Life IN or Out of JW's suck (page 2)

Finally-Free

If the "bebo" group is getting you down, stay away from it. If you have any true friends there, they'll make an effort to contact you personally. If not, then they're deadweight. You're better off without them.

Get involved in local charities. You'll meet some nice people that way. It's even working for me, and I'm a natural antisocial.

4. Don't be overly critical of the people that show up. This is just the beginning of a friendship circle. These people also have other friends who they may eventually introduce to you.

This is important, and it's a tendency I have to fight every day. As JWs we were taught to be critical of everything and everybody, and to overlook people's many good attributes because of a single negative one.

W

jw

Hello Smoky.

What is it you actually miss.?

Are you married o single?

Cause I could understand if you were single but if married you should enjoy family first.

Jw is a church just like all the rest and not a place to make friends and hang out. Yea it would be great if that happened but Jw's were never really into making and keeping new friends.

I don't have an issue of being in or out of the Jw congregation. I am not a people person.

I go to study the bible and thats it.

I have God and my family and I am happy.

The fact that you are haveing issues means there is something missing in your personal life.

If ya wanna talk I have an ear an will help.

PoppyR

Is this the kind a thing that gets people to return?

When I went to the memorial, it did hit me why people carry on going even when they think it's wrong..

It's a feeling of 'belonging' that some people crave. However they are not your real friends as you have found! Life does suck if you let it.

But you can turn this around and be pro active in getting happy and having real friends.

I left behind many life long friends in the witnesses. But I have since found how true they were, as they one by one stop contacting me and inviting me to events etc.

I have just a couple of 'worldly' friends but they are true, and there for me no matter what. It's worth it smoky! Get out there!

Poppy x

greendawn

I also think that at present you are in a kind of vacuum you didn't quite leave the JWs and you are in no man's land. If you completely move out of their gravity things will improve as you will begin to relate normally to the rest of society.

thecarpenter

I couldn't agree more with the various replies. Ask yourself, what 2 things could I be doing that can have a significant impact on my life? Then ask yourself, why am I not doing them? You need to take control of your life and you can do it man.

Mr. Rebel8

Hey Smokey,

Just to add to what Audesapare was saying regarding making new friends, keep in mind that we make our friends (for the most part) one by one over time - our best friends more slowly. It will take time to make more friends to replace the once you left behind. But you did it before, you can do it again. Imagine the scenario of moving to a new city in a new state. You'd be forced to make all new acquaintances.

Also, as a few have already posted, you have to get off the fence. To quote Mr. Miyagi from Karate Kid: "Danielsan, you must do karate yes or you must do karate no. Or sooner or later, get squished like grape!" Now, I'm sure I completely misquoted Pat Morita's character, but the message is quite clear. You'll only keep getting hurt if you sit on the fence.

I'd also like to submit the possibility that you never actually need to go outside your own home to meet new friends. Not with the internet having something like a billion users. It has been my experience that 80% of all my best conversations have been with like-minded people on line! What are friends for if not to share ideas, feelings, successes, failures, love, hate, and opinions with? However, that being said, it's probably not a bad idea to get off your butt once in a while and leave the house.

Just an outsider's opinion

White Waves

Smoky - I was in the same place for years and years, even before I decided to offically be gone. I realized I was basically blackballed by the JWs and had no one outside... I had created my own hell. You need to make a decision and ACT on it. When I was brave enough to try making friends outside the JWs it was hard, it still is. Most are ones I've met through my boyfriend. I was so sheltered in the JWs and like other comments, programmed to be so critical on others and me. Trust me - it is worth the effort. My life is becoming fuller. I am learning what friends really are and that I I am worthy. You are worthy. Believe it and reach out. We are alway here on the Web for you too.

ferret

I cannot add any more to all the good advice posted above. Take time to analyze it, a lot of good suggestions there.

sass_my_frass

Hi bub, aaaw sorry you're having a bad time! It gets a lot better. Have you been seeking out new friends?

I've had the totally opposite experience; a different perspective might help here...

I've been keeping tabs on my old congregation for the last 3+ years (I dont even remember when was the last time I went to a meeting) It is not easy, I have joined a site named 'bebo' and have a handfull of so called 'friends' in my network. Mostly from my old congregation, they seem to acknowledge my existence, but keep there distance. NO one ever invites me to anything or to hang out.

Okay,. now you knew that you'd lose touch with them, so it's not so much the surprise that they could be so cold, as the depth of the hurt you weren't expecting? I suggest this: to hell with them and their conditional friendships! You're who you are, and if they judge you for that, they don't deserve you! It could hurt to be checking out their lives, you should focus now on your life.

I am out of the loop and feel like, like, like a loser, a big loser. Is this the kind a thing that gets people to return?

It made me think about it (I can go back at any time, I am not DF or DA).

Firstly, if you were a big loser, you wouldn't have wised up and left! They're the losers, they're the ones who still think they're god's chosen ones who will be spared from destruction "soon". They're the ones who will waste their lives waiting for it, and look like morons doing so. They're the freaks here hon. And secondly, yes it is the most powerful control agent they have; shunning you (and that's what they're doing) is meant to show you what you're missing and make you want it back. What are you really missing? Yes you don't get to be their friends. But are they really friends, if you can't be yourself? Pretending to believe that schmuck so that I could keep my friends is what eventually wore me out.

I should not complain though, I think I acted the same way toward others when i was in da truff. What goes around comes around.

Live and learn! You've picked up some manners now, right? :) Try a new thing this week; something that's always interested you, get into it. Get your mind off this so that when you think about it again you'll have a new perspective on it. Hope it gets better.

jwfacts

I love life and did both as a JW and more so as not one. The more you give of yourself the better it gets. Whether a JW or not people generally do not give back as much as you have to give out, so there is no point counting on things being even, just be the nicest person you can to others.
Move on and build new friends. When people move congregations they do not keep in touch with many from their former congregation, moving on from the WTS is just the same. Find new people.

Life IN or Out of JW's suck

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