IDEA regarding my mother.

by RichieRich 43 Replies latest social relationships

  • CountryGuy

    You know, Richie, even those of us who don't know you that well would be willing to help you out. I have found you to be a very bright and thoughtful young man. I don't think that I've had any interaction with you, but I always stop to read your posts and threads.

    Best of luck to you!

  • evita

    Hi Richie
    I have followed your story with much interest. I am so touched by your love and compassion for your mom. And your acknowledgement of how much you will both lose out if she shuns you. I wish I had as much self-knowledge and insight when I left at age 22. Anything I can do to help let me know.

  • FlyingHighNow

    ALL mammas want to hear wonderful things about their children, even yours.

  • RichieRich

    Wow, so I think this is a good idea. I'm picturing a thick note, folded thrice and stapled closed with "i love you" written on the outside then stuck into an envelope.

    And as far as the baptism nullification goes, we'll talk about that on another thread.

  • schne_belly

    Ohhh's just sad that you even have to think about this. All the more reason for you to just leave this horrible org.

    I think it's a great idea. I'm sure you're mom will read the letter, maybe it won't reach her heart right away, but after time something will sink in and she'll get over the idea of you leaving and realize you are a wonderful person. You won't know unless you try....and whatever the outcome is, you'll know you did all you could to help her see the reason for your decison.

    We're here for you guy !

  • silentWatcher

    Hi Richie,

    Curious why you feel the need to DA? I've faded for over 7 years, and my mom still talks to me. The implicit "agreement" we have is that I never DA or DF. If I were in your shoes, I'd seriously consider simply fading away. When you fade, you can always say that "you need time to work through some things."

    good luck,

  • caryl

    If she is a 'good' witness, she won't read any of it......................

  • kid-A


    Wouldnt it be easier to just fade away? While I understand the purpose that a DA letter serves to the writer, I dont see the benefit in making them public. My approach has always been, just walk away in silence with a big smile on your face. When I left, I didnt burn any bridges, still have a great relationship with my parents and dub relatives and they just accepted that I was no longer interested. I can only imagine how things would have been different had a chosen the "drama" route of a DA letter. I always believed it was more powerful statement to just walk away, dont look back, and dont give them the satisfaction of admitting that they had enough power of your life that you needed to formally cut them off with a formal document. They are not worth the time or the ink, or the paper.

    Just my 2 cents! good luck!

  • Billygoat

    I know my opinion might not mean much, but I'll have to second those that are saying to rethink your DA letter. If I could go back, I would have done everything possible to STAY IN, but fade away...not that it matters since I was DFed, but you see my point. I could at least have a better relationship with the folks today if things were just a little different. Either way...good luck. You are one spectacular kid and personally, I'm proud of you. You are intelligent, witty, compassionate and you have tons of strength. I have always thought you were an old soul and I admire your courage.

    Love ya,


  • undercover

    I'm gonna throw in with the lot that says forget the letter and fade away.

    A couple of reasons: Why play by their rules? Why give them that authority over you? If you just quietly fade away, you can still associate with your mom and even some of your old pals (if you want). DAing yourself means to accept their definition of who can or can't associate with them. Why give them that satisfaction?

    You're a smart kid and wise beyond your years. Just remember though that some things that are done can't always be undone. While you may feel that you need to DA, if something like that just kills your mom and strains your relationship to the breaking point, why not consider her and your relationship with her in the coming years. Fading may cause you a little hardship but it may pay dividends in how your relationship with your mom will be 5, 10, 15 years from now.

    But, if you feel that DAing is what it's gonna take to break completely free then you must do what you feel is right for you.

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