Guilty conscience

by lazuli 31 Replies latest jw friends

  • lazuli

    My ex-bf is a baptized JW, I've been studying for about ten months already and I'm about to start in the school. When we were together, we were very intimate, there was never any penetration, but there was pretty much everythings besides that. Not that its anyone's business but this included oral sex and such. Our intimacy was practically daily and started about 4 months into the relationship until the very end. So a total of about 1 year and 7 months of constant intimace. Anyway, during my study the other, we came upon the subject of fornication and premarital sex and such. The head elder was the one giving me study (his wife usually does it and she was there too). He told me that any sort of sexual act counts as premarital relations, even if there is con penetration. Well this brings about a problem, I knew that it wasn't right what we were doing, however, we both went along with it. The elder was explaining to me that usually studies are told about this but if they have done it in the past there's nothing much to do, as long as once they devote themselves to Jehovah they abstain from it, so that's no problem for me. However, he also said that anyone who knew of a baptized JW that had participated in such things had to confess it, and that that JW would possibly even be excommunicated...which puts me in a predicament. Of course, I didn't say anything, but now I have a guily conscience. I can't shake off the feeling that if I do say something to the elders it will be as a form of getting back at my ex, but its not at all like that. We have been broken up for almost 6 months now and he has a new gf, so this would be digging up really old things, but I feel with the obligation to confess, the only way would be to talk directly to my ex, but i really don't want to. We go to the same congregation but we don't speak, and I know that if I do say something he will be reprimanded severely and maybe excommunicated, especially for hiding it, and of course he'll hate me because he'll think I did it out of spite. Can someone help me out???

  • cyd0099

    This is a really screwed up situation. I realize the need to purge the weight on your soul, but the elders™ have you trapped in a damned-if-you, damned-if-you-don't mindset.

    Think about it down the road, if you're an informant now, about what happened in the past, before you got really serious about this religion, you will be expected to continue to rat out your brothers™ and sisters™. How does that build trusting relationships? Is that the life you want for yourself?

  • blinkerdt

    don't worry.. jehovah is always forgiving. many many many people in the bible have been in far far worse situations involving murder n stuff. u should never be scared to confess to god.. he knows anyway, it's more about confronting it yourself. where you go from there on with your religion is up to you. if it is still the right path for you then this should not stop you. as for the guy's comment above me.. it seriously frightens me that u talk like that unless you're like 13. how can u possibly compair it to 'ratting out' ? if someone believes in JW's then it is their belief that it is a very serious sin..therefore confession makes lives much easier and could save it. whether you disagree with the fact that jehovah allows sex before marriage or not is up to you. basically i think it's quite clear in the bible. ratting out? it's a religion not the Mob. jesus christ...... you are weird :/

  • Nina

    If you are not yet an "Unbaptized Publisher" then you are not in a reporting relationship with the elders. They would have no right to ask, you would have no obligation to tell.

    he also said that anyone who knew of a baptized JW that had participated in such things had to confess it, and that that JW would possibly even be excommunicated

    This is an unusual statement. From my perspective it looks like the elder (using his wife as the "second witness") is out to get your ex-bf. Unless you come across the same information in print in a WT publication, why not take his statement as his personal opinion and let it go? Best wishes,


  • SPAZnik

    According to JW rules, "two witnesses" to a "sin" are required to disfellowship someone. So unless he admits it himself (unlikely if he's seeing another witness and wants to keep seeing her) it'll just be your word against his.

    I'm not quite clear on what you feel "guilty" about exactly.

    It saddens me to see you second guessing yourself and your inborn natural instincts already and you're not even a JW yet. Imagine how out of touch with your own gawd-given instincts and how insecure you will be about listening to your natural inborn sense of good and bad / right and wrong once you've been hanging out with JW's for a few years.

    I think the real question is, Do you want to be part of a religion that clearly aims to make it their Business to police peoples lives to this level, including their intimate relationships? Really, doesn't nature do that already?

    Many people have regretted letting the JW elders into their bedrooms.

    I think you said it best when you said "it's nobody's business really".

  • LittleToe

    And you're still studying???

    • You haven't discerned that this level of control over people's lives is unhealthy?
    • You said yourself that it was noone's business. Do you really agree that the JWs should have a "confessional" arrangement, especially after all they've said about the Roman Catholic Church with their priest-confessors?
    • Do you really agree with their excommunication policy for a little oral sex?

    Please tell me you aren't walking into lamp-posts with blinkers on your eyes?

  • jwfacts

    Confession is a great control mechanism, are you sure you want to be in a manipulative situation with a high control organisation rather then build a relationship with Jesus? As a JW, Jesus is not your mediator, are you sure you want to hand that role over to a bunch of old men?
    If you want to devote your life to manipulation then of course you must confess, they are the rules. Of course you should feel guilty and tell 3 elders in a judicial comittee every intimate detail of your sexual behaviour, that is the rules the WTS has created for you. I can't recall that ever being called for in the bible, but that is not the point, the point is you are about to devote yourself to man run organisation, and it would be dishonest to say you have devoted your life to them and not follow the rules.

  • LittleToe
    Of course you should feel guilty and tell 3 elders in a judicial comittee every intimate detail of your sexual behaviour, that is the rules the WTS has created for you.

    And boy do some get off on it. Bl**dy perverts!!!

  • greendawn

    They should set their own house straight before they can go on and judge others, I mean the hierarchy of the JWs especially the senior members. You shouldn't give them the pleasure to judge your life.

  • carla

    Have you really researched this society? You really need to look into this from both sides. If they discourage you from looking into it's history, what would that say to you? Do they allow you to question it's teachings? It's practices? Is any of it really biblical? Maybe you should also seek the opinion of a minister just to get another view point. Also check out Freeminds for what the society really teaches. Are you aware of the pedophile problem within the society? See Silentlambs. This is a very dangerous organization. Please do some further research into it.

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