God does exist here is my nonbiblical reason:

by Curious Kitten 46 Replies latest jw experiences

  • Curious Kitten
    Curious Kitten
    (before you read I hope no one gets offended by the word retarted...that´s how I thought when I was 13)
    My mom and Dad are divorced and my father never helped my mother on raising us, so basically she was a single-mother. He just abandoned my three brothers and me and my mother had to work two jobs all of the time so we never got to see her. When we did see her it was after school, but all she did was yell at us, make food, and leave to her next job. I was always loved by all my teachers because of my effort and grades and I was an overall good-hearted person in general (I still am). Anyway I never really had a "family" It was like growing up abandoned just my brothers and me. So I developed a really strong relationship with school and saw it as my family. The teachers as my parents and the students as my brothers and sisters. That is why I was always a straight "A" student because I wanted to please my "family". After school I would feel depressed coming home just to be yelled at the whole time when all I wanted was love from my mother the little time I saw her. All she would say would be insults to us. I always had a connection with God since I was little. Let me make it clear I had a connection with God NOT with religion. I would talk to him eventhough he would never respond, but It was okay because I always felt that he was listening. At school my classmates would talk about their dads and I´d just sti there...of course someone would ask me about my dad and all I would say is: " I don´t have a dad, my dad is God." and I would feel happy I was proud.
    My mom´s yelling and un-loving behavior started getting to me and I fell into depression. I was thirteen years old and I started wearing all black and hanging out with the wrong people. I started talking less to God. All I would say to him was "I want to die". My life had no meaning it was dull and loveless. My grades started dropping and I would get called into the office to discuss the reasons. I would just tell them that I didn´t feel like caring anymore and I dropped out of TAG. Eventually I started skipping school and doing drugs and my mom had no idea. She never took the time to really care about us...I mean she had no time. She didn´t even know that I was in TAG or that I would get a million awards at school or that I was a straight A student. I learned her signature and signed everything since I learned cursive.
    So I started doing this easy to get drug (its an inhalant) and I would do it everyday and various times a day, too. I would inhale until I would faint. I would have these dreams. I was a ball of light and something was telling me like through energy that I was tainting myself and It was like seeing myself in my purest form.Well the ball of light (which was me) was speckled with some black spots. And I felt soooooo bad I started bawling. When I gained consciousness I woke up and I was still bawling. It was the saddest I have ever felt. Anyway I was thinking "Did God show me what I was doing to myself?" But I quickly replaced it with "I was hallucinating..its nothing that serious". So anyway I would do it again and inhale until I would lose consciousness. Again I would see myself as a ball of light. I could actually feel myself..like my energy and It was very sweet and loving...but It had sadness in there too. This time I felt some other type of energy telling me to please stop hurting myself. After I woke up I was of course crying and I would be like "Woah these "dreams" are weird". I didn´t listen to the energy telling me to stop and I did it again. This time I fell on a small couch, but I didn´t lose consciousness all the way through and I felt some dark energy , when I turned to get up from the couch the couch had a black hole in it and a HUGE tongue-like thing was trying to pull me in. I screamed and ran. When I ran I fell and I started crying. Okay so I stopped for a while after that. I was convinced that something or someone wanted me to stop...but I was not sure who..if it was an angel...idk I was perplexed.
    A few days passed and I forgot about the incident and I was planning on inhaling again. So i did....only this time something even bigger happened. I inhaled and passed out for like 5 minutes. I was still laying down when i regained conscienceness with my eyes closed. As I was about to get up to continue inhaling I felt a wall come over me and my eyes did not open. I was extremely scared! A million thoughts ran through my head: "I´m dead", "I´m about to meet the devil", "Is this hell?", "I´m so sorry"....etc. Then I saw clouds like different type of clouds. Energy looking. I felt a presence a GREAT presence. Let me describe it. It felt amlighty , angry, father-like, strong, but most importantly LOVING. I HAVE NEVER IN MY LIFE FELT LOVE LIKE THAT. I then realized it was not the devil. I FELT SOOOO HUMBLED I WAS IN AWE EVEN MY THOUGHTS FROZE. I did not see that presence I just felt it and he spoke to me...not in a language like you and I speak but It was different. It was like through energy like thunder like in a way that got sent to your heart and you would interpret it instantly and just understand. Any way I will tell you what he said in an actual language
    "Do you know who I am? Let me present myself to you. I am the creator...the Alpha the Omega. (He showed me a system in the way he controls and I do not know how to explain it) When you arise from your high do you think It is YOU that decides if you get up or not? Do you think it is YOU that continues to let you live? Do not think so highly of yourself, I decide.If you still lived it was because I DECIDED. You have been hurting yourself continuosly and despite the previous events YOU STILL DO NOT LISTEN. Do you not fear me? (At this time i felt like a piece of feces like I was so wortless compared to this being..but at the same time I felt like a part of him embraced me and hugged me and told me he loved me) NOW I WILL DECIDE WHAT WILL HAPPEN TODAY RIGHT NOW AS WELL. HERE ARE THE OPTIONS EITHER YOU DIE, YOU BECOME RETARTED, OR I GIVE YOU ANOTHER CHANCE AND I LET YOU LIVE NORMALLY. ( I was trembling and before I could even respond and say sorry he just left..the wall went away and I was afraid to open my eyes. When I did I started crying because he had given me another chance and I felt his love one last time and I cried even more becuase he showed mercy on me and I didn´t want that love to leave me. I felt is so close. I wanted to leave with him).
    Okay after that my life changed completely. I stopped doing drugs and hanging out with the wrong people. I do not drink or smoke or even go to parties.I changed back to the person I was before. I guess I just need some love.
    Okay so let me just tell you about ONE time when I tried doing the drug again after that. I KNEW I shouldn´t..but I lost fear. So i tried it I said "For old times sake"...THIS WAS A MISTAKE. IT WAS LIKE HE WAS WAITING FOR ME TO DO IT AGAIN. Anyway when I did it..the high was lasting longer than usual.I started freaking out because I felt like I was retarted..even drool would come out! I was like "okay I guess this is what I get for disobeying after he let me live." So anyway I was soooo sad and high at the same time. I went home and I got on my knees and started to cryy. The high would not end and It only lasts like top 3-4 minutes. Hours had passed already!! When i was on my knees I told him I was sorry and that I accept the consequences that I still love him and I know its my fault and to let me die instead. I was crying and of course asking him to give me one last chance eventhough i knew I didnt deserve it. Anyway some minutes after that the state of retartedness went away! I was so thankful. Again I started to cry because after everything I STILLLLL got another chance.
    So now I am currently a STUDY in the JW organization. There beliefs really appealed to me and they seem like really good people. They also answered all my questions and the answers satisfied me BUT I had mentioned my story to one of the sisters and she basically made my think SATAN was who I felt or it was because I was high..OKAY I DO NOT THINK SATAN WOULD WANT ME TO STOP DOING DRUGS and I MENTIONED I HAD REGAINED CONSCIOUSNESS BEFORE I FELT HIS PRESENCE. They said it was not God because he does not communicate with humans anymore. And I was like....??? Extremely confused because how then does he communicate with the JW leaders? So I am LIKE...do i believe what they say or do I believe what I EXPERIENCED? He has also done many things for me and big things too but those are other stories I´ll save for another day....so I just KNOW he exists. Okay ...what do you guys think or what are your opinions regarding all of this? I swear I am not lying.
    I started thinking a lot about this lately and I came to the conclusion since I basically had no parents disciplining me...he disciplined me? Ohhh idk
  • Village Idiot
    Village Idiot

    Welcome Curious Kitten.

    I'm not a believer but I appreciate your posting here.

  • cofty

    Hi and welcome to the forum.

    Okay ...what do you guys think or what are your opinions regarding all of this? I swear I am not lying.

    I believe you are telling us honestly what you experienced in your drug-induced condition.

    Emotional experiences are not a good basis for understanding reality. A lot has been learned by neuroscience in recent years about how our brains work and how these sort of events happen. There is in fact no devil to fear.

    I am really glad you have stopped inhaling and seem focussed on building a better life. I suggest you get back to using your obvious potential to further your education and find a career.

    Jehovah's Witnesses have often condemned education because they know educated people find it easy to see through their irrational teachings and false prophecies.

    Please keep reading about the Watchtower here and at JWFacts.com. Getting involved in a high-control religion might seem to offer certainty and friendship but it comes with a huge price in terms of personal freedom and intellectual integrity.

  • FayeDunaway

    Curious, I believe what you say, and I believe that because you did not have parents, God was there for you. I've heard stories like this before.

    Do not deny him and do not let the witnesses twist God from you. They think they have the truth but they do not. God is like the God who met you when you needed him. He is merciful and warm and bright. The witnesses God is petty and legalistic. This is not for you. Please go to a regular church and join a study group. All you have to do is walk in and talk to someone. I am so glad you stopped the drugs. Don't start again. You can be an inspiration to others. Much love.

  • Finkelstein

    Hallucinating on drugs doesn't prove god exists or he/it was talking to you.

    Throughout human history man has found various hallucinating compounds which taken internally delivered what was thought to be a spiritual experience, this notion of spirituality was preconceived in the mindset of the individual. Alcohol for example (wine etc), was called spirits in many cultures because when you drank it one was considered to be in the realm of the spirits.

    Consuming hallucinatory drugs changes your physiological make up and operation of your brain and its thinking processes, effecting ones psychological state of mind, hence I saw and witnessed spirits.

  • rebel8

    let me make it clear I had a connection with God NOT with religion

    I find it hard to believe that you coincidentally came to believe in the xian version of a deity while living in a society that believes in the same thing w/o getting any idea about it from everyone all around you.

    You had this idea in your brain, took a drug in order to hallucinate, and hallucinated about something you already believed. That doesn't make it true.

  • Curious Kitten
    Curious Kitten

    FayeDunaway thank you so much :) your words are very kind. I'd like to message you!

    Finkelstein lol...but I was back to normal when his presence arrived! I was about to open my eyes and get up when I got held down and couldn't open my eyes. I was thinking normally. I know what you mean...people used to use drugs to communicate with the spirit realm back in history and I think till this day. I know there are studies about drugs and hallucinations and that some people see "demons" or shadows while on drugs..etc ...but I did not witness spirits or shadows. I witnessed energies. I mean why would I hallucinate a superior being telling me to stop doing drugs? Instead of dancing elves or something or knowing what it feels like to be a sponge in the middle of the ocean? Bc those were some of the hallucinations I had before I started having the energy/spiritual ones.

  • Curious Kitten
    Curious Kitten

    Rebel8 I was 13 I never read the bible ...I never went to church my mom never talked about God. Basically all I knew was that God was the creator and that he listens when you talk to him. & I recently started studying with the witnesses.

  • GrreatTeacher

    Curious Kitten, I love your name!

    You have obviously had a tough time growing up without enough love. Humans can't function without it, though, so it's no wonder you became depressed. You now, I believe, realize that "self-medicating" with any kind of drug to try to numb the depressed feeling is a bad idea. A better idea would be to talk to a doctor about your depression because it really is a physical illness. It alters the way your brain functions. Talk therapy is a great way to treat it. It is effective and it actually rewires the way your brain functions. Do you have health insurance or access to a doctor?

    This is truly a bigger deal than deciding on God's existence. You must be healthy and thinking clearly first.Take care of you! You deserve it!

    Also, please consider that Jehovah's Witnesses are a high control religious group. They give "love" with a lot of strings attached. It is easy to recruit people who are depressed and feeling unloved because you are looking for something better in your life and their "love-bombing" feels great. Unfortunately, it is often temporary. Since it is clear that you are very intelligent and academically inclined, use those gifts to do your research on the Jehovah's Witness religion. The internet is your friend! Please research "high control religious groups" in general. Getting involved in them usually sucks more life and energy out of you than you end up gaining from what looks like such a nice group on the surface.

    Oh, and welcome to the forum!

  • OnTheWayOut

    This is virtually a mirror story to mine. My parents were not the least bit involved in my life while in school. I did well on my own until I discovered drugs and alcohol. I went from an honor student to a drop out. Anyway, I wasn't that hooked on drugs, mostly alcohol. I tried to straighten out on the drugs thing and joined the Navy (at a time right before they required a high school diploma or GED). Anyway, I mostly got away from drugs but alcohol was still a huge problem.

    Jumping ahead, I lost control of my life and drinking got way way way out of hand. I reached a point where I attempted suicide. I didn't have a conversation with "God" but He let me know that He saved me from my attempt. He let me know He would straighten out my path. My JW mother sent a really nice JW elder and another brother to visit me and it was clearly God's direction to me. The JW brothers agreed with me that God had interfered in my suicide attempt so that I could learn the truth.

    Jumping ahead again, it took me 20 years to figure out that "God" would not lead a person to that dangerous religion and that the whole thing was a product of my mind and hopes and anxieties. In my case, it wasn't drug induced, but it was mind-induced. While I stayed sober all that time (well.....almost) I never got the psychological help I needed back then about my drinking and why I tried to kill myself.

    One day, you will figure out that God didn't speak to you, nor have you go to Jehovah's Witnesses. Satan didn't do it either, but if you want to insist that it was supernatural, you will probably say it was Satan after you figure out what kind of religion your "great presence" allowed you to get into. Get some counseling from a professional non-JW therapist.

    There are tons of stories of people who were led to tons of different beliefs by God or Jesus after some horrible experiences.

    People who seek a personal relationship with God or who hope or expect that God will talk to them have had similar experiences. They will say that God talked back in a quiet voice they hear inside their minds, or through images that come to mind during prayer or while sleeping. But some also say God touched their shoulder, or that he spoke up from the back seat of their car and spoke in a way they heard with their ears.

    These experiences were commonly brief and rare. Those who reported them reported no more than a few of them and, for some reason most of these people didn't need to hear from God directly after awhile. They typically say these experiences were not distressing, but they were always startling.

    You probably, like most of the others, do not have a psychiatric illness. There’s a distinction between voices associated with psychiatric illness (often bad) and those (often good) that are found in the so-called normal population. There’s another distinction between those who choose to listen to a voice, if the advice it gives is good, and those who do not. When people hear a voice that gives them good advice, the experience can transform them. That doesn't make the voice any more real than the one that psychiatric patients hear, telling them to do bad. It just means you may have been under some duress or that you do, indeed, hear voices.

    This is important, because often, when voices are discussed in the media or around the kitchen table, the voices are treated unequivocally as symptoms of madness. And of course, voice-hearing is associated with psychiatric illness.

    But not all the time. In fact, not most of the time.

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