i need some advise

by bayrhino 27 Replies latest jw friends

  • Ellie

    Theres not really much advice I can offer you I'm afraid, but I just wanted to let you know I hope it all goes well for you, and if you ever feel like giving up and staying with the organisation for a peacfull life just think of your kids, they deserve to know the real truth, welcome to the board.

  • katiekitten

    Welcome to the board. I really feel for you.

    I cant offer any advice, as I was one of the lucky people whose close family left before I did, and the rest that are still in are not that close to me. I even got all my childhood friends back as they all dropped out over the years.

    All I can say is that if you ignore your deep feelings you will get more and more miserable and irritable. Even the Witlesses acknowledge that the truth is clear and cannot be avoided. You have to find a way of recinciling your life with the truth you have found. It will involve losing some people though. Because they will choose their religion over you.

    If your wife understands you at least the most important person is on side.

    Best of luck with your dilemma.

  • AlmostAtheist

    Hi and welcome! Sadly, your situation is not at all uncommon. Here is an article from freeminds.org that might be of use to you: http://www.freeminds.org/psych/exithelp.htm (Inserted below)


  • Thegoodgirl

    Welcome to the board.

    Yeah, what everyone else said. Plus, so as to not feel too isolated, try to slowly build a life outside of the thick social ties of the family/organization. Possibly with workfriends, etc. But do try to bring your wife along. It will help take some of the fear of the unknown away from what will happen "in the world".


  • jaffacake

    Hi and welcome,

    Others are better placed to offer advice, so all I will say is take your time, try to stay cool, calm and collected.

    "Because they were not lovers of the truth Gods lets an operation of error go to them so they get to believing the lie" (or something like that).

    In essence, the leadership realises some of their doctrinal errors, like 1914 etc etc, but unity is more important to them than truth. Please be careful, there may be gentle ways to gradually introduce seeds of truth to your loved ones.

  • dedpoet

    Hi, and welcome to the board.

    I can't really add anything to what other posters have said, but I wish you well as you try to deal with what is obviously a very difficult situation.

    take care


  • garybuss


    You wrote: "how could i get out and still not lose about 50 of my family member?"
    Give THEM the choice. You are trying to make it your decision. Make it theirs.
    Sidebar . . . Did you own them? If you didn't, then they are not yours to lose.

  • sass_my_frass

    Wow, so sorry. I believe that the only people who really matter in this are you, your wife, and your kids. Everything you decide ought to consider only them. The rest of your family you probably love deeply, but it's your immediate family to whom you have a responsibility. Don't think that you have to answer to anybody else. You have too much to worry about, so cut it back to only them, I suggest, and focus on keeping your unit together. Be realistic about how to be a family if you're in and she's out. Talk about everything that comes up. Don't put pressure on her to change - you know how hard this is as a witness. Let her do all of her thinking in her own time, but don't let anything block communication. I'm a big fan of the 'fade'... especially in your case as disassociating yourself will put a terrible amount of pressure on your marriage. But as you have been very vocal so far it will be difficult to achieve - I'd suggest that you stop discussing it with other family and friends. Sooner or later you'll get one who doesn't like being 'stumbled' and will want you out, and you don't need that. I'm not saying that you should bottle this in forever, just take your time. If you ever eventually do leave, it will be more of a jolt than you can imagine, so prepare your life. A good thing to do is to start learning how to make non-witness friends. Explore another interest and that way you'll meet people you like and can relate to. You'll need non-witness contacts if you ever make the break, so start looking for other people you can be friends with.

  • serendipity

    Hi Bayrhino, welcome to the forum!


    I was in your shoes over 5 years ago only I was a former elder, pioneer, P.O.,and overseer of a department in K.H. builds. I couldn't fathom some of the things I saw going on in the elder body supposedly under direction of holy spirit. I started asking questions and reading everything about 607, 1914, l925 etc. as well as Ray Franz's books, Gentile Times Reconsidered by Carl Josson and some Preterist literature dealing with the prophecies of Revelation being fulfilled with the destruction of the Jewish system in 70 C. E.. I'm not going list all the research I have done or it would take all night. After getting my eyes opened going to a meeting or book study became torture and I could not comment any more at these meetings. When I was told about the Watchtower U.N. involvement from 1991 to 2001 as an NGO this was when I no longer could keep my mouth shut. My wife and 2 teenage children left with me, however I lost all my friends and immediate family that have been witnesses for over 74 years. Some people sit on the side lines and keep quiet knowing the things you know to keep the peace. To win your wife and children may take a long time but if you keep a low profile and just ask your immediately family thought provoking questions that require research on their part to determine the answers, their research to prove you wrong may get the results you are after. I couldn't sit on the sidelines and I don't call myself THE SHOOTIST for no reason. Being a straight shooter has enabled be to help over 20 JW's to find freedom with no regrets. This was done by asking queestions and making them do research, a lot of it in their own JW literature. Some major help came from research done in a small book call A Short History of the Bible by Bronson C. Keefer Copyright 1881. The information will be quite the adventure of discovery. My advice, keep your cool and research. Knowledge is dynamite.

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