Riddle me this....

by Serene 32 Replies latest jw friends

  • greendawn

    JWs don't mix well with non JWs and their leaders strongly discourage them from marrying with outsiders whom they despisingly call the "worldly people" that will soon die at armageddon (so what's the point of marrying one?) and it obviously makes little sense to have intimate relationships with such people. However this one may no longer believe in their ideology since he wants to have a relationship with you.

  • fullofdoubtnow

    Hi Serene and welcome to the board

    I hope things work out well for you, but jws as a people don't encourage mixing with outsiders and your bf may one day have to choose between you and them. They will most likely force this choice on him if they find out about you, and there is no telling which way he will go, it all depends on how much his religion means to him. I sincerely hope he never hurts you, but brace yourself, it may happen.

  • Sad emo
    Sad emo

    Welcome, Serene

    Can't add much to what the others have said. I hope you research all angles and come to the decision which is best for you.

  • merfi

    This happened to me, Serene. I fell in high school for a Witness boy. Now granted, we were 16, not 10 years older. But the story is nonetheless still appropriate I think. Anyway, he wasn't the strongest JW in the bunch... But he also waited until the relationship got to a good deepness before letting me know that he couldn't/wouldn't choose me over his faith. (as deep as a relationship can get at 17/18 etc) So, I chose him over my OWN faith (or lack thereof, I was never really anything...) and family and started studying once I went to college. I was baptized in '89, we were married in '90. I basically went through the motions FOR HIM. My family freaked and I lost a part of them, too. I did try to believe; at one time maybe I did as it was all so logical, which appealed to me. But of course, retrospectively, I was given only one side to this 'logic'. In '99 or so, I stumbled on a website about the blood issue, and that was the beginning of the end for me. I tried to shove it to the back of my mind, but after the past 5-6 years, it resurfaced along with many other huge, life-changing events and I left. Now, I am shunned by those who at one time claimed to "love" me. Thank goodness my family is not JW as they've been my rock, as have been my "worldly" friends at work.

    Anyway... like others have said, find out as MUCH as you can about JW -- their history, their doctrines (and changes thereof)... talk to these wonderful people here to get their experiences. See what you'd be getting into. Most of all -- talk to your BF. Give him as many "what if" scenarios as you can think of because this is a huge thing.

    I'd ramble more but I have to get myself to work (yeppers, I have an awesome job as a result of a college degree -- something JW don't care much for). :) PM me if you like.


  • Legolas

    Welcome to the board!

    The info and advice you already got is very good, research them.

    Since his family are all JW's and if he believes it to be the 'truth', there is troubled water in the future for both you and him!

    Good luck!

  • ferret

    His plan is to convert you a little at a time. My advice is to run from this situation before you become deeper involved and end up with a broken heart.

    One who knows the way they work.

  • Mary
    He recommends that I visit the Kingdom Hall just to see what its about.

    You should recommend that he visit this site just to see what its about.

  • mkr32208
    You should recommend that he visit this site just to see what its about.

    Here here! Fair is fair after all!

    I would make him come on here and be there with him when he does. Watch his attitude. Does he grow angry? Bitter? Hateful? Read up on cults a bit before bringing him on here then think about if it's worth it...


  • ButtLight

    Hello, and welcome.

    Im not sure if anyone mentioned it, but also, they dont believe in taking blood transfusions. So If you had kids, and one of them needed one, he may refuse!!!! They can only take portions of the blood. If he were in good standing in his religion, he wouldnt be dating you. So, there is a possiblility it could work. But its sure worth checking into All their beliefs before you jump into marraige. If he would be disfellowshipped for dating you, did you know that his whole congregation and his family members arent allowed to speak to him? Yes, even family will shun him. I have a huge family, and hardly anyone says a word to me! Hope it all works out for you!

  • jaredg
    But I am a good person. Ive been blessed. Im a (conscientious) law student, former teacher, I volunteer with the homeless and juveniles...Im empathetic, hard working and God-fearing.... I dont mean sound like Im tooting my own horn because God is responsible for my growth but I hate the idea that Im may not good enough for him to date.

    WOW you sound perfect. Hit me up if things don't work out

    p.s. I hope things work out for you.

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