There are many here who have been shunned or dis-owned by family members who are Jehovah's Witnesses. The pain, hurt and agony over this treatment wreaks havock in our lives and at times to the point of being unbearable. After much deliberation and thought I came to the conclusion that for me to be able to "move on" in my own life I needed to express my feelings and be heard on some level by my family. I did it in the form of a letter. I would like to share it with you, as it may help those who may be at a loss for words and hopefully gain closure for themselves. I have gotten some great ideas here, for the letter.
A Letter I Feel I Should Share.
I'd love to see it! I just spent a few hours roaming around a small town while my wife and kids visited with her JW parents. It was actually fun, but it sucked that I simply wasn't allowed to come into their home.
If you're pasting it from Word, that won't work out so well. You need to paste from Word into something else, like Notepad, and then paste from there into here.
If you are having problems posting the letter you could try coping it into notepad first and then into the topic window. **Edited to say... Dammit Dave you beat me to it!
>> Dammit Dave you beat me to it!
Yeah, but you have a much better avatar. He won't even see my post! :-)
Oooops, Here it is.
October 27, 2005
I am writing this letter to you because I know Jehovah's Witnesses view the people of the world as bad because Satan is the ruler of the world and they are all controlled by Satan. You preach that they will all die soon at the hands of Jehovah at armageddon. Since I dis-associated myself, I am viewed as Apostate or as one of Satans Agents. I know this is the way you really feel and think about me because that is what you're taught. So I am puzzled as to why it's ok for me now to visit Ma at your home. It seems contradictory to have me there. It is like inviting a cohort of Satan's to your house.
Xxxxx, 10 years have passed by without me knowing where you live and certainly a lot has changed during that time.The invitation to your home does little to erase the pain from the words and actions that have been displayed to me in the past by you and the rest of the family. Let's be honest, I am dead in your eyes and in the eyes of Jehovah. So why would you even want me there?
I have not been included in your lives since I left the Watchtower. So what has changed? Don't you remember when You, Xxxxx, Xxx and Ma told me that you didn't want anything to do with me? I remember! All of you specifically said "I don't want anything to do with you", that was on August 20, 1999. Yes, it has been that long. Just over 6 years now. It was so painful to hear those words from the members of my own family. That pain is still with me today. All of you had made it perfectly clear that you did not want anything to do with me upon the termination of my membership with the Watchtower Bible & Tract Society Inc.
Many years have passed and none of you have ever called me out of real concern or to inquire about how I'm doing. Even when Uncle Xxxxxx was in the hospital, it was the Social Worker who called me, not the family. He had been in there for a whole week and all of you knew it, but decided not to tell me.
I know you want to somehow ease your conscience about not making myself available to Ma while she lives with you. It would bother my conscience too If I prevented Ma's children from seeing her in her final days. However, I can't help but know that once she passes on, everything will go back to the way it was and you and the rest of the family will dis-own me once again. I will not allow myself to be put through that pain again. I have been dis-owned once and I don't need to be dis-owned for a second time. The pain is just too much for me to bear. So I don't understand what it is that you and the family are asking of me? I don't intend on ever going back to being one of Jehovah's Witnesses. It would bother my conscience to be part of an organization that is deceptive and hypocritical.
Your religion teaches you to be no part of the world and yet, the Watchtower associated itself for 10 years with the United Nation as a NGO ( non-governmental organization) to gain Benefits. Yet, they have disfellowshipped brothers who joined the YMCA for simply wanting to use their pool. The Watchtower owns stock in Phillip-Morris (a cigarette company), and yet they will disfellowship those for smoking. they teach you that rape and child molestation are wrong and yet they tell you "do not take your brother to court it would bring reproach on Jehovah's name".
Unfortunately crimes are committed and hidden within the confines of the Watchtower corporation. You know that, just look at what happenned to XXXXX and her sisters. The Witnesses are no better than the Catholics when it comes to child abuse.
There's not much more to say. I strongly urge you and the rest of the family to check out some of these facts for yourself and examine your religion and the Watchtower Society to truly find out what goes on behind closed doors.
The reason why I waited so long to write this letter is because, I kept hoping for many years to see if the relationship between all of us would change for the better. Unfortunately it hasn't, even though I held out the possibility that somehow it would. I have come to realization that any type of "normal" relationship with you and the family is unattainable. I'm sorry to say the hope I once had is gone.
You need to know that until you are willing to accept me as a full time brother and a member of the family, I request that all of you keep to your word and have nothing to do with me. Being pulled in and out of your lives on "your terms only" just re-opens the wound I'm trying to heal. To accept the invitation now to see ma and the rest of the family "on your terms only" is too excruciatingly painful for me. Respectfully, I decline the invitation to your house.
Your Brother, XXXXX
WOW. What a great letter.
Wow, tough stuff! How'd they take it, what came of it?
Thank you for sharing this. I had not looked at it from that angle before.
AlmostAthiest.... So far I haven't heard a peep. To me, this is not fun and games. They needed to know my feelings on the matter and where I stood with all of it.
>> To me, this is not fun and games. They needed to know my feelings on
>> the matter and where I stood with all of it.
I hope I didn't give you that impression. If I did, I apologize. I had never before thought about the "glimmers of hope" our JW relatives flash now and again as 'reopening the wound'. In my situation, I miss my in-law's, but not that much. It's not like my own mother, or my own child was shunning me. I appreciated seeing how it's affected you and how you were able to articulate it. I hope that perspective can help me when I talk to others in your position.
I meant NO disrespect or anything of that nature whatsoever. Again, sorry for coming off that way.