stand, they would demonize me and reject me totally. My attitude is that I have been banished to a penal isle but I am still alive and still love them. They seem to accept the distant relationship.
Its all I have Muslima.
That......and life and freedom and sunshine and singing birds and a good relationship with my God in my heart.
It is not the end of life to be banished away from loved ones. At first I thought it was. But thousands of people have before us and found that NEW loves come into life and NEW HAPPINESSES happen that add to the pleasure of life along with the sweet memories of the past.
There are no guarantees in life Muslima. Life is like a river that flows this way and that way. It is not a controllable straight path. But there is beauty at the different twists and turns. Go with the flow. Follow your river path. Do not resist it. You will find peace and beauty and wisdom along the way.
Peace to you Muslima,
Anewme -
anewme
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muslima
Thank you all for your thougts and ideas and most importantly for taking the time to post. It really touches my heart so much. I will read again all of your comments in depth after I return home....This evening is my last evening with my son, daughter-in-law, granddaughter and another one on the way...I know I shall go through a case of kleenex tomorrow... please think of me.