Just want to thank everyone for responding so positively to my first post (A Long Rant...and a new Beginning). Thought I'd share a little of mys story...well maybe alot of my story!
I'm a third generation witness. However my Father, Grandparents and Aunts all decided around 20 years ago to leave the organization, either DF'ed or Dissassociated. So my mother decides to stay and raise 5 children on her own "in the truth", which means never speaking to my Dad or his side of the family. I grew up thinking I had chose the better portion, even giving assembly parts on how I was such a successful Christain youth despite my apostate father. I was the perfect witness child, and young adult, and I honestly did with all of my heart love "the truth" and tried my best. In time however, I think due to a depressive personality, I became very tired of the "ups and downs" being a witness. The desire to do good according to the organizatin, but the frustration that results from being human and having a free mind. So I began to have doubts. (The elders actually described me as a "man divided", which is how I got my alias...and it was fitting) I couldn't reconcile in my mind whether I was elder Joe, or apostate Joe, and the inner turmoil at not knowing who you are was tearing me apart. The final straw in my faith being broken was an issue involving blood and shunning. I studied with someone I went to High School with and both he and his wife came in to the organization. Right near her 21st birthday she finds out two things: 1. She's pregnant and 2. She has leukemia. When she was diagnosed I spent weeks at a time by their sides helping them through this, despite her non-witness family's repeated threats to my life for brainwashing their family for not taking blood. Long story short...she eventually took blood and both she and her husband Dissassociated themselves. After I found that out, I never spoke another word to either of them...and she eventually died...died thinking I abondonded her. And I did. I was never able to reconcile that with my faith, and I still feel tremendous guilt until this day. So after that, I slowly drifted away until I got involved in some things that brought me before a judicial commitee, and I was df'ed. That was six months ago....and honestly life has been hell since...but i do think it will get better..I hope. Anyway for the sake of time ( and everyone's attention span =) I'll post the crazy turns my life has took since being df'ed. Was I chewed up and spit out by being niave and too trusting? And not knowing you can't trust everyone?.....oh you bet....I have some stories!! I laugh right now....but I've been thru some rough seas lately...but I'm learning....slowly but surely. Well anyway thanks for listening, and you'll come to see I'm an open book, wear my heart on my sleeve and if i talk to much, shut me up.