Hi ~ new here... (page 2)

rebel8

It's in the Friends folder. If you see the thread title at the top, try clicking on that and maybe you'll be able to view the whole thread.

The shunning rules have changed over the yrs. I think the current rule is no unneccessary contact with relatives not living under your roof.

The process of getting your status back is called reinstatement. Here are some search results for shunning. If that doesn't answer your questions, come back and we'll try to help.

Your son will be discouraged from having lots of contact with you, since you're not JWs, but there is no rule stating he can't have any contact with you at all. If that happens, you can try to reason with him by telling him God wouldn't want families destroyed. It may not happen though, let's hope.

IMO your quiet approach is very smart. Challenging his beliefs too much will just fuel his belief that all non-JWs are being influenced by Satan to destroy their faith. Saying a few things is fine, even btr, put it in the form of questions. More info here.

AK - Jeff

Riverwatcher -

Sorry for the pain you have at this time.

Grace [Mouthy] is on point with the religious matters. They will not shun you most likely unless you show signs of opposition. Any discussion will make them suspicious of that.

There are two issue here - First and probably foremost at this time for you is your grandbaby. By avoiding the issues here you will prob maintain a relationship. But as you stated they will soon begin to dump ideologies into his/her head that will not please you.

The second issue is that your son and DIL are in a cult - and that is of concern of course too.

The balance is deciding risk/benefit of leaving them in or getting them out [or trying to, this is not easy]. Not an easy choice here. Both have repercussions, short and long term. I agree with the suggestion to read Hassans books. Then read all you can here and elsewhere to see what you are dealing with.

No easy answers I am afraid. If they stay in your g-child will not have a normal life. If you attempt unsuccessfully to get them out and fail - you could loose all relationships with them altogether. Move with care.

If we can help we are here. As you walk this road, think eggs.

Jeff

Sirona

Riverwatcher,

Welcome to the forum!

I'm sorry you find yourself in this position. As everyone says, research into all of this is the key.

You have done well so far, so give yourself a pat on the back.

Good luck!

Sirona

NYCkid

Riverwatcher:

Hi and welcome, I'm also new to this discussion board but not new to being a former JW. I was born and raised as a 3rd generation Witness and was disfellowshipped or "excommunicated " about 12 years ago. I am currently 34 years old and finally am going to college. I'm now in contact with my parents and siblings but there were times where I was shunned because of my non-JW status. I haven't spoken to any extended family (cousins, aunts, uncles) since I left.

There isn't really anything set in stone about shunning nonbelievers but it is highly suggested that contact with "the outside world" be limited. Also they are kept busy with five meetings a week, weekly door-to-door activities, regional weekend conventions 3 times a year and of course JW-only social activities. There is little time left to spend on themselves, let alone with you and your husband. To that end, I don't think anyone can say when he will cut off contact or if he ever will. This will be up to him and his new wife. Certainly he will be encouraged by congregation members to be cautious with you. Signs you've probably noticed already can include the avoidance of holiday-related functions, birthday celebrations etc. All you can do is keep the line of communication open and be aware that eventually they will try to convert you and your husband as well. If he and his wife do begin avoiding you or state that they need to shun you because of your religious disparities, then try to remind them that you took care of them when they had no one else. You are his parents first and foremost and he has a responsibility to you regardless of what your religious beliefs are.

Unfortunately, if his wife has a family line/history with the religion, the outlook is grim because she will always be tied to the religion through her family. In order to maintain her status with her family she has to be a good and involved Witness and this will always affect her decisions.

Nevertheless, if they are both sane and considerate people they will recognize your right to be involved in their lives and will not allow their religion to interfere.

All the best,

NYCkid

Check_Your_Premises

With all due respect to Mr. Van Gogh, I don't recommend Crisis of Conscience as a first read. It is a VERY good book if you are a JW. But I have heard other non-jw's, and from my own personal experience, that COC is kind of hard to follow if you aren't/weren't ever a dub.

First thing you need to do is keep the trust built up with your son.

Second learn about cults. Helping someone out of a cult is a process, and not simply a matter of finding information to refute his belief system. You have to understand that mind control does not allow rational thought processes to penetrate the protective wall of the cult identity.

Next, learn about the JW. I am not sure what is the best choice here for an outsider. I sure haven't read a better one then COC. But there are hundreds of pages that left me with a ? One that isn't to bad for building an argument against the WT being divinely chosen is Captives of a Concept. It has a tight line of reasoning and relies only on JW literature to make it's case. That is nice because you can literally spend years unraveling the JW web of lies. Look for what has the mosts bang for the buck and will matter most to your son. You will find that the WT has been extremely arrogant over the years, and said a great many silly things. There is a site that is dedicated to simply quoting the WT, www.reexamine.org

Some more good info sites are freeminds.org, ajwrb.org, silentlambs.org, brci.org, jwreform.org...

Go to the hall with him. He will just be ecstatic! Meet the folks at the hall. Ask them about their personal lives. Don't let them put you in a charicature. He will try to get you to start a study, try to avoid that!

That ought to keep you busy.

Spend plenty of time here asking questions. Try to enlist other family members. What is the status of her family?

And if you are a Christian, pray. Alot!

CYP

tweety

Welcome Riverwatcher,

I have to agree with what NYCkid stated:

Certainly he will be encouraged by congregation members to be cautious with you. Signs you've probably noticed already can include the avoidance of holiday-related functions, birthday celebrations etc. All you can do is keep the line of communication open and be aware that eventually they will try to convert you and your husband as well. If he and his wife do begin avoiding you or state that they need to shun you because of your religious disparities,

Sad to say...being a JW for 19 years, I have seen this situation happen! Hopefully, the bond that you and your husband have with your son, this might not happen. Stay close to your son, Daughter in Law and grandchild as much as you can.

All the best to you

Dee

Riverwatcher

I can't tell you how much this has already helped me....just knowing that you all are willing to share what you know and what you've been through has given me a sense of calm. It's great to know I can get answers and insight from those who have been there. I thank you all so much!!

CYP, her family are all very devout....they basically marinade in the teachings of the WT. Go to all the meetings, don't celebrate anything, etc. We at one time lived closer to them, and we did try to get to know them better but found that there seemed to be this wall there. Hard to explain, but in addition to "the wall", there is always this phoney nicey-nicey bit that went along with it. Just didn't know quite how to take them, probably because even then, I knew in their hearts that they considered us wordly. This, combined with the nicey-nice act, just left me scratchin' my head!

Anyway, thanks again. I appreciate the links posted, too. Looks like I had better find time to catch up on some reading.

ozziepost

G'day Riverwatcher,

Welcome aboard! We're so glad you made it here even though you have such an agonising situation.

Many here can relate to what you're going through - me too. (see my profile)

My feeling is that you should just be yourself - don't play the witnesses game - it only gives the WTS some validity if you do. Rather, be the nice, loving grandparent and parent you always would be. If anything, continue to show how great and happy your life is - without the Watchtower!

Also recognise that this is going to be a long process - it's not something to get anxious about as if it can be 'cured' overnight, it won't be, but it'll take time.

In the meantime,enjoy your life with them.

Cheers from downunder,

Ozzie

YoursChelbie

Welcome to the Forum!

YC

serendipity

Hi riverwatcher, welcome to the forum!

It was good of y'all to take the daughter-in-law in when she had no one. Even though your son is a JW, do you think he is devout? Is it possible he just became a JW to please his wife? It seems to be just the fanatics who shut shut out non-JW family.

Hi ~ new here...

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