by indoubt 34 Replies latest jw friends
The short answer is yes.
Here is the long one...
Witnesses take advantage of easily moulded minds, whether they mean to or not. Youths miss out on their childhood and may waste a long part of their life waiting for the 'end'. What happens when they are bitter or hurt for not having tried things in 50 years time, when they see the witnesses for what they are.
Do yourself and your family a favour!
If you DA yourself there will be pressure upon your wife and kids to distance themselves from you by the Elders. In fact they may start putting ideas in there mind that the best way to resolve the situation (AKA as "abuse") is to leave you. What you really need to do is get your kids into after school activities or find "other" kids for them to play with. The meetings are basically a support group for your children as they probably only have the witness kids as friends. Thus if you pull them away BEFORE setting up outside associates they will only see that as you being in the wrong. Get them involved in other activities that they enjoy and soon enough you will be able to ween them off the meetings, in fact they may not want to go anymore. I would also get closer to your wife (if you are not already) and show her that you love her (which I'm sure you do) because once you DA yourself or even fade in her eyes you will be scum and bird fodder (subtle hints provided by the local elders). Really the best thing to do is get yur family into something else they enjoy to occupy there time. Get closer and show them that you are not the "evil" person the WTS will paint you out to be.
This is what my husband did.
He never opposed to me directly but he made it clear that he did not want the kids to suffer the trauma of being "different" in school, I can take them to meetings only if they were not forced to go, He would cook for them (or go out ) on Saturday mornings so kids always look forward to that day and I will go to field service by myself. He would plan to go out every other weekend.
Also tell your wife that the one who is dedicated is the adult not the kids, so if they haven't made that choice we shouldn't do it for them.
Enroll them in sports. That will keep them busy.
Assure her that if the elders question her about the kids activities she wont be in trouble because you are the head of the house and you are the ultimate responsible. And if the elders want to know anything send them to talk to you.
By the way, my kids are 18 and 16, never baptized
They stop attending to the meetings about 3 years ago / they were never publishers
And thinking back, I guess, deep inside of me I wanted the same for my kids because I never opposed to anything and I always supported them on their academic and sport activities.
I am also fading, my husband is very active, and I have 2 kids. Mine are teenagers, though, but I have chosen NOT to DA myself for several reasons.
My number one priority right now is making sure that my kids never become JWs. You've heard the expression, 'Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer.'.... I find that the better informed I can stay on what's happening at their meetings, who they are friends with and who they are rubbing shoulders with at the meetings, the better equipped I can be to keep them on the path OUT of the WT.
If I were DF'd or DA'd, I would be severely limiting my own freedom to interact with the people who are influencing my children. I plan on using every trick in the book to keep my kids out, and limiting my freedom is not in their best interests right now.
Knowledge is power. When your kids ask you questions, by all means, answer them! Let them know, (taking into account their ages and their ability to understand, of course) why you are doing what you are doing. If you have real, honest answers for their questions, the WT way of thinking will slowly make less and less sense to them. Make sure they know that you love them, unconditionally, no matter what they say or do or believe, and that they can ask you anything without reprocussions. Don't just tell them once.... they need to hear it over and over again.
Good luck to you.
GGG
I was reluctant to post on this because I don't have kids. It's too easy for outsiders to say what you should or shouldn't do even when they don't know what its like to go through what you're going through.
But this comment from GGG stood out to me as very insightful to the situation:
If I were DF'd or DA'd, I would be severely limiting my own freedom to interact with the people who are influencing my children. I plan on using every trick in the book to keep my kids out, and limiting my freedom is not in their best interests right now.
That sounds like good advice. If you DA yourself, the congregation may take steps to alienate your children from you. If you want to help them in the long run, it may mean some sacrifices on your part now but can pay dividends when your kids grow up to be normal, adjusted people.
You'll be proud of them as they head off to college with a well-balanced view of the world.
All great advice. Please remember that, as has been said, your wife may not "preach" to them but they are told at the meetings if you are not a JW and attending mtgs. you are Satans. They hear that and simmilar statements 5 times a week. I had a elder tell my kids that they shouldn't spend/waste much time with me since Jehovah is going to kill me for leaving the org. My kids ask a lot of questions and I answer them honestly. They go to meetings but only to keep peace, they see the hatred this religion teaches and they don't like it. But it is still scary to think about what they are being told.
Peace, love to all
As someone who DAed, for completely different reasons, I would suggest you don't DA! The chances are that your plans will only backfire.
Use the fact that you have contact with them to have a family study, and educate them that way. Amazing1914 has some good tips on how you might handle this.
I would put this all in bold and repeat it ten times, if it would get the point across. I really can't emphasise this advice enough!
I agree with most of the comments here, and I do have a bunch of kids. You need to lose the dub thinking that's infected you to the point that you feel your only option is to act by their rules and write them a letter asking them to please remove you from their list of publishers.
Start thinking about the big picture. Your kids are young and they look to their parents to plan their future. What are you doing to set goals for them? You can bet the folks at the KH are setting goals for them: Baptism, Pioneer, Bethel, Good Publisher, Marry Only in the Lord, etc. Starting now, it should be your aim to set practical goals for your kids. These should include after-school activities that allow them to meet all kinds of diverse people and interact with them. This should also include team sports activities so they learn to play with others. And it's not too early to start talking about what they plan to study in college and what they want to be (professionally) when they grow up.
Take the high road and expand their horizons. The dub world-view being imposed on them now is of a very small world.
When I was a 16 my two parents were DF'ed and my brother and my sisters left too.
As someone who DAed, for completely different reasons, I would suggest you don't DA! The chances are that your plans will only backfire.Use the fact that you have contact with them to have a family study, and educate them that way. Amazing1914 has some good tips on how you might handle this.
I would put this all in bold and repeat it ten times, if it would get the point across. I really can't emphasise this advice enough! LT
I DA'd only after the ex and I split and she wasn't letting me see the kids because of my apostate leanings. If I had to do it over I NEVER would have voiced my doubts about the WT, the Governing Body or the lack of love. Instead I would have educated my children from God's Word instead of letting her have full control of what was being put into their impressionable minds by the diabolical Watchtower Society.
