by Calliope 28 Replies latest jw friends
Calliope,
Stand your ground. Don't do anything, if you are feeling that what they are forcing you to do is is destructive to you. They don't care about you, but about the "image" of the Cult.
You don't believe in JW, so the so called "ELDERS" have no right or any authority to shovel you around.
They can be very nasty and persistent. If you think that you marriage can be saved, try some other consultations, what both of you can agree upon.
But stand your groung !
if you are not ready emotionally to start the official journey out of the borg, then don't force it. what the others say about being true to yourself is good advice, of course. but it sounds like you are juggling a lot right now. if right now is not the time to shake things up with the elders, then just call them and BS your way out of it. go ahead and just tell them whatever they need to hear to leave you alone.
and then when you are good and ready, go ahead and drop the bomb. but do it on your terms and in your time.
best wishes,
ts
It's your life so your parents will have to accept sooner or later that you do not wish to be a JW, and if you explain it to them gradualy and well, they may not take it so badly.
The elders shouldn't be trusted they are just ordinary unqualified people that do not teally care and even if they did they are not trained to deal with complicated situations.
It sounds like you've got too much going on, and my heart goes out to you. I would suggest doing things at your pace and not to be forced into anything by these two sets of authority figures, ie the elders and your parents. Use the excuse of the break up to procrastinate, until you're more ready to make a decision.
I hope at some stage when you're ready, you'll leave the JWs. You can see from this board what they've done to good people and will continue doing. Don't be a part of this rotten network of hypocrites. I know it doesn't really come out like this in the JW world, but your parents must/should want your long term happiness. Be true to yourself and remember that one day your parents aren't going to be around. Live your own life in freedom and without guilt.
I too wouldn't bother speaking to the elders. However, if they come after you, you can tell them what you wrote before, you are separated and have grounds for divorce. If they want to know why you dont go to meetings at least you have a good excuse. Too much stress etc from the separation, cant cope seeing all your old friends. They will want to encourage you to go to meetings, but at least you can get out of talking about what you really think for a while at least, until you are more sure about where you stand.
just woke up to good advice.
thanks again everyone. i really appreciate your understanding where i am at...
i'll let you know how things go.
Calliopé
Maybe instead of a phone call, send a letter to the elders. You can tell them the basis for your scriptural seperation and that although you know they may want to encourage you scripturally, that you are studying the bible on your own, praying to God and would like to be left alone to deal with things for a while. If they decide to call you after receipt of the letter, you can screen the calls and hide if they come to your door. That way you can honestly tell your parents that you contacted the elders and at the same time avoid having to let the elders in on your doubts about the organization.
Maybe instead of a phone call, send a letter to the elders. You can tell them the basis for your scriptural seperation and that although you know they may want to encourage you scripturally, that you are studying the bible on your own, praying to God and would like to be left alone to deal with things for a while. If they decide to call you after receipt of the letter, you can screen the calls and hide if they come to your door. That way you can honestly tell your parents that you contacted the elders and at the same time avoid having to let the elders in on your doubts about the organization.
Quotes comment is really good. In almost any of these sort of circumstances, remember, you can always claim
depression - it works!
metatron
should i just call up some elder and simply state "just wanted to advise you that my husband and i have seperated. i have grounds for legal and scriptural divorce. thanks and have a good day."
This was somthing had to do to calm them down. I typed up a letter so that they could put it in my "file". I hated doing that. But needed it done, one last thing for the collective I had to do. To me it did'nt matter to me, they failed me, the collective failed me. They've never saw me since then.
jojochan.
