IDEA regarding my mother.

by RichieRich 43 Replies latest social relationships

  • AuldSoul

    GREAT idea, Richie. And I think you are not alone with regard to not having the buttons they like to push. There seems to be a lot of people your age that don't have those buttons.

    Of all the reasons I have read for people leaving, I like your reason best. "Not meant for the society" tells the whole tale. You are not what they refer to as "sheeplike," which means you are smarter than the average fluffy farm animal.

    Please don't be offended by the picture of you in drag...LOL



    It still amazes me how there can be such differences within the Borg as to treatment of DA'd or DF'd relatives. Most of the congregations I attended allowed for full fellowship with close family members. It's really sad that your mom will probably CHOOSE to have nothing to do with you. The PO in the last hall I attended (for 10 yrs) had his disfellowshipped son START working for him/ate out at local restaurants all the time, etc. The only time anyone got into trouble was for associating with people NOT related to them. In the hall that I attended in my teens, the PO's son was DF'd and the mother stood her ground and told everyone that she was HIS MOTHER and she would do anything she could to help him and she did!!! and does to this day!!! (20 + yrs). He is still disfellowshipped and told everyone he would never be back and he kept his word!

    Hang in there,


  • ithinkisee

    In my experience you can't hope to change a person at your first few confrontations. Just work at making a couple of significant points, and end it non-confrontationally - leave an opening for another conversation. But that is just my experience.

    It seems the best witness to your mom may just be how you live your life. That doesn't mean you have to be a goody-goody or anything, but show her that you can make choices and good things can happen even when not a JW. (Did I really just say "goody-goody"?)

    Honestly that may not even work for a few years. And to be even more honest there is a perfectly good chance she may never come around. But that's the breaks man ....

    I agree with others that the ball should always be put back in HER court. Put the burden of proof on HER and/or the organization. Then whenever she makes her guilt-inducing or humiliating comments to you, remind her that you are perfectly willing to come back to the bOrg, but you are "still waiting for her proof of [insert topic here]". That will shut her up. Don't let her bring elders with her unless you are up for that kind of tag-team situation. Tell her it is between you, her, and "Jehovah", and that she should be able to make a stand for her faith.

    I am not sure what you have thought about this, but you may want to even consider not telling her about your "apostate" contacts yet. Once she hears that the shields will go up and you will never get a point across - and even if you do she will simply dismiss it as apostate reasoning by that point. Let her chew on it for awhile (maybe months) before dropping any hints of apostate stuff. If she asks you directly - just lie and say "no way, I don't want to have my reasoning tainted" or some crap like that.


    As far as complimenting you .... um ... I'll have to give that some more thought .... I'll try and write something tomorrow!


  • Balsam

    Richie it is a good idea. Make a copy for you Mom and one for you to carry with you for the rest of your life. Your a great Kid and have so much potential away from that crazy religion. Your Mom is lucky to have you as a son and it is only up to her whether she will appreciate it or not.


  • Double Edge
    Double Edge
    I agree with others that the ball should always be put back in HER court.

    I've never been a dub, so by all means, take this with a grain of salt - but, since baptism is a "contract" of sorts, can't you claim that you were underage to enter into a contract and under pressure, not fully understanding what you were doing when you were baptised? Even Jesus waited until he was 30. my 2 cents.

  • ferret

    You do not say how long your mother has been a member, mine was a lifetime member and she

    would not budge an inch. 20 yaers after I left the borg she passed away still shunning me.

    I hope all the best for you. Aim high and you can achieve any goal that you want in life.

  • Honesty
    I guess that I'm just not meant for the society. I don't have the buttons they like to push. We just aren't compatible.

    With an attitude like this no wonder you will soon be a distant memory in the minds of the congregation.


    I will be more than happy to send an encouraging word to your dear old mum regarding how fortunate she is to have a son with intelligence and steel clad body parts.

  • Severus

    They say life is wasted on the young, except for our far-sighted Rich.

    Have you considered that

    1. You were baptized as a child
    2. You are not yet a legal adult (18 years)

    1 + 2 = you can annul your baptism.

    All you have to do is claim you were baptized "as a baby" and therefore is was not valid. Now that you have grown older, you have a different, wiser, viewpoint.

    If you wait until after you are 18, the Society will claim that you carryed your dedication into adulthood. Now is the time to act!

    Your mother will thank you for not having to shun you.

  • serendipity

    I think it would be best to establish as much common ground as you can (if you believe in God, the Bible, etc.) , to indicate that in retrospect, you weren't mature enough to get baptized, that you just can't live up to the WTS standards. Let her know that you take seriously the need not to live a lie (and include a scripture), which is why you chose to da.

  • Aude_Sapere
    Have you considered that
    1. You were baptized as a child
    2. You are not yet a legal adult (18 years)
    1 + 2 = you can annul your baptism.

    Oh! I really LIKE this one. If anyone could pull this off, our Richie would be the one to do it.

    All the best, Richie.


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