Do you think the real reason why Elders don't make shepherding visits is... (page 3)

Elsewhere

I heard the pages are "wipe clean"

lmao! Dude, you're nasy!

I think there is merit to the lack of training that the elders have. They have been given a rather rigid set of rules, rather than flexible guidelines. This is the problem. One person's issue is not the same as another's.

I also fault a lack of prayer. By this I mean empathetic prayer. One of the first things I noticed when I started going to church, was the difference in the prayers. The Christians I met, prayed to a God they knew on an intimate basis. Nearly every JW prayer I recall was perfunctory & wooden. They were prayers that merely bounced off the ceiling.

Another elelment is a lack of a true servant's heart. Granted, there are a few that have the heart to trully wnat to help someone, but most Elder's simply having enjoy the power & prestige of the title. This is in sharp contrast to what I have seen and been taught. Jesus set the model for how to serve, and it is not reflected in how the JWs deal with troubled members of the R&F. I have often thought that if Jesus was truly a JW, he would have stoned the woman caught in adultery (funny how the man was not brought forth by the Jewish religionists). He never would have spoke with the Samaritan woman. After all they did not worship the "true God." Jesus modeled servanthood by doing the most menial task of that day to His disciples. He washed their feet. When was the last time you saw an elder do something degrading or menial for a member of the R&F?

One last factor. Restoration versus condemnation. I have seen people confess sin to leaders in the churches I have attended and been in a leadership position at that would have gotten them DF'd from any KH. These were never removed from their post for their sin, unless it was habitual, and there was wide knowledge of the situation. However, when people blow it, they are restored, their wounds bound, and given numerous opportunities to change.

misspeaches

Okay I have an exception to relate.

Some years ago I was living interstate and I actually liked the congregation I belonged to. LOL. Well the elders asked if they could come and pay a sheperading visit on myself and two flatmates. We were packing it. We couldn't think what we had done wrong for them to want to call around. Well they did come around and it was literally to encourage us. They wanted to let us know they noticed how hard we were trying etc and that we were fine examples plus other stuff.

Pondering on it all I wonder if I had stayed in that congregation if I would have stayed a JW. I guess in the long run its a good thing I moved away and left.

proandcon

Blondie is right on...good sheparding calls take effort and time...two things most elders don't "buy out"(I was one on several bodies...incl ones near bethel)...plud if you shepard someone correctly it means you are actively seeking to "help" them...most elders really don;'t want to get that close to the "flock of God (who is suppossed to be in their care)...additionally many elders are quite poor at spending the time to prepare for the study to upbuild one spiritually...many have a poor handle on the scriptures in an "informal" setting and fear not "looking good"...there are many other reasons...it is suppossed to be key feature of the bodies activity...mostly it isn't even close...sometimes ...mostly thru guilt...an effort is started...but it always wanes withing a few months...it is one of the best kept "jokes" of the arrangement...the "sheparding call"...

proandcon (former elder)

Finally-Free

I eventually decided we wouldn't accept shepherding calls any more after 3 no-shows on the part of the elders. My ex went to the trouble of making coffee, baking, etc. only to have the elders fail to show up or even call to cancel. Very rude. When asked later, they said they "forgot", so the last time I told them if they ever felt an inclination to speak with us in the future they could do it at the hall, as my time was just as valuable as theirs and I wasn't prepared to waste any more of it waiting for them.

If they really didn't want to meet with us, then why did they bother making all the phone calls to schedule a date and time? It would have been easier to ignore us and frankly, I would have preferred it. Elders never had anything encouraging to say anyhow.

W

XJW4EVR

I recall one shepherding call during my fade. Two elders came, one I respected as a good elder (Swan)and the other (Cahill) I was not too familiar with, though my ex had gotten to know him well. AS they began to council me, Bro. Cahill, began to berate me, and accuse me of running ahead of the Borg. He said that I needed to learn submission. I responded to him, "No, one speaks to me in that manner in my house. You came as a guest, and now you must leave my home." I then turned to Bro. Swan, and told him that he was welcome to stay since he did not disrespect the headship I held in my home.

Since they had come in Cahill's car they both left. They never came back again, and I continued my fade.

roybatty

I HATED making sheperding calls for two reasons.....

One, I disliked sticking my nose is another person's business. There I was a young, twenty-somthing elder listening to a couple on the verge of divorce or someone else who had a drinking problem or some other serious problem. WTF???? They didn't want your advice. They knew we weren't trained to help people with these types of serious problems. Then, to top it off, you'd give them stupid advice (i.e. make the meetings, study as a family, put Jehovah first, etc..)

Two, I quickly grew tired of spending my evenings with crazy people. Most JWs have serious metal problems and here I was (after working all day) having to sit down with them, listen to them bitch and complain - then listen to some wacked-out idea they have. Then, to top it off, I'd give them stupid advice (i.e. make the meetings, study as a family, put Jehovah first, etc...)

delilah

It's a sad, vicious cycle.

Eventually, those few sincere elders get frustrated, quit and are replaced by incompetent glory seekers & everyone suffers even more!

I agree with you Amnesty. I've seen it happen in my congregation many times. The good elders, those who truly cared, stepped down, to preserve their own sanity, and one eventually left altogether. The good ones are almost extinct...I never wanted to marry a man who wished to become an elder. It is too much of a burden on the family all way 'round.

FlyingHighNow

Hypochondriacs? That's one of the most judgmental things I've heard an exjw say. People are better off not being called on by elders who would label them as hypochondriacs.

willyloman

People are better off not being called on by elders who would label them as hypochondriacs.

I couldn't agree more.

Do you think the real reason why Elders don't make shepherding visits is...

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