Did I do wrong on skeeping the "fading" stage?

by flag 18 Replies latest jw experiences

  • jwfacts

    When you learn it is all wrong there is this burning desire to tell everyone. You have to decide whether it is worth it or not.
    It will make you feel much better to tell your best friend that you know too much about the WTS for there to ever be the slightest chance of coming back. However there is a good chance she will be very offended and cease all association with you and even dob you in. But whatever you do that is what is likely to happen, and if she is a good friend she may even want to know more (though highly unlikely).

  • flag

    I think I have a pretty good chance to still keep her as a friend because she has a family member who has been df and I had always been nice to that family member and to her, and she had always told me how much that ment to her.

  • JH

    Usually a person does the "fade" when they wish to remain a JW, maybe because of family.

    I did the "fade" and still am because I'm too "chicken" to pull the plug, or maybe because I still believe or hope in something from them.

    Some rather just throw it all away when they discover it's not what they imagined it to be at first.

    Most people don't want to be shunned so rather just fade slowly.

  • fullofdoubtnow

    I left quickly, after a period of severe doubts that I tried to ignore, and I am glad now that I severed the ties completely, having da'd about 3 months ago. No one from the kh bothers me now, so I can get on with the healing process unhindered.

    Having said that, I don't feel that there is any hard and fast "rule" when it comes to leaving the wts. Getting out quickly worked for me, and may well work for you, I hope so anyway, but I don't have any family in the wts, whereas many do.

    Whatever you do flag, I wish you well.

  • cyberdyne systems 101
    cyberdyne systems 101

    I left abruptly too, I knew I was unhappy and there were things I didnt agree with so I just stopped. I then called the book study overseer round to let him know (as the book study was at my house) and said there are things that I no longer agree with. I was left alone until they found a reason to hound me 8 months later! They invited me to a JD which I declined, and as far as i know I was DF.

  • flag

    I don't have any family members in just some far away relatives that I may see once a year. My husband hasn't been to any meetings for more than 7 years. My kids were raised under the premise that religion was something very personal and that I was teaching them what I thought was correct but they were never forced to go to meetings. They don't attend now mainly because school work keep them busy.

    After hearing all this comments I think I'm in the right track.

  • Smiles_Smiles

    Flag I did the same thing. The last meeting I went to I actually gave a talk. I was always one that was considered to be exemplar.

    And the rumors started flying about 2 weeks later. Then elders started calling. I dodge allot of calls becasue I didn't want to talk to them and at the time I was afraid of stubbling them. Not for the sake of man but for what I had been conditioned to believe was for god. Anyway, after a while people just started leaving me alone. I decided to briefly say something to the 2 family members that were still in (my mom and sister). And I decided to say something to just a couple of friends.

    But for everyone else that eventually just quit pursuing me.

    With time everything blos over.

  • sass_my_frass

    I was going to do a little survey on which would be the best way to leave, but in reality there's no way to do so that doesn't hurt. Several times I've wondered if I should have started earlier, been more or less abrupt... I could go on a lot about should-have-beens, but point is, I'm out now and happier than I ever thought I could be, and VERY glad that it happened, despite the pain it caused for a while.

  • TallTexan
    "you are smart and I know you will comeback"

    Tell her your are 'apostate' and you will go from being 'smart' to being incredibly dumb and simply 'unable to grasp the deeper things.'

    My friends always talked about how well-versed in the scriptures and JW doctrine I was. My cousin once made the comment "You don't go to meetings anymore and you still know more about the truth than most of us." (Just showing what I learned here...lol).

    However, when I began to share some of the things I was finding out with them, I suddenly, in their eyes, became unreasonable and stupid. I was hoping that they would think "well, he's always researched things well before, so maybe there's something to this." Didn't happen. Once you express doubts or disbelief you also lose your IQ in the JW's eyes.

    You are smart to stop. Don't ever start again.....

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