The Elders Are Trying to Break up my relationship. HELP!!

by Proteus 31 Replies latest social relationships

  • lilvette

    I told her if could not stand up against her parents she was not ready to get married.

    Very simple, but very profound.

  • caligirl

    So sorry that you are going through all of this. I saw the same thing happen in the hall I grew up in. The couple were engaged, and couldn't resist each other, or didn't want to. Then they both get DF'd, and suddenly BOOM- hot and heavy relationship gone because they were told they should not get married now. I just can't fathom that line of reasoning.

    You have received some very sound advice here. Marriage is a BIG DECISION and a BIG COMMITTMENT that both of you have to be ready to make in order for it to succeed. Divorce is painful, and expensive and especially more so if there are children involved.

    If she is still so much under the influence of her mother, then maybe she is just not mature enough to become a wife. And less getting married while she is willing to let her mother continue to influence her will just make your life a living hell. It would seem to me that she has some growing up to do before she is marriage material. How long that takes is really up to her, but there is a reason that the bible says that the couple LEAVES their parents. A marriage cannot work if the parents still think, or are allowed to act, as if they have any authority whatsoever over the decisions made by a couple.

  • schne_belly

    MegaDude is MEGA right...

    Good luck!!


  • loosie

    Well she does need to stand up to her mother. Remind her that When mother speaks it is not the same as God speaking. My mother thought that if you didn't do what she said you were disobeying God.

    I was in a similar situation when I got married. We went off and got married without their knowledge or approval. We are still together over 10 years later.

    So it can be done, but she has to love you more than her mother.

  • Proteus

    Well Many thanks to all who posted. It all helped a lot. But I guess they decision wasn't really mine to begin with. My fiancee has chosen to end our relationship and I have chosen to leave the Org. Behind for good.

    Red or Blue

  • Legolas

    Sorry to hear that. I hope someday that the scales will fall off her eyes.

  • loosie

    I am sorry to hear that. Maybe someday she will realize what she missed.

    She can't get the same kind of emotional support from her mom that she got from you.

  • serendipity

    Hi proteus,

    I'm sorry to hear about this outcome. Maybe she'll come around.

  • jgnat

    Owwww, proteus, that hurts. Sorry for you, dude. If you need to unload, use the board.

    I'd like to see you succeed in the long run, find a sweetheart with some heart who will stick with you through thick and thin.

  • Darth Yhwh
    Darth Yhwh

    I can identify with how you are feeling. I had a girlfriend once who, under pressure from a "sister" she was studying with, broke up with me. Apparently from this "sister's" point of view the two of us were not ready or old enough to consider marriage. I think I was 16 or 17 at the time and I was devastated. I truly did love this girl. After some time apart we did eventually get back together but I had changed from the experience and ultimately we went our separate paths.

    I’m sorry to hear that your fiancé has broken your engagement off. Hopefully you can use this time to discover who you really are as a person outside of this destructive cult. You can find much support here.

    Welcome to the forum. I only wish that your experiences from here on out will be positive in nature.

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