What are the shunning policies regarding children?

by hubert 12 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

  • hubert

    I guess "twinkletoes" and I are on the same wave length. I just came up with these thoughts.....

    If a baptized mother or father D'A themselves, what effect does that have on their unbaptized children? Are they automatically shunned?

    By whom?

    Other family members who are j.w.'s? ..... or all j.w.'s?

    Can anyone make up a chart showing in what cases unbaptised children would be shunned?

    If grandparents DA'd themselves, would they still be able to see their grandchildren, even though the grandchildren aren't baptized?


  • Fleur

    I can only speak from my own experience... I wrote a DA letter which was ignored and I was df'd (that's what I get for being related to the PO at the time) and my child has been dropped like a rock by my JW family; that is, the family that are 'zealous'.

    She has grieved losing them like a death. Now as she gets older, she realizes how dysfunctional the whole JW system is, and she wants nothing to do with it. I hope that sticks.

    A few members of the family still see her (and me) but they do so in fear. It's sick. Children have nothing to do with any of this nonsense.

    My JW sister (elders wife) finally cut her out completely (was her closest aunt) after I forbid her from just dropping by the house and picking up my kid and taking her out, but not seeing me! I told her I didn't know what planet she was from, but that I was not a way station for her to pick up my child and take her off to brainwas...er...instruct her in the loving ways of Jehovah. So she decided not to see the child at all.

    She's missed years now that she can't ever get back...and shattered the trust a child had in her. That cannot be regained.

    I pity my sister. But I know my child is better off without that influence.


  • undercover

    Good question...but I don't have the answer.

    I remember one time a sister with an unbelieving mate who got DFd. She had two school age children. The DFd sister was treated like shit by the elders while the brother who she had the affair with, though DFd, was encouraged by the elders and his family helped by everyone in the congregation.

    The DFd sister had her husband leave her because of the affair, making her a "widow" basically. She had to take a job that sometimes interfered with meetings. She asked the elders if someone in the congregation could pick her kids up for the meetings and then bring them home. She wanted her kids to continue to have a Bible study with someone at the hall. Several kindhearted people offered to study with them, pick them up for meetings, include them in family activities with their families.. The elders refused to help and they warned anyone who dared to help that they would end up in a JC meeting.

    The DFd sister was completely on her on, with absolutely no help from the congregation. She eventually drifted away from the meetings, never to be seen again. I've not seen her since, nor ever known what happened to her kids, who will be grown by now. Hopefully the kids recovered and went on to live somewhat normal lives away from cultish influence.

  • jwfacts

    An unbaptised person can not be officially shunned.
    They are one of the world and treated as such. In reality, they may be considered bad association and shunned anyway.
    However the policy strictly is that a d/f parent or grandparent can associate freely with an unbaptised person.
    If the child is baptised then any relative not living in the house should have no association except for vital family matters.
    If the child is baptised and living at home as a minor, contact must be of a non spiritual nature. If the d/f parent wants to talk about spiritual things the minor must attempt not to listen.
    See http://jwfacts.com/index_files/disfellowship.htm

  • alamb

    I live 2 blocks from the KH in town. My children (baptized and un-baptized) attend meetings there and have the 5 years since I left. Anyway, they are NEVER invited to get-togethers and rarely called on to comment at this hall. They speak of this hall and how they hate it because they are treated so coldly. It's working for me.

  • Dune

    That same situation started happening to me when my adoptive mother started missing every other sunday and thursday to work...

  • IronClaw

    In my case its kind of a reverse shunning. My youngest daughter told me that her friends mom and dad don't want their daughter to come over my house because I might be a bad influence on her.

    Im just a bad bad Apostate ya know. Yeah she might actually learn some truth.

  • Gretchen956

    I didn't DF or DA, but after I stopped going they dropped my son like a hot potatoe. He was shunned so quick it made his head spin. He hates the witnesses.


  • hubert
    My children (baptized and un-baptized) attend meetings there and have the 5 years since I left. Anyway, they are NEVER invited to get-togethers and rarely called on to comment at this hall. They speak of this hall and how they hate it because they are treated so coldly.

    Alamb, so I assume the father takes them to the hall?

    jwfacts, thanks for the general rules.

    I get the picture from all these replies that whatever the j.w.'s want to do as far as shunning goes, they just do it, even if there aren't any doctrine to support the shunning.

    That's really sad, and the j.w.'s treat these kids so mean, too. What jerks ! No love at all.


  • blondie

    *** w83 1/1 p. 31 Questions From Readers ***

    Another sort of loss may be felt by loyal Christian grandparents whose children have been disfellowshipped. They may have been accustomed to visiting regularly with their children, giving them occasion to enjoy their grandchildren. Now the parents are disfellowshipped because of rejecting Jehovah’s standards and ways. So things are not the same in the family. Of course, the grandparents have to determine if some necessary family matters require limited contact with the disfellowshipped children. And they might sometimes have the grandchildren visit them. How sad, though, that by their unchristian course the children interfere with the normal pleasure that such grandparents enjoyed!

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