IDEA regarding my mother.

by RichieRich 43 Replies latest social relationships

  • Check_Your_Premises
    Curious why you feel the need to DA? I've faded for over 7 years, and my mom still talks to me.

    Yeah, I was wondering that myself RIchie? Less heartache for mom, you still get to talk to her, and since you still get to talk to her you are able to help her have a different perspective.

    I guess it doesn't have the closure or finality you might want. I think that dramatic crap is overrated. It's the small, simple, unspectacular things that will improve your situation over the long haul.

    If you do feel compelled to go through with your terribly thoughtful, clever, and wise (beyond your years as usual) plan I would make a few suggestions. Remember, the fundamental rules when talking to a person under mind control:

    1. Never attack the org.

    2. Ask honest, genuine, and humble questions that encourages and challenges the person to have a different perspective.

    3. Emphasize your decision to be a matter of conscience and a desire to be a good person, not out of a desire to be sinful. (Hey it might not be true, but assure her you won't be dating strippers. It is good to tell these lies to your mother.)

    4. Make sure to tell her how much you will always love her, no matter what. Conditional cult love loses to genuine unconditional love EVERYTIME!

    Take those comments that align with those fundamental rules and present those to her. I think the ones you want the most are the ones that just talk about how much we admire your wisdom, wit, and maturity without mentioning those qualities in the context of your opposition to the org.

    Take care bro. Everytime I read your stuff, I am bummed that we didn't go through that "real heavy drinking and puking" time of our lives together. Mine is long past. Yours isn't even here yet!!! Good times!


  • Check_Your_Premises

    Mrs Richie's Mom,

    First off I want to thank you for raising such a great kid. I am 34, and everytime I have talked with your son I have always been amazed by him. Much past my 20th birthday, I don't think I ever met a 17 year old I wanted to spend any time around. Here I am 14 years later, and I just get the biggest kick out of your son. He is without a doubt the funniest, nicest, wisest, and most decent 17 year old I have ever met.

    I understand he is taking a different path from the one you chose for him. As a parent I understand how painful that can be. The great, painful realization of parenting is that you realize you only have so much control over them. Eventually, they are going to do what they want to do, and become who they want to be. All we can do is watch and hold our breath. I wouldn't worry about your son to much. He just has to much going for him. Whatever the truth is, he has the intelligence and honesty to get as close to it as anybody. If he ends up in a different place then you, it would probably make a lot of sense to try to understand why. I sure hope I do as good of a job raising my kids.

    The other thing I know from speaking to him, is that he loves his momma very much. And he always will. My mother told me that "the only woman that ever really loves you is your momma."


  • Jez

    RR: I could just cry when I think about how cruel it is that you feel it necessary to have strangers tell your own mother what a wonderful human you are. It is like having to send a resume with references to your own mother in the hopes that she will come to her senses, see what she is losing and not disown you.

    I would be more than willing to compose a letter to your mother about you.


  • jgnat

    Thought one: Do you show your mom how much you are admired and loved?

    I'm strategizing for maximum impact here. Your mom freaks out easily and flys off the handle, right? She won't be seeing straight when you tell her it's over with the whole JW thing. I'd hold off showing her the "love" letter, hinting that it exists, and you'll show it to her when she is ready. Or leave it in dad's custody to hand over.

    I think, however, that there is great love between you and your parents, and she is going to miss you more than she can imagine. I give her six months before she'll cave and re-establish contact. I know I would. You're a sweetie.

    OH, and keep a copy of the letter handy for yourself. For the low moments.

    Thought two: To add to your thick little letter of love:

    Ritchie, you are so adorable I could pinch your cheeks. Your maturity, balance, and intelligence means you will be going places, young man, and doing many wonderful things to improve our old world. Any mother would be proud to call you her own. Tell your mom from me that she did a wonderful job raising you, and she has nothing to be ashamed of.

  • Jez

    One more thing:

    I agree with many of the posters here to wait....don't send the da letter in, just fade, and move. If at some point in your life you decide it is necessary, then do it. You are wise enough to know that while you are at the beginnings of your 'adult-brain' you are also still in your 'teenager-brain'. You are reacting, but self admitting, without reason. So wait, until you get some years of experience in life behind you, to make such a huge decision.

    It is kind of like when we got baptised...we didn't understand the true meaning of baptism in the sense that we could loss everything and everyone we ever loved if we choose a different way of life or path. Looking back, how many of us would have NEVER gotten baptised, had we known? MOST. Therefore, sending that da letter in, could be the same thing. You won't know the full consequences of your letter until it is too late and too painful. Think of your potential children not seeing grandma, your wife will not have a relationship with her motherinlaw, etc etc. There are unforeseen things that will happen, this is a huge decision, given your age, please give it some more time.
    Remember that we are just strangers that will pat you on the back for standing up for what you believe is right, but in the end, it is you and only you that has to live with your decisions. Jez

  • jgnat

    Except that, Richie is Richie and he's got to do it with flair. They won't forget him easily, that's for sure. I have this feeling that Richie is just not the fading sort.

  • silentWatcher

    [quote]They won't forget him easily, that's for sure.[/quote]

    I seriously doubt that. If you really want to get off the rolls, have someone call the Secretary of your congregation as the Secretary of the BumF--kNowhere congregation, and to please send them your publisher record card.

    I'm not sure you could be disfellowshipped from a congregation if they don't have your publisher record card.

  • MsMcDucket

    I would like to get my baptism annulled, too. I was under a lot of mental stress. My husband's surgery and all. I felt that I got baptized under duress...trying to please the people that I studied with. I didn't know all of the ramifications of what the baptism meant.

    Do you think that I can get my baptism annulled. I can have my shrink write them a letter.

  • Mr Rocky
    Mr Rocky

    Hi Richie:

    I too have always enjoyed your posts, a real thinker.

    I wish that you had a cause that felt near and dear to you to go out on. Especially since, if you go out with a bang you can use the publicity in your local paper just like we did. It accomplishes a lot. At the same time, if you go out with a cause, your mom will be proud of you for standing up for what is right, even if the Borg won't allow her to verbalize that.

    If you do compose a DF letter I think that that using an issue like the child molestion/pedophile policy works better. Here's a draft example of what you might write:

    Dear Mom,

    You always taught me to stand up for what is right even if it causes me great harm personally. This is also what I believe the Bible teaches and what God expects from us. All the great stories of the prophets of old and Christian apostles teach us that they stood up for what was right.

    In this vain I have come to find out that the policies of the Watchtower for handling pedophiles and child molesters hurts Witness children. Because of this and other irregularities, I have decided to disassociate myself from Jehovah's Witnesses for I can no longer support them by filling a seat at the Kingdom Hall. As we have been taught about other churches, one needs to leave them in order not to be included in their final judgment in the final days. I know that I am going to sacrifice my relationship with you for my stand but I have to do what is right in Jehovah’s eyes. I feel that in order to do what’s right I must not support Watchtower.

    I love you very much and always will. I at the same time I know that you have invested much time as a Witness in thinking that your salvation lies in with their organization. Therefore, I know that you probably will shun me and I will have to accept that inevitable event.

    Love Richie

    I have PM'd this to you as well - and you are welcome to PM me with any questions you might have.

    Best regards, Rocky

  • Mum

    Hi, RR. I am not a very regular contributor here, but I have been impressed by your posts.

    I can relate to not having a "reason" for leaving. I didn't either in 1979. All I knew was that when I had been a "worldly" person I was much kinder and more understanding than I had become as a JW. I also had my own truth inside of me, a sense that I was meant for better things than the dreary JW existence I had -- a sense that anybody and everybody deserved better. I was a basket case.

    You are smart to do this now while your life is in front of you. I applaud you.

    Best Wishes,


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