Will DA'ing myself be better for my children's future?

by indoubt 34 Replies latest jw friends

  • indoubt


    I have been fading away, and considered fully "inactive" for over 2 years now. My wife is still a very active JW, and she brings my 2 children (5 & 3) to the meetings and service on a regular basis.

    I do not want to force the kids to stay home, as I believe this would be as wrong as JWs forcing their kids to come to meetings. Instead, my wife and I have an agreement that she won't preach (i.e. study) with them. Currently the kids like to go to meetings mostly because there are a lot of kids of their age there.


    I originally did not want to DA myself because I wanted to keep some kind of relationship with my family and friends in the JWs. But I realize that my JW friends, and even some of my own family are gradually shunning/marking me (even though I have not shared my feelings about the Borg to any of them).

    At the same time, my children - especially my oldest - are wondering why I don't go to meetings. I simply tell them that I don't like to go because I do not share the same beliefs. My fear is that the kids will see me as an undecided person, when I am really dead set on never being a JW again.

    So I thought about this possible scenario: what if I DA myself? I believe 2 good things would come out of this: (1) My children will clearly see my position vis-a-vis the JW religion, and (2) as they will grow older, they will also hopefully notice that something is really wrong with a religion that forbids my parents, sister, in-laws to have a relationship with me just because we do not share the same beliefs.

    What do you guys think? Can anyone in the same situation relate their experience and suggestions?

    Thanks in advance,


  • Emma

    A negative I see is that if your kids continue to go to the KH and "make a stand" eventually, they will shun you and you'll have little influence over them. It's a delecate balance.


  • Rook

    Get your Kids out ASAP. They don't deserve to suffer and be unhappy.

  • jt stumbler
    jt stumbler

    I empathize with your predicament. Putting myself in your shoes, I would feel that no matter what I did I would be the heavy. In doing my best to keep the family together, I would support my wife in her beliefs and answer any questions the kids will have honestly and openly.

  • GetBusyLiving

    It's gonna be rough for you to DA since as soon as you do the kids will get the shit love-bombed out of them by cultists. If you could let them know exactly why you are leaving pre-DA you might get them thinking. I personally would say that DA'ing is definitely better in the long run.


  • Legolas

    My 2 cents

    Since the kids are only 3 and 5 you have to set the rules.(Meaning it should not matter if they like going or not)

    I would NOT allow them to attend the meetings.

  • Dune

    This might sound harsh. But you should probably let it go for a couple of years and when they are about 10/11 ish (ripe baptism age) you should then DA yourself, this will confuse the hell out of them, but if you explain why you're leaving they'll be more inclined to listen to you.

    OR you could just do it now and act like a normal person, birthday parties, christmas, easter all that good stuff, they'll see the difference sooner or later.

    The thing to watch out for are studies and baptisms. If they can reach 14/15 without being baptized they are as almost good to leave.

  • carla

    Instead, my wife and I have an agreement that she won't preach (i.e. study) with them. Currently the kids like to go to meetings mostly because there are a lot of kids of their age there.----------------------------------------

    What kind of agreement is that? Maybe she isn't preaching to them but they sure are at the kh! Would she allow you to take them to a church? Now that would be a fair and equitable agreement. There are wonderful programs and Sunday school classes for kids where they do childrens activities, not made to sit like short adults.

    After reading here for awhile about all the people who have been sexually abused (see Silentlambs), mentally abused, spiritually abused and emotionally abused by the wt, why would you want them to keep going? How could they ever make any informed decision after they have already been under the influence of mind control for years? How could they when they aren't even allowed to look at the other side of things (apostate info) or even their own history?

    You are the head of the household in jw land, excersize your right. The well being of your children are at stake here. Tell them you want to explore the faiths of the world or different denominations, what ever, just get them out of the hell and expose them to some critical thinking! Start anti witnessing to them. If she should be allowed to influence them with the cult, you certainly should be allowed to have your opinions heard.

    As a parent your job is to protect your children. Not just their physical well being but emotional, spiritual and mental well being as well. No matter the cost to yourself.

    That's just my opinion, I'm fanatical about my kids welfare. Don't mess with them (heads or body) or you will deal with me, is my philosophy. Learned that from a mother bear somewhere. I would take a speeding bullet if it meant saving my kids life. Keeping them out of a kh is like taking that bullet.

  • mouthy

    My Opinon > Do not D/A yourself. They can speak to you as long as you dont/ They will still think there is hope of you going back. But if you D/A your going to lose them all... I miss mine so much.... Wish I had known what you know before I made my thought public...( to elders) I was D/F because I told them I dont believeJesus came invisably in 1914.... So I lost my loved ones. Hang on to yours .....

    Grace /Granny/ Mouthy(http://exwitnessgrace.homestead..com/free.html )

  • jstalin

    I agree with Legolas. You shouldn't let them go because it puts them in a situation where they will be brainwashed. In my opinion, it's like letting them be in danger. At their age, they cannot critically analyze what's going on, you need to provide that protection for them.

    Besides, if you DA, aren't your wife and kids going to be under pressure to treat your differently?

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