What made you lose your joy in serving Jehovah?

by JH 36 Replies latest jw friends

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  montana96

  I never felt like I could do enough to please Jehovah. I remember the last DA I went to and walking away feeling very depressed. It was do more service, dont miss meetings, more, more, more you never felt like you could do enough! So one becomes overwhelmed and exhausted.

  My mum said to me that the truth isnt a burden and its not hard so the only ones having trouble with these things are the ones who dont really want to do it anyway.But ive seen many sisters in my age group in tears with little children, husbands ms or elders just trying to keep up with it all and getting totally worn out. Where is the joy in serving God when you are just trying to keep up appearances

  Mercedes x
• 

  RodentBoy

  The lies that I was being told about evolution, believe it or not. I had always been a bit of a science buff, and as I learned more about biology, the more I realized that the Society's position was dead wrong, and worse, that they were deliberately being dishonest.
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  lostlantern

  Everything just became a burden, it was all work without reward. I felt like I couldn't keep up, thus not good enough.

  I started out as a regular pioneer, when I married I didn't fit into the new congregation. The regular pioneers had their clique and I didn't fit, I had to drop off of the list: lack of hours and needed to work fulltime.

  I hated seeing the competition in the hall between the young couples, competing for friends, priviledges, answering, who's husband has more responsibility, etc. I hated seeing how my husband would feel when they would take privilidges away for stupid reasons and then dangle them as carrots. He decided he didn't care anymore, no more games for him. I then hated myself for wishing he did care so that the sisters wouldn't look down on me. Such a viscious cycle. It was so "high-school" and I didn't care for high-school the first time.

  The last straw was seeing my brother disfellowshipped under circumstances where he should have recieved love from the shephards he trusted. When he was told that he was found repentant but still needed to be punished by disfellowhipping and serve his sentence something inside me died.
• 

  BlackSwan of Memphis

  It was a process. Little things that added up. I had a friend who was df'ed at one point in her life, went through a rough patch, and when she came out of it, reinstated but on the edge, I asked her what was up with the "truth" and she flat out said she didn't want to lose her family again. I remember thinking, that's not fair. A person should be worshipping God in this particular way, because they believe that it is the right way, not out of fear of losing their family.

  Then after I had my kids and dragged 'em to the stupid da in the summer. That Pontiac silverdome is hot and awful in the summer. All the guys walking around with the signs telling us mothers Sit Down. Ok, well, my 2 year old is tired and teething and you tell her to sit down. I felt bad for them. It was ridiculous. People walking in the circle of the silverdome, around and around. Seeing the same parents with their kids doing the same thing, seeing the same brothers get snarled at for doing their job. At one point I tried to sit on the lawn just outside the door under a small tree to see if I could get my daughter to nap, a brother came up and told me to get off.

  Then there were the mothers who beat the bleepity bleep out of their kids to sit still and be quiet.

  Trying to explain to my husbands family why I couldn't do Christmas, but my family could have a huge family gathering on Christmas.

  People trying to force me to take my kids out in service, when my older one was going through a phase of insecurity.

  I could probably think of more, but for now...

  meagan
• 

  Bumble Bee

  The last straw was seeing my brother disfellowshipped under circumstances where he should have recieved love from the shephards he trusted. When he was told that he was found repentant but still needed to be punished by disfellowhipping and serve his sentence something inside me died.

  lostlantern,

  I know how you feel, the same thing happened to my brother. He was the one that went to the elders, they had no idea what was happening within the cong. My brother was remorseful, wanted to clean up his act, but because he knew that the elders daughter was doing some of the same things my brother was, he was DF'd.

  There are so many points brought out by others on here that seem to strike a similar chord with me. It seems many of us have had the same feelings. Just too much was expected, it never seemed good enough.

  BB
• 

  KW13

  When i see backstabbing, people just hypocrites in this perfect religion, when i wanted to be an unbaptized publisher but got knocked back because people told lies to the elders, when i begged Jehovah for help so my stepdad would leave me alone and stop bullying and he never helped and i see how my mum is controlled so heavily, she's been ill on and off ever since her marriage yet its Jehovah that married them in the Kingdom Hall, a guy stole money from work yet was disfellowshipped instead and the police never were involved...the list is endless, its corrupt nonsense.

  I didn't lose my joy in serving him, i woke up and realised Jehovah of Jehovah's witnesses doesn't exist.
• 

  codeblue

  
  When I relocated.............the last time.

  I had already been serving JAH faithfully for 35 years.

  The elders on the "welcoming visit said: WE need to see your publisher cards.......YOU might be pedophiles."..

  Need I say more?

  Codeblue

  PS...It had nothing to do with god.........the organization I ceased to follow
• 

  purplesofa

  I had to add these.

  all the lonely people I met online 6 years ago that did what the society said and did not have contact with "worldly" people and suffered silently alone miserable ........begging for attention......some companionship.......friendship......anything but to sit alone at home every single night.

  Seeing people be judged on meeting attendance, service time etc etc......and not getting to know the person that was inside........being left out of things because of not being as active.....weren't we all brothers and sisters?

  the constant hate of worldy people and anything in the world, I could never relax or enjoy anything.........always having to be leary of "worldy" persons for this reason or that........then going to the KH and seeing they were doing the same to each other.

  thanks for letting me get these out too!!!!!!!!!!
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  AuldSoul

  Finding out there was supposed to be joy, and what joy really meant, was the first epiphany toward my leaving. I was 17. I am 33 now. I always heard, "Well done, good and faithful slave, what you have done is what you ought to have done." I didn't know this was two disjointed Scriptures crammed together until age 17. One refers to not thinking to much of ourselves and the other refers to receiving our reward.

  Respectfully,
  AuldSoul (of the "I Found Joy" class)
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  serendipity

  I never had joy. Serving Jehovah (as described by the WTS) was like trying to please my perfectionist mother, among other things. (I projected many of my negative opionions of my parents on God.) It was useless. I only tried to serve God because I didn't want to die, and I at least wanted to give my daughter a chance at life.

  Oddly enough, the "Draw Close to Jehovah" book resonated with me. I honestly looked at my feelings about God. I prayed and asked for help in getting over my negative feelings. Among other things, I also started to pay more attention to the Bible, and tune out the WTS rhetoric. I'm finally at a place where I have some joy. There are a lot of things I don't understand, but I guess that faith has to play a part somehow. And I'm convinced that God is much more merciful than the WTS portrays Him to be.