What to do - my heart is broken - I feel like a hollow shell ....

by muslima 37 Replies latest jw experiences

  • muslima
    muslima

    nothing in side.

    I will give you all the short storyl I was married to an elder - had 3 beautiful chilren -- after 17 years of mariiage -- I couldn't take it all any more. I bailed when my youngest was 11, 13 and 16.

    It was my intention to be no religion at all. I abhor organized religion. But I fell in love with an Arab muslim. Being my first chance to even dissuss religion - the disscussions were facinating. I fell in love with the man and the religion. I converted and married him. This is over a course of 11 years. Yes I had to be excluded from my son's wedding - my daughters first wedding. The baby's pictures...all of it.

    I have worked very hard for over 5 years to rebuild with my son what had been broken. we chat everyday and I keep up with my granddaughters activities.

    This week I was so excited! I was invited to Michigan, (I live in LA) to visit my son and his expectin wife and my little miss -- and I was invited to stay with them!! This was monumental!!

    The second day after I arrive - mother and daughter went to the meeting. My son took me downstairs for a talk. In tears - he basically told me he had made a mistake to invite me to stay with them in their home. Contact is supposed to be limited to important family business...and that though I could stay with them THIS time -- it would never happen again -- unless I came back.to the JWs (my granddaughter is 3 years old) To quote my son - I love you Mom but it is what it is --

    How am I to deal with this? My true doctrinal beliefs are truly Islamic...yet if I come back to JW - I can have my son and his family.

    His sisters do not practice so they do not have this problem. They did the fade. I handed in a DA letter.

    My husband in the meantime - keeps pressuring me to either stick with my Islamic vows or at least I must become and part some religion. So make up your mind what is it whatis it...Not to mention other threats even about our marriage which I try so hard to secure and hold on to be cause I love the man.

    I am so confused I dont know what to do...Any anwers/thoughts?

    My heart is completely broken. Does this make Jehovah happy?

  • parakeet
    parakeet

    I don't have the experience or the qualifications to give you advice about your terrible dilemma, but my heart goes out to you, and I hope you can find a resolution that will give you peace.

  • daniel-p
    daniel-p

    I think you're asking the wrong set of people about this one. In fact, I don't think you should ask anyone about this - for you must make your own decision. We all live with our own decisions, right?

  • Dismembered
    Dismembered

    Greetings muslima

    It's sad to hear your situation. Unfortunately, there are many here in the same predicament. You need to remember that as the years have passed, watchtower has not changed its stand on someone who has da'd themself or been disfellowshipped. It is a destructive cult that your son and daughter in law are involved with. Although no very comforting, remembering that may help your emptiness.

    I have two grand daughters that in years from now (if they stick with it) will probably marry in the cult, and I'll not be invited. I'm already trying to adjust my thinking to that end. It's sick, but it more than likely will happen. If "misery loves company" you've come to the right place for friendly advice. Many here on this board will give you sound advice. Remember, situations in peoples lives continuallly change, some for the worst, and some for the better. Hopefully with the passing of time your emptiness will pass and perhaps your son may change his views. What he said is mean!

    Dismembered

  • MidwichCuckoo
    MidwichCuckoo

    ''My true doctrinal beliefs are truly Islamic...yet if I come back to JW - I can have my son and his family.''



  • trevor
    trevor

    muslima

    I have great sympathy for the dilemma you find yourself in. Many on this forum have been through similar experiences.

    Perhaps you should look at the cause of these problems. Religion. You have left the slavery of one religion only to be caught up in another. How many gods do you think there are? As long as you build your life with people who identify themselves through a religion you will be exposed to heartache and blackmail.

  • coffee_black
    coffee_black

    I truly feel for you. Like you, I ended my marriage after 19 years. Luckily, my children came with me and left the cult. I cannot imagine what it would have been like if they had not.

    Regarding your current marriage...you say your husband is pressuring you. Your loving him does not give him the right to dictate your relationship with God. I think you have substituted one cult for another...

    In the end, only you can decide what to do from this point. Sounds like you have some tough decisions to make. Maybe you should do what is best for you....and not listen to the emotional blackmail you are receiving from both sides.

    Coffee

  • damselfly
    damselfly

    I'm sorry that I have no advice for you. It's a sad situation.

    I hope you can come to a decision that will be the best for you at this time.

    Dams

  • unique1
    unique1

    You have to be true to yourself. If you live your life to please others, you can never be truly happy. I have tried, I know.

    If you feel that the Muslim religion is right for you, then stick with it. If you go back to the JW's you will feel as if you are being untrue to yourself, living a lie.

  • jgnat
    jgnat
    My son took me downstairs for a talk. In tears - he basically told me he had made a mistake to invite me to stay with them in their home. Contact is supposed to be limited to important family business...and that though I could stay with them THIS time -- it would never happen again -- unless I came back.to the JWs (my granddaughter is 3 years old) To quote my son - I love you Mom but it is what it is --

    I think you should give your son a short reply. "Then you have decided to cut me off. Good bye. If you ever change your mind, I am here." As you know, the JW's are taught that shunning is the only way to shame those who have left in to returning. This is an evil teaching, and your son needs to feel the full power of his decision to cut you off. Painful for you, I know.

    I am very angry that your son would have a change of heart WHILE YOU WERE THERE. Did he not consider the pain he would inflict on his own mother?

    I also think you must have a long talk with your muslim husband. My muslim friend tells me that family is very important in their religion. Ask him what his is willing to do to help restore your family to you. Not that I think there is much you can do, the JW's love the organization far more than family.

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