Why did the JW's Shun my mother at her funeral?

by DaveNwisconsin 30 Replies latest jw experiences

  • DaveNwisconsin

    My Mom had died on December 9, 2005. She had been loyal to that religion for 35 years. She had been in a nursing home for the last two years. Some of the old ladies would come and Mom would still write a letter to a "not at home" once and awhile. She was in good standing. The rest of my family, (three brothers and a sister), didn't want her burried in that faith. We had to put up with the Faith Talk at my fathers funeral back in 1995 and didn't want to hear theirk story of death. We thought about having a private funeral so as to not deal with the witnesses but chose to have a wake service one day, then the next day a funeral at my Catholic church. My priest was totally fine with the idea so we went ahead with it. Even though we were not 100% keen on the idea of seeing all her witness friends, we thought that they would come to the wake and not the funeral. Anyhow out of the hundreds of witness friends she had only one came. I even work with two witnesses who both knew her and didn't show. I want to ask one of them what happened but haven't gotten my nerves up to do it yet. So did they punished my Mother by not showing up? I think its very sad that they still couldn't show there respect during the average wake service. To me it speaks volumes about the people she knew, what are your thoughts? I could see they were upset with the family, but they never even honored her. Isn't that sad?

  • coffee_black

    To a jw the purpose of a funeral is not to honor the person who died. They look at it as an opportunity to "give a witness" to non jws. If they don't get to do this, then why bother attending a funeral or even a wake? They don't believe she is conscious in an afterlife...so they do not see it as punishing her. They are punishing you.

  • Gill

    Dave - They're a heartless people. We had a very elderly loyal JW relative die last year. Her JW family didn't bother to arrange a funeral. So, we contacted the crematorium and arranged that we could go and sit with her coffin while she went 'into the flames'.

    I was told by my mother, when I was very upset about the lack of arrangements, who by the way is also a JW, 'don't worry, you'll see, someone will come. There'll be someone very good who will come to the crematorium.'

    There was. There was us, the undertakers and the local Church of England Vicar came, who had know her. He said he hoped we didn't mind his coming, as he couldn't let her go on her last journey on her own, and had been told that No one was to attend by her daughter.

    Not ONE JW came. but someone Good did come, thank God.


    I'm so sorry for your loss and even more so that you had to endure this type of shunning. The WTS has most of it's members believing that you'll die at the big A if you even walk in a church, much less go to any type of service connected with it. If your faith won't stand up by attending a wedding or funeral in another church, you don't have very much faith...period. Apparently, most JW's have very little!


  • Gill

    Sorry for the loss of your Mother Dave.

    ((((((((((( DaveNwisconsin ))))))))))))

  • Golf

    Greetings and welcome.

    DNW, you said a mouth full, "To me it speaks volumes about the people she knew."

    Sorry to hear such stories. All the best.


  • DaveNwisconsin

    What surprises me is that the JW's that I work with still talk to me. Do you think I should ask them about all of this? They know I am not interested in becoming a JW. But my Mother was good to each and every one of them. I was ok with them not being there at first but now a few months have gone by and I am thinking that they screwed her memory. That burns me up!

  • luna2

    My condolences on the loss of your mother too, Dave.

    I think coffee's right. ...and if it's not actual punishment they were aiming for, its fear. They're afraid to do anything that doesn't have the WTS seal of approval on it. Pretty soon its gonna get so that if they aren't told when and how to take a piss, they'll hop around on one foot, waiting for direction, until they wet their pants. Good on the one JW that did come to your Mom's wake.

    Maybe instead of asking those dubs you work with why they didn't attend, just tell them straight up that the unloving, uncaring, and rude behavior that the local JWs demonstrated by completly ignoring your mother's passing has done nothing to improve your opinion of their so-called "loving" religion. Jerks!

  • DaveNwisconsin

    Luna I really liked your advice!

  • sammielee24

    Sorry for your loss Dave....I wouldn't hesitate to ask them why no one attended and I also wouldn't hesitate to let them know how I felt. The insensitivity that I've seen in how JW's interact or react with people does absolutely nothing to draw me 'closer' and most especially how they interact or choose to not interact with family. I always wonder why any JW has children if their first family must always be the society - their allegiance, love and committment is always reserved for the organization at the expense of their blood relations...sorry about that bit of rant...sammieswife.

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