Letting go...a letter to my brother

by Brigid 29 Replies latest jw experiences

  • Double Edge
    Double Edge


    That was a well written letter. I've never been a dub, just a plain old human being on the road of life searching for more 'light', so here's my 2 cents.....

    I have come to a crossroads in my personal path (selfish? yes) where I must choose between fear and freedom. I choose freedom, but as Daystar points out, it often comes at a cost. I am truly sorry for my brother and mother, but they have chosen their path, I have chosen mine.

    Your choice seems to be a little reactive (negative) instead of active (positive). To choose freedom over fear shouldn't mean to let go of people most precious to you. That's the WTBS game, why play it, why react to them? There are those on this board who seem to have their cake and eat it too. Let go of fear, and be free, but on YOUR terms, which includes associating with whom you choose. If your realitives live a distance from you, that's to your benefit. Become a so-called 'spiritually weak' JW, inactive for reasons that are 'personal'... that's only playing them at their game and then totally FORGET about them (WTBS), don't give them ANY power, because in reality they are so insignificant. You accept your mom and brother for who they are, then let them accept you for who they will think you are - just inactive. You should not be the one to initate the disfellowshipping from those you love. Let sleeping dogs lie.... if something comes up down the road, confront it then. But as for now and in the near (or distant) future, let go of fear, be free, but hold on to family as long as you can....which, unless you overturn the apple cart could in reality last a lifetime.

    Double Edge.

  • garybuss

    I wouldn't write any letters at all to Witness relatives. I see my job as keeping rapport so I can be a help to them if they need it. The sacrifice I'm willing to make is not writing the letter. I will stay away from Witnesses who have disrespected me or my family and I have asked Witnesses not to see themselves as welcome in my home after they disrespected me. That's building fences.

    Everybody's different. It's one thing to build a fence and it's another thing to retaliate. I support building fences and I discourage retaliation. I haven't had to write any letters to build a fence. I just do that by telephone.

    I'm aware of therapists who encourage patients to write a letter to an abuser, and if writing the letter didn't bring relief, I've heard of therapists who advise to mail the letter. That's bridge burning and I think there's a right time to do that. I don't ever want to do that to somebody I'd ever want a relationship with again. I may write a holding the door open letter to make amends as long as it didn't have any apologies in it. I really don't like letters. I'm too good in person.

    I've been shunned and snubbed by Witnesses for so long, I've gotten used to it. For the most part, I appreciate it. We are much better off with people who would shun and snub us completely out of our lives. Witness strategy is to divide and conquer. That's why it's so important to keep them away from family.

    I mourn the loss of most Witness people in my life one day every 20 years and if that's the day to rotate my car tires, I wait another 20 years.

    I do wish Witness people hadn't taught my sick son to hate me and my family. That's made his life MUCH harder. The Witness people have mostly abandoned him and he lives on welfare and shuns us. I am keeping account of that crime and I'm running a tab against the Witnesses who supported that situation. If I ever get a chance, I'm going for pay back on that one.

  • Kaethra

    Double Edge - "Let sleeping dogs lie.... if something comes up down the road, confront it then. But as for now and in the near (or distant) future, let go of fear, be free, but hold on to family as long as you can....which, unless you overturn the apple cart could in reality last a lifetime." You kinda nailed it on the head as to why Brigid is doing this, I think. "if something comes up down the road..." Here's another metaphor - Brigid doesn't want to wait for the other shoe to drop. There is no freedom in that. garybuss - "I really don't like letters. I'm too good in person." That coming from you made me laugh! You must be beyond amazing in person, since your posts are always so delightful and wise.

  • collegegirl21

    ((((Brigid)))) Its an amazing letter. Hopefully he will see the light. Good luck to you!

  • Gretchen956

    ((((((Brigid))))))))) I totally "get" where you are coming from. Freedom to me (also) is being open, honest and truthful, authentic to myself. It doesn't change your love for your family, what they choose to do after that letter is not yours, but theirs. That was a very loving, beautifully written letter. Yes it is sad that they have to receive it, sadder still that there is such a religion forces it. I know you do this after a lot of soul searching, I support you and if you ever need to talk during the difficult times you know where to find me.



  • outoftheorg

    I love my brother and two sisters. When I found that one of my sisters husband had molested my daughter and attempted to molest my other daughter.

    I raised hell with the elders and their lack of action and was df'd for fits of rage. Yeah you read it right.

    When It became clear that my brother and other sister made it clear that they would not come to see me or speak to me, I felt terrible.

    Rejected and treated badly for no real reason. But the molester elder they were willing to speak to.

    To stop my grief and sadness caused by my siblings I told them that they were never to contact me in any way for any reason, unless they would apologize for their actions and ASK me to accept them.

    My grief and sadness left me. To this day 13 yrs. later my brother has never spoken to me and both of my sisters are now deceased.

    The bastard molester still lives and finally a couple of years ago he was df'd. For the crime he comitted 13 yrs, ago and some more recent ones.

    We all approach this issue differently for different reasons.

    Feel free to use the approach you favor.


  • unclebruce


  • Gretchen956

    You're looking pretty spiffy in that tux Uncle


  • unclebruce

    I'm at your service Sherry

    Here to serve the little people, unclebruce

  • deeskis


    thinking of you.


Share this