A wedding UNinvitation... please help me before I flip

by Fleshybirdfodder 24 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  sass_my_frass

  When I was heartbroken after I broke up with my non-witness fiancee on the advice of every idiot JW who thought they had a say in my life, I heard about a wedding of an old JW mate. It was a five hour drive away and I had to stay overnight at my bros to get there. I wasn't invited to the reception but I thought I'd go to the wedding anyway; that's what you do here. A few years prior he and I and a couple of other mates formed a 'single until armageddon' club, and I was about to become the only one still single. I thought it would be nice to be there, represent the 'club', and wish them well. When he saw me after the ceremony his face fell, he didn't even say hello, he just turned away. I must have ruined his day just by being there, me the sister who'd proven her faith by giving up her love.

  Screw them all.
• 

  Fleshybirdfodder

  Thanks so much. Just had to vent. I feel a lot better now. I know we aren't the first to go through this (I'm so sorry garybuss), it was just a very visceral reaction. Appreciate your thoughts so much... and I am very proud of my brother for taking the high road.
• 

  luna2

  Could always send the nasty uninviter a crappy gift (or better yet, a re-gift) to kind of help that karma thing along a bit...an ugly clock, a cheesy picture (hmmm, maybe of the GB), a hideous fake floral arrangement? No? lol Sorry, I'm a horrible vengeful person sometimes.
• 

  Lehtiveli

  Little same as things what happened to me when I got married.
  None of my JW relatives came to our wedding, my mom&dad came but they ran away about 10 seconds after my best friend, who got disfellowshipped some weeks before my wedding, arrived. It wasn't so hard for me, but it was harder on my wife because she could not even think that my relatives don't want to see her. Luckily she didn't get very sad and she got over it pretty quickly.... Now we have been married over 6 months and everything is still fine, not satanic influence like my parents said ;)
• 

  Dismembered

  Greetings fleshybirdfodder

  Not sure if you've ever been to a Witness wedding. I have DJ'd many. Most of them suck with their unspiked, marshmallow pink punch. Don't worry he's probably not missing a damn thing.

  Dismembered
• 

  rebel8

  Ask her if she's aware it's a gigantic violation of etiquette to un-invite someone to a social event....translation in case she doesn't get it: "RUDE". If they weren't going to let him come for any reason, they shouldn't have invited him in the first place.

  Then ask why the Bible teaches kindness and politeness while the JWs constantly ignore those principles in their social interactions. Why is it that "wordly" people are more polite than they are?
• 

  West70

  "Taking the high road" by FACILITATING AND COOOPERATING IN YOUR OWN SHUNNING is about as "noble" and "intelligent" as a rape victim bending over and handing a jar of vaseline to their rapist.
  
  Just within the past two months, my JW Aunt (and next-door neighbor) submitted to the local Elders' demands that none of the several ex-JWs in our family be permitted to function as pallbearers at my Uncle's funeral (never a JW) as the local Elders' condition in order to get a local Elder to do the funeral.
  
  Well, not only did I boycott the funeral, I boycotted all the preliminaries -- visitations, etc., also.
  
  Less than two weeks after the funeral, my Aunt hollers across the fence, and asks me if I will take on the task of regularly mowing her yard.
  
  Given that two JW Elders live within 300 feet on her, need I type out my reply?
  
  Also, given what we all know about the "loving JW Brethren", need I tell you if the Elders have mowed her yard even once?
  
  
  As far as I'm concerned, JW SHUNNING works both ways, and any JW who SHUNS me better count the cost before they do so.
  
  
  PS: My Uncle had a girl by his first wife, and she and her children were so upset at the JW beliefs attributed to my Uncle in the funeral talk (that her father never believed), that when they got to the gravesite service, they plugged in a cassette of "AMAZING GRACE" (bagpipe version) into their car stereo system and blasted it across the graveyard as the pallbearers carried the casket fom the hearse to the gravesite. I was told that the attending JWs almost crapped their underpants; and the JW Speaker tried to stop the tape, but failed. :) :)
• 

  jgnat

  fleshlybird, you have an awesome brother. I've learned through painful experience it does no good to involve yourself in a third-party dispute. As angry as you are over the rudeness, the injustice, leave it up to your brother to handle the situation. He has, with grace.

  I don't know what I'll do if my mom still goes. I'm quite certain she will.

  Do nothing.

  What am I going to say to her?

  Say nothing. If you try and uninvite her, you will simply add to the bad behavior.

  Now, reward your brother for his awesomeness. Perhaps the two of you can go some place fun on the wedding day. Mini-golf or something.
• 

  serendipity

  Hi West,

  I hope you were kind to your Aunt. After all, she just lost her husband and the elders were basically manipulating her. They were wrong to do that. And since you are a relative, the elders will expect you to help her. Though they "assisted" with the funeral, it's unlikely they'll assist her with ongoing practical matters.

  If I were in this position, I'd have a talk with the elders, pointing out the obligation they have toward her, especially since they alienated family members. Not that it would do any good, but I'd also tell them to butt out. I'd also let the CO know and I'd call the branch. People need to speak up when they see abuses going on.

  I feel very sorry for your aunt. She's a victim at a very vulnerable time.
• 

  anewme

  I agree that your brother took the high road of courtesy and grace, but unfortunately some people just dont get it! That poor witless was reacting the only way he has been trained to. He has not spent years honing his own grace and spirituality, he has been working hard to stifle his own conscience and do the will of the Society. He has succeeded.
  
  Im sure your brother is ok with the whole thing and has successfully moved on. We all should.