Life IN or Out of JW's suck

Smoky

I've been keeping tabs on my old congregation for the last 3+ years (I dont even remember when was the last time I went to a meeting) It is not easy, I have joined a site named 'bebo' and have a handfull of so called 'friends' in my network. Mostly from my old congregation, they seem to acknowledge my existence, but keep there distance. NO one ever invites me to anything or to hang out.
Time flies and things change. I have seen pictures on the site of members and see how the kids have grown to teenagers and how the 'click' I use to roll with are finally maturing and get married.
I am out of the loop and feel like, like, like a loser, a big loser.
I am sad that i dont get to feel the joy these moments bring. I guess it is my fault, I am the one who stop going to the meetings, thus abandoned them and everything that has to do with them, in their eyes. Plus I am probably looked on as a bad influence.

Is this the kind a thing that gets people to return?
It made me think about it (I can go back at any time, I am not DF or DA).

I should not complain though, I think I acted the same way toward others when i was in da truff.
What goes around comes around.

Life sucks.

TheListener

Hi Smoky.

Have you tried finding friends outside the borg who actually care about you and want to be your friend for who you are and not what you believe? It takes time but real friendships can be made.

I'm sorry that your current friends are treating you so poorly. I think you should move on.

imho only.

What-A-Coincidence

Life can suck if YOU LET IT. I went through that phase myself. It takes awhile. So what can help? I associate with my non believing family and do not think about overly think about my JW associations. Remove your bebo account otherwise it will be a drain on you - IMHO. Time to recreate your life...time to awaken the giant within you (C).

wac

luna2

Smoky one, it's time to start looking outside of dubdom for some new friends. Not always easy but worth making the effort. Clinging to the fringes of the JW-life is pretty unfulfilling and depressing.

juni

Hi Smoky,

Just read your post and the answers from others.

I couldn't agree more with the sound advice given. Get off of "bebo" - it is draining you. These are CONDITIONAL friends.

Start circulating among people who like you for who you are and who have common interests. These will become UNCONDITIONAL friends.

Do what is best for you. Set your boundaries with people and don't accept those people who make you feel bad about yourself. With JWs it is their way or no way. Also, if you become friends with some of JWs who are on the "fringe" they will turn on you at some time to deflect blame from themselves. And that opens up a can of worms. It happened to our son who was blamed for others' wrongdoing and then he was left out. You can't win w/these people. They are back stabbers.

I'll get off my soapbox and I do hope you will make good choices for yourself and your happiness.

Juni

What-A-Coincidence

yo smoky - i just glanced at your other posts/topics...this topic seems to be an issue since Feb. Things have gotten worse for you? What did you think of the responses/suggestions you got?

a concerned friend - wac

anewme

Its true Smoky, looking at web postings of old friends will get you down faster than anything.
The WTS counts on it. The advice here to make new friends and hang with nonJW family members is very good advice.

Something I've done when I was down and lonely was to pm a favorite poster here. I have pmd alot of people here, introducing myself and thanking them for their insightful posts and I would receive the best heartfelt letters in return!

Those private pms have been the most influential in my healing progress. And through them I have more confidence in the average person out there to become a friend if you give them a chance.

Try it. Hey, pm me!

Best wishes to you Smoky,

Anewme

AudeSapere

I think the reason if feels like it sucks to you is because you are not out. You are still in - just standing on the edge looking longingly at only the 'good' things (at least it seems like 'good things' because you miss it and the people tell you they are happy.)

I agree with the others. Stop looking at that site and start finding new friends. THEN you really will have something fun to share if/when you meet up with your witness friends in real life. (or anyone else for that matter.)

Simple suggestions for finding a few friends:

1. Start as acquaintences.

2. Start a thread here on JWD to see if there are other ex-witnesses in your area. Set a date, time and location and invite them to meet up for dinner. (Choose a place that's not too noisy and relatively inexpensive.) Viola!! Instant opportunity for new friends.

3. The same group can go bowling that very night - or another night a couple of weeks later. (Get phone numbers, if people are interested. Encourage them to bring a friend or two.)

4. Don't be overly critical of the people that show up. This is just the beginning of a friendship circle. These people also have other friends who they may eventually introduce to you.

5. Volunteer in your community. (There was a good thread about this over the weekend.)

6. Take a class. Many classes are ideal for working in 'study groups' - a cluster of 3 or 4 people. Even if just to study for a test, it's a nice opportunity to meet at a local coffee house and chat. Take a break and suggest you all go for a walk to energize your minds.

7. Check out local chapter of the 'Sierra Club'. They often have hikes and trail maintenance sessions.

Once you start getting just a few acquaintences, they can develop into friends. When you start having real friends - not conditional ones - and start doing activities that you believe in, you won't think life sucks anymore.

Post more. Read the responses. Let us know how things are going. We have ALL been where you now.

Take Care,

-Aude.

fullofdoubtnow

Hi smoky, I am so sorry you are having a tough time. I can only add to what many other posters have said - get out more, go to non - jw related events. You wil soon make new friends who will like you for what you are, not what they think you should be. And most of all, stay off bebo. It is obviously not doing you any good at all going there.

I am out of the loop and feel like, like, like a loser, a big loser.

Why do you think you feel this way? Could it be that the wts shunning policy is working on you? They say it's done out of love, but there is nothing loving about it. It's used as a weapon to keep people in or guilt those who leave into returning. Please don't let that happen to you. You have your chance of freedom now, grab it with both hands and never give it up.

love

Linda

lovelylil

Smokey,

Why are you standing by in limbo watching your old JW friends live their lives? You need to either go back and join them or leave completely and make a life for yourself. Many here will agree that since leaving altogether, our lives are much better and richer. I for one have much more time to enjoy my children and do things with my hubby. Before we were all always stressed. On meeting nights I would be frantic trying to cook dinner, help with HW and I had no patience with anyone. And I had almost no support system at all because everyone was so busy trying to study for all the meetings, plus attend, then service that socially, almost no one had time to get together. Also, my kids had almost no friends because our hall had no other kids. Now we have lots of friends, we are re-connecting with family and attending a good non-denomination church. In the long run, things will work out but you have to get off the fence and do something. Hope this helps you.

Life IN or Out of JW's suck

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