Why did the JW's Shun my mother at her funeral? (page 3)

garybuss

Sorry for your loss Dave. I can't think what part of having a Witness relative is easy. It's all hard. Coffee said it. Witnesses see a funeral as "taking advantage of an opportunity". Witnesses are often attending a funeral, not for the deceased, but for the opportunity. Your family didn't give them any reason to show up.

Here Witnesses don't have wakes. They don't even usually have funerals. They have a special meeting separate from the burial or cremation called a memorial service. Not to be confused with the once a year memorial service they have instead of Easter.

Witnesses are VERY superstitious and they often see any arrangements made by another religious group as interfaith. Plus Witnesses that I know hate Catholic people and they will actually avoid arrangements made by the Catholic people.

Mary

Dave, I will assume that none of the Witnesses came because you had the wake in a Catholic Church. To a Witness, that's a real no-no, and even those Witnesses who may want to have attended, they would have been given a "talking" to before hand not to show up, because it would mean stepping foot inside the Catholic Church. Pretty pathetic, but that's what the religion does.

G ill, I'm not quite sure why no one from the Hall showed up when your elderly JW relative died. It's not like they condemn cremation or anything. That one's got me stumped!

DaveNwisconsin

Hello again, we had a showing at the funeral home on the first day, that was a Monday. The visitation went from 4pm to 8pm with a prayer service at 7pm. That would have given the JW's three hours to pay respects with no service going on. They should have shown there respects.

I did have one lady write to me and say that if I wanted the witnesses there I should not have planned anything other than having some people from the Hall do a "memorial". That makes sense but no matter what kind of service she had the next day they still could have came to the funeral the night before. I go to visitations for many different faiths, not just my faith.

AuntieJane

Hi Dave, I am sorry for your loss; my own mother will be 90 this year. I know it will be hard when she passes, although it is a good many years.

Read my profile. I was not a JW but my brother had 2 adult children who chose to be JW's. At his Catholic funeral (he died suddenly at 63 yoa); they and their kids, my brother's precious grandkids, stood at the entrance of the church, did not come into the sanctuary and join with the rest of the family. It was so obvious and hurtful.

I didn't say anything to them at the time, because my sister in law was grieving and has done very well at keeping their relationship and accepting their so-called faith. But I learned a lot on this board about their beliefs, and begain emailling my nephew w. questions. I finally got up the nerve to ask him why they did that, and let him know that I was hurt by their actions. He seemed surprised...and answered in typical JW rhetoric, about hoping his dad is at the resurrection. It was obvious that there were many faiths present at his father's funeral, people who cared about him and the family enough that came together to show their love. I wished I hadn't waited so long. I will not hesitate to question any JW who might do such a hurtful thing if anything like this happens again. I think you should question them. You might simply ask why, tell them you missed having them be there for your mom's memory...Then, whatever they reply, let them know that you are aware that their JW teachings probably prevented them from attending. They need to know that We know...they think all their reasons are the best....then remind them that Jesus told us, in Matthew, " Where 2 or more gather in my name, I am there in their midst." It's too bad they just don't get it. Sad. And they call themselves Christians. You don't follow Christ and not live the gospel, esp. at times like funerals, etc.

curlygirl

I'm so sorry about your mom. Whether it's expected or sudden, it's painful regardless.

I think that you absolutely should ask those questions of your mothers so-called friends.

Most JWs aren't even aware that their behaviors are considered bizarre and unfeeling. I still have alot of family 'in' and I use every opportunity to bring those things to their attention. Sadly, I don't think that any of what I say will make any sense to them until they experience that same lack of humanity from their alleged family(JWs).

If you do speak to them, emphasize how UNLOVING their actions seem. Isn't that what we are constantly told as JWs? That the identifying mark of the true religion is love amongst ourselves?

Hugs to you!

Curlygirl

FlyingHighNow

How very sad. Some JW's came to my mother's funeral. She wasn't a JW and we relatives each spoke about her. I suppose very few would come to a funeral for me. I just don't have many friends and my family are all so estranged. I would have come to your mamma'a wake and funeral, even when I was a jw. Godspeed to your mother to her peace.

Gill

Mary - We don't know why, either. It was just decided by her daughter that 'she wouldn't have wanted a fuss.'

However, the vicar said that he knew JWs had some 'different views' to other religions, but was surprised that it went so far as to not attend funerals. At the time we were stumped by what he said. This relative had paid richly into new KH buildings, had actually paid to build one in her former city, had been a regular attender until she became ill etc.

Not one JW visited her when she was in an Care Home. Then they didn't turn up for the funeral either. She had been a JW for over 90 years.

Then, a few months later, her daughter arranged a memorial service. Relatives and a couple of elderly JW ladies attended. It was a sad reflection on a life wasted in JW land.

Forscher

Sorry for your loss Dave.
Mary already noted it, but I think the key is in your statement:
We thought about having a private funeral so as to not deal with the witnesses but chose to have a wake service one day, then the next day a funeral at my Catholic church.
JW's can get into big trouble if they show up at a church for just about any reason. Being at the Catholic service would be considered by many Bodies of Elders as participation in false religious rites, a shunning offense. It all depends on the attitude of the local Body of Elders.
Forscher

sweet tee

First of all ... I am so very, very sorry for your loss ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((( DAVE ))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Funerals were the real beginning of the end for me ... first my father's, in a church, I went. Second my maternal Grandmother, same church, I went again. This was like a mini-rebellion on my part. Beforehand I would ask the elders or research any decision I was unsure of but when it came to my loved ones whom I had estranged by being a witness - I refused to disrespect them any longer in favor or a bunch of fake brothers and sisters. And I would DARE anyone to say anything negative to me about going to Daddy's funeral!!!!! Or my Grandmothers!!!!!! Regardless of whether one believes in an afterlife or not, attending the funeral shows love and respect for the deceased and gives much needed loving support for the surviving family and friends. It's really a beautiful way to show how much someone means to you to be there. But dubs don't live in the real world dear, they don't understand.

sweet tee

AK - Jeff

This may have been covered - I did not have a chance to read the whole thread.

Jw's consider wakes to be unscriptural - and a funeral in a church is out too. This may be the reason they did not show. They possibly viewed that 'worldly relatives', including you, hijacked the funeral. Hence the no show.

My mother died a year and a half back - believing with all her heart that the witnesses were right. I had left the religion [and she was inactive for years, but was not disfellowshipped at the time of her death]. In order to show me punishment, the entire witness community refused to even show at the funeral home [ two witnesses did come at my request, but all others boycotted]. In spite of the fact, that until a few months before Mom died I was a dyed-in-the-wool witness, and that most of them had no reason to believe that I was rejecting the faith, just was not there at the meetings. I got zero cards, zero calls, zero flowers, from all these 'friends' that I had for 4 decades as a witness.

Besides all the rest - witnesses love to use cruelty to prove a point - they have been taught well by the GB.

Jeff

Why did the JW's Shun my mother at her funeral?

Share this