Apostafest Caption Comp ~ Apostates Only! ~ BBQ Book Prize

by unclebruce 52 Replies latest jw friends

  • unclebruce

    G'day hunter gatherers,

    I have a copy here of Metal Meat and Fire: The Legendary Aussie BBQ .

    It is packed with pictures of Australians showing off their home made BBQ's and cooking techniques. I will post a free copy to the person with the best caption to the accompanying apostaphotos. This comp will run for exactly one week to give everyone a fair go. I'm not sure how or who should Judge it. Perhaps my college Doc Jeckll will accept the flak priveledge™ Nah I'll judge it - with any luck the doc will have three entries in before I have this posted (don't know how he does it).
    Caption Competition Photos:

    Photo 1:

    Photo 2:

    Photo 3:

    Photo 4:

    Photo 5:

    Selected advice on bbq'n your lamb from the book “Metal Meat and Fire :The Legendary Aussie BBQ"The Aussie barbecue is a universal ritual that unites us as nation and combines religious worship, tribal bonding and a ritual hunting ceremony all rolled into one. St Laurence, the patron saint of the barbecue In AD 258, the early Christian church of Rome was in trouble with the Emperor Valerian, who demanded that Laurence, then a deacon of the church, should bring forth its treasures. Laurence produced not the hoped-for pile of silver and gold but some paupers under the care of the church. For his cheek, Laurence was roasted over a spit. He is alleged to have said at one point: 'Turn me over, I'm done on this side.' For his martyrdom St Laurence has become the patron saint of cooks (and thus barbecues) and is associated with helping the poor. St Laurence's holy day is 10 August. Sounds like a good excuse for a barbie. Cooling down a fire If your fire is burning too hot and your potential meal is actually on fire, there are a number of stunts you can pull to rectify the situation. If set on fine mist, the water spray will not put the fire out but just cool it down a bit. Other options include spreading salt on the charcoal, covering the fire with already cooled ashes, raking some of the fuel away from the scene of the action or, as a last resort, shaking up your beer and spraying it over the fire. You need a poker

    You've got to have something to poke the fire with - a stick, a piece of wire, a length of metal bent at right angles at the end, a shovel if you've got a big fire. It's just not the same otherwise. It is important to be able to manipulate the fire - cool it down, stoke it up, move it around. Hell, you're in charge, aren't you? To prick or not to prick

    Burst sausages can be a particularly unpleasant sight on a barbecue, looking something like giant mutant worms writhing in slow motion. As a result, some people like to prick holes in their sausages to release the built-up pressure of molten fats before they explode. To the serious barbecuer this is a terrible sin and a sign that the snag has been cooked on a fire that is too hot or is cooking unevenly. Such a person would argue that the amount of fat in the sausage is the amount that the sausage-maker wanted, and pricking holes in it results in the fat draining away to make a dry and tasteless sausage. Avoiding food poisoning Whilst it can be amusing to horrify overseas tourists to have blowies crawling all over the food, it's not a good idea. Keep bacteria away from food - keep the flies off the food and cover it up until it is about to be used. Do not cough on food, chew your fingernails or scratch your bum whilst serving snags. Barbecue Hazards Fire ban regulations must be followed. The fines for breaking them are enormous, but no less so than the shame that will fall upon you if you burn the neighbourhood down. Barbecuing in chiffon dresses, nighties, hippie outfits and any such loose-fitting attire that is likely to catch on fire is not a good idea.
    Starting the barbie with petrol is dumb, dumb, dumb. A legendary US barbecuer died this way several years ago. The average American eats the equivalent of seven whole cows in his or her lifetime Australians eat an average of six. You've sent out a smoke signal to the neighbours that is every bit as good as Tarzan beating his chest and bellowing "Meat! Meat! Once more I have provided meat for my family!"

  • ballistic



  • unclebruce

    LOL! and the winner so far is Ballistic (who's noted by his invisible presence

    mm maybe I should find some more/easier pics?

  • Sad emo
    Sad emo

    Well I was going to put a caption with reference to the sheep 'standing' at the table but I might get moderated!!

  • Dr Jekyll
    Dr Jekyll

    Kiwi Strip Poker "Ok I won that one, now you have to take off your Turban"

  • unclebruce

    It's OK Emo this thread is being moderated by my friend the witchdoctor. He's trained in the New Guinea bible so talk about buggering up alpela sheep bilong Jesus is second nature to him. He's "f*ck im up truth long bigtime".

  • Sad emo
    Sad emo

    ok, 1st try (with modified language!)!

    "Geeez how many more times do I have to tell ya - QUIT HUMPIN' THE FURNITURE, IT RUINS THE UPHOLTSTERY!!"

  • Sad emo
    Sad emo

    WT propaganda drive:

    See how the false shepherds of Christendom turn to drunkenness and gambling and neglect to feed the sheep at the proper time so they are left to wander.

  • Sad emo
    Sad emo

    The lamb at front left:

    "Hi mum"

  • Scully

    Sheep to Shepherd: OK, if you lose this hand, we get to shear YOU. You baaaaastard.

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