im hurt, desperate, confused and considering this religion - advice?

by very_confused 55 Replies latest jw friends

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  prophecor

  You can trust in one thing for certainty, Jehovah's Witnesses thrive on finding distrssed souls such as yourself, in order to get you to realise all your fears, anxieties and thereafter, offer you a solution to your distresses in the form of a promised paradise. I don't knock what they're selling, so much, as I do the methods. The true desire of those who at the top, needing to push thier agendas, thier hidden agendas. If you stay here long enough, you'll have an opportunity to understand thier hidden agendas.

  They'll solve some of your lonliness issues by offering you a home (indoctrination process) bible study, inviting you to their Kingdom Halls and administering love bombings, just long enough to get you primed and prepped for thier allowing you to enter into the fold.

  You can be easily swept up in a euphoria of thinking you've found people who truly love and care for you, and some in all honesty may come to do so, it, however comes at an astronomical cost. They're in the process of finding those whom they can convert. Unless you submit to conversion, the likelyhood that they will continue to be your friend is slim to none. Its called conditional love.
• 

  drew sagan

  You've got many opinions from everyone here. Not much more I can add but this:
  
  Entering a system of worship will have it's pros and cons. The happiness that can be attained from making new friends and finally having a "purpose" in life can bring some temporary joy. But like all things, this will begin to fade in time.
  
  In your distress I encourage you to reach out to your creator himself if that is what you wish to do. If it's the Bible you wish to learn more about, then read it. Don't rest your hopes and dreams of happiness on somebody elses faith. Start to build your own.
  
  I really don't think any particular relgion will ever be able to solve your problems, or make you truley happier. Instead, you must be willing to comfront yourself, the issues you struggle with, and the faith you wish to build.
  
  Take your time and don't rush. Remember that if being a Christian is what you want to do, I would start by simply reading and following the teaching of Jesus. It seems pretty basic, but it might be a good start.
• 

  luna2

  Welcome to JWD, very_confused!

  You are never supposed to be offended by what other JWs do or say to you; but on the other hand, you are supposed to take extreme care and caution to never do anything to offend "the brothers and sisters".

  Good comments by all the posters, but this one by Scully really hit me. What she said up there is so true...and the more considerate and sensative you are, the more difficult this becomes. Talk about depression! You're trying your best not to offend anybody and it sometimes seems like nobody cares whether they offend you or not. It can feel like you're the only one making the effort.

  At any rate, as the others have all said, JWs are not the haven they make themselves out to be. They do attract people who are feeling depressed, unloved, lonely or at some low point in their lives. They make it seem like they have all the answers and, if only you become one of them, all your troubles will disappear. It's a false fix. As a new member of the org, you may get more attention, invitations, etc.., but this "love bombing" fades pretty quickly and the love-crowd moves on to another new face and what you are left with is an ever-escalating list of obligations to the WTS.
• 

  Spectrum

  Hi and Welcome Very_confused,
  
  (((((((Very_confused)))))))
  
  I can't really add much to what has already been said except that you risk falling even further into depression if you join this group.
  Your expectation will be set high by what you will initially see and hear but when the reality about them hits you you will have a much higher, heavier fall. You went to them like this was the last straw. This could be really disastrous for you as they would have convinced you that this is all there is, the true path, anything else is damnation. And then where will you go what will you do when you realise you can't hack their ways anymore?
  Find strength from within and surround yourself with decent people. It is imperative to be attuned to finding good people. Don't expect them to make you happy though. This I personally believe is a mistake people make. Friendships are partnerships. Sometimes you need company, help, laughter and sometimes your friend. Friends can look after your welfare to a certain extent but they can't make you happy from within. That's your job. You have to understand that you are worth as much as the next decent person and that's a good place to start.
  
  Keep posting.
• 

  Ticker

  Welcome to the board Very Confused. Depression is very hard and I have been plauged with it in the past. Like the others have said I would be cautious against making life changing decisions during a state of depression. I would seek some counselling and pherhaps you could locate a small non denominational christian study group. The Witnesses are a rather bad choice in boosting ones self esteem, since their system is regimented and friendship is based on ones allegience to it's central authority. Joining the Watchtower Organization could lead to adding to ones depression rather then helping it subside. Plus like stated the friendships their are conditional and not true. One can find true christian friends though and again this may be found in a smaller group of christian friends.

  Ticker
• 

  KW13

  i am only 17 so you are under no obligation to take this advice or even read what i have to say.

  JWs in themselves are usually people who were hurt at one time and ended up joining the religion, i know depression is hard to cope with but i got mine because of being a witness.

  As a boy my stepdad used to push me around and hit me, my mum kicked me out for going to church...i can tell you worse but all i am saying is that its dangerous, people gossip, there are many hypocrites and its just not worth the extra depression i got when i tried to leave!

  it destroyed my family, the are confused regarding homosexuals, for example my mum explained that homosexuals are sinners and can change with Jehovah's help, how can they change their genetic make-up? THEY CAN'T HELP IT!

  Once you join i see you are conditioned and changed as a person, the scripture ''bad association can spoil useful habits'' so i was kept from spending time with family, and all my friends were JW's.

  Do not please, i am begging you go for this.
• 

  fullofdoubtnow

  Hi very confused, and welcome to the board.

  I, like most posters on here, would strongly advise you against joining the jws. They are on the lookout for people who, like yourself, are down and depressed. If you show interest in joining them, they will love - bomb you and show you only the good side of their religion. They will tell you none of the rules, they come later, if you make a commitment. Once they have you, they will try to control your life, do all your thinking for you, influence all your decisions, tell you who you should and should not associate with, where you should go, what you should read, watch on tv, what music you should listen to and not listen to, and you would be expected to follow these rules without question.

  If that sort of existence, one could hardly call it life, appeals to you, then you will fit in very well with the jws, but my advice is don't go anywhere near them, seek help elsewhere through counselling, in the long run you will be much, much better off.

  love

  Linda
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  whyizit

  Wow. I read your post and it looks like what I would have written when I was your age! I suffered from clinical depression for over 20 years. I agree with most of the others. The last thing you need to do right now is dive into a legalistic religion. The BEST thing you could do is get in a support group, and take care of yourself physically. Stay away from alcohol and drugs, because if you are taking anti-depressants, you will be defeating the purpose of even taking them. I can tell you there is light at the end of the tunnel. After 20 years of a near suicidal life style, I started eating right, took my meds. as directed, and allowed myself to just be lonely for awhile. Within a month, I felt better than I ever had and now, it's been 14 years, and I feel like life has been progressively getting great! Don't expect too much from friends and family that don't seem to understand how you feel. My Mom seemed kind of indifferent, but after I started feeling better, I could see that she was suffereing from the same thing! Something I couldn't see when I was going through it, because I was turning too far inward to notice much about anyone else. Turns out, I come from a LONG line of it! And my friends just got sick of hearing it. That is why I really hope you will seek a support group with people who can understand what you are going through. Look for help lines in the yellow pages. But please don't jump into something that could make you fall into an even deeper depression. I've never heard of cults "helping" depressed people. I've only heard the opposite. Feel free to send me a message, if you want someone to talk to.
• 

  Es

  Hi and welcome to the board.

  Im so so sorry that you are going through this. i have been there done that just not as bad.

  Im with Ferret on this one you need pro help rather than the so called help of JW, dont make any rash decisions you will regret later on.

  es
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  jgnat

  You are in no condition to be making life-altering decisions. I'll repeat the excellent advice already given:

  1. What I would recommend to you, first and foremost, is to seek counselling for your depression and anxiety. You need to do some introspection and self-discovery to find the root of these conditions, and counselling can help you do this.

  2. Yes, and stay on your anti-depressants, don't mix them with street drugs, and give them time to act.

  I can assure you, if you take these two steps, your creativity will come back. With the reawakening of your soul, your life will have meaning. Only when you have your feelings back, are you in any condition to choose a religion. Do steps 1 and 2 first.