by pennycandy 38 Replies latest jw experiences
How about a simple: "No. Not very often." *shrug* then smile big and say something like: "But you know what I have been doing and found I'm really good at? ..." and tell of some project or activity that you are enjoying.
I like Jeff's comments, too.
-Aude.
btw - Sorry to hear about your grandma. That's sad. I still miss my grandma and she's been gone since '90.
When I was at the stage of being afraid of being honest (or, perhaps a better way to phrase it, when I worried what the Dubs thought of me), I would respond with something like, "At this time I am not attending the meetings".
But, if you are at a funeral or something, a practical thing to say would be, "I am here to memorialize my loved one (the decedant). I really don't want to discuss anything else at this time. Let's focus on what a wonderful person so-and-so was".
My new tactic is to make a joke that makes their question sound silly. My favorite, "Well, I'm just struggling with this serious heroin problem right now, so I only miss meetings when I'm high or selling automatic weapons to support my habit."
They usually laugh and say something like, "right, right. How's the family (work, house, whatever)?"
Of course, I've never been good friends with someone who would ask about my meeting attendance, so when I get that question it's only from people I don't feel obligated to discuss my situation with.
I like Aude's answer..I agree a funeral is not the time to start a soapbox...
Snoozy...
My favorite response comes from a still brain-dead and active JW ex-elder, "The best defense is offense."
Ask them why they would want to ask you something like this during your time of mourning over your loss. Be sincere and gaze into their face when you say it. Most JW's will back off in rcord time when you put it right back on them.
BTW, what caring, loving person would pry into your affairs when a relative has passed on? Most would be offering words of encouragement and love.
My dad died three years ago, he was a very respected elder in the congregation and although my family is in two halves (one side now 1.5 people witnesses the rest not) we all attended the cremation. It might sound incredibly stupid or naive but i went with a completely different hairstyle (i'm naturally curly but went straight) and didn't wear anything that I would have worn back in the day. It worked for a lot of the people there, especially the busy bodies who would have cornered and surrounded me - by the time they worked out who I was i'd scarpered and was talking to other people or had disappeared.
It didn't fool everyone though but it made me feel better knowing that i'd changed so much since i left and nothing any of them could say wanted me to go back, or even talk to them outside of the crematorium. I did get the obvious comments (and one person really p'd me off and i wanted to swing for him) but i smiled and said thank you for coming or you're looking well or thank you for your condolences and walked away. No scene, no members of the family glaring at me for being rude.
Of course, all situations are different but if you're calm and polite (despite what you'd like to say them or tell them where to go) and try and keep away from the people you know will give you a hard time it'll be ok.
Hope all goes well and remember, it may have been so long they'll hardly recognise you.
Hope all goes well and remember, it may have been so long they'll hardly recognise you.
You might help this along a bit with a fake nose and eyeglasses.
How about, "I live in (insert city name here) and the (insert KH name here) Kingdom Hall is just down the street. I just love my neighborhood and the people are so nice! Moving there has been one of the best moves I've ever made. How about you? How are things with you?" You're not lying.
I have been in that situation and my experience has been that the really nice people who truly cared for you and liked you when you were around, don't bring it up. The only ones that do are the annoying, holier-than-thou, gossip-loving hypocrites, that don't give a crap about you even if you still were active. Being that the case, I respond with a simple "If you are so concerned with my spirituality, how come I've never heard from you in the past __ years?" and walk. By the time they come up with an answer, you are 20 feet away.
Plus it gives the incredible satisfaction of the look of shock on their faces.
The only ones that do are the annoying, holier-than-thou, gossip-loving hypocrites, that don't give a crap about you even if you still were active.
If this is the case you could also say:
"Why do you need to know? Would it make me less of a person if I'm inactive?"
Or if you are in the situation that this would put the people you love in an incredibly awkward situation:
"I prefer not to discuss this at this time."
"Thank you SO very much for being concerned about my spiritual well being (insert BIG hug, enough to make them choke) if I ever need help I will be sure to call you first!"
meagan
