Feeling a bit alienated

by factfinder 37 Replies latest jw friends

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  factfinder

  I notice mostly everyone at jwn was a "born-in". I actually chose to become a witness. I was born and raised Jewish but by the time I was 15 I had lost interest in Judaism and stopped practicing it. I met the witnesses 3 years later and was so glad they could answer my questions about Adam and Eve and the Messiah from the Bible. Then I discovered a childhood friend was in the cong. and that got me interested to attend. I loved the huge printing operation at Bethel and that very much impressed me. One of my brothers and I became ensared by the witnesses. There were things I liked and things I disliked about the teachings and things I saw taking place in the cong over the years, but I still believed in the paradise hope. I was extremly sad and dissapointed to discover the true facts about the WTS and was shocked by the NGO/UN news.

  I know most here, being raised as witnesses had no choice and had misearable childhoods because of being witnesses, thus when you were old enough to leave it, it was a big relief for you. You gained freedom you did not have before and most , it seems, never really believed in the WT teachings.

  But I chose to become a witness and believed in the WT teachings. While I'm happy now I no longer have to get dressed up & attend meetings and get up early to go out in fs, still, I feel very disappointed my hopes were dashed to pieces and the organization I once loved and was proud of has been proven to be corrupt and lying.

  It seems most here on jwn feel relieved to no longer be witnesses, but I feel disappointed it all turned out to be lies and "God's Organization" turned out to be a corrupt high control group and a cult.

  Lately I find when I read more and more posts against the wts I feel alienated.

  Everyone seems to feel that they are liberated from a religion they hated and never believed in and are very happy to be out of it.

  But I feel disappointed it is not what it claimed to be and I wasted 30 years of my life serving a make believe God with no reward after all.

  Does anyone else feel like I do?
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  Think About It

  I think I know what you are saying and feeling. It is sad to spend years in the org. then discover that there is no JW New System coming soon. If there is a truth and a reward for following it out there......I do not know what it is.

  Think About It
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  rebel8

  I notice mostly everyone at jwn was a "born-in". I actually chose to become a witness.

  I was not born in nor did I choose to join it. A parent converted me mid-childhood.

  There are lots of differences between me and most posters here but I come here to talk about the commonalities.
  
  It seems most here on jwn feel relieved to no longer be witnesses
  
  Yes
  
  but I feel disappointed it all turned out to be lies and "God's Organization" turned out to be a corrupt high control group and a cult
  
  Yes, it's disappointing to find out we are not actually a part of super-special chosen ones with unique relationships with the Almighty who are going to live forever in a paradise zoo. It's disappointing to find this out, no matter how you came to believe it.

  It is possible to be relieved and disappointed [and angry and....].
  
  Everyone seems to feel that they are liberated from a religion they hated and never believed in and are very happy to be out of it.
  
  Being very happy to be out of it and now hating it does not mean we are not disappointed. As far as never believing it, every dub with a frontal lobe has cognitive dissonance. Maybe you are focusing more on the comments about what we doubted vs. what we actually believed? Which would make sense considering that's what we talk about the most.
  But I feel disappointed it is not what it claimed to be and I wasted 30 years of my life serving a make believe God with no reward after all.
  
  I feel disappointed about this too, and angry that many years of my life were wasted on lies. But if most posters are like me, they tend to post more when they're angry vs. when they're sad (disappointed).
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  sizemik

  Factfinder . . . I know exactly how you feel . . . my story is almost identical.

  While it's true that being born in to the religion can be unpleasant, and rob you of plenty . . . being raised outside of the religion can be no bed of roses either . . . in fact it can be all kinds of hell on earth . . . and can make the JW version of the future seem like a lifesaver.

  I think some born-ins sometimes see the world in 2 dimensions . . . those born-in and abused by the religion . . . and those who converted and inexplicably left their "freedom" behind. Neither can be considered typical IMO. There is much more to things than that which merely appears to the eye.

  Rebel8 is correct . . . it is that which troubles us that get's talked about the most. It's also good for self-esteem to be able to say . . . "I never believed any of it anyway", when the deception becomes clear. But in terms of child-rearing, this is more an indictment on the failure of JW parents as much as anything else.

  But each of us is separated by our individual experience and motivations, as much as we are united by the commonality of the experience.

  It's healthy to understand the differences as much as the commonality IMO . . . thanks for the thoughtful and honest post.
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  sabastious

  The preaching work system is predatory by design even though the people that are experts at it have no clue as to what is actually going on. You mentioned you had problems with the teachings of Genesis. That, I suspect, was the crack they squeezed through.

  If the Watchtower's minions come across a person who is fed up with a past religious experience they use the Power of Organization to impress them as well as offer some "quick Bible facts" that shatter past beliefs they are disgruntled about. This incites anger and needs to cycle through quickly as this is the point where it is most obvious they are using the person's emotional state to their advantage. Once they have "cleared up" their doubts and shown them the awesome power of the Organization something changes in certain individuals. All of the sudden implicit trust is given when it is certainly not earned.

  It's all gravy once the trust is earned and trust comes with a dollar amount attached to it in the JW world as well.

  You are as victimized as the rest of us in my opinion. That's why I don't recognize a difference between born-ins and not because we all have been through hell and back at the hands of the Watchtower's mind control techniques.

  Different flavor of the same old crap.

  -Sab
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  factfinder

  @Think About It- thank you. Yes it is sad there is no reward despite God's promise at Hebrews 6:10.

  @rebel8- you bring out so many good points! We believed we were part of God's one and only true religion, with a special relationship with him and a personal assignment from him. (The kingdom-preaching work.) And we were going to get to be healed and live eternally in paradise conditions, a fully satisfying and wonderful existance, along with our resurected loved ones, friends and relatives.

  But you bring to my attention that yes, you can feel relief and disappointment and anger... whether you were born-in, or converted in childhood by a parent or choose to become one right out of HS. Thank you for bringing this out...many post more when they are angry, about things that upset them, rather than about their feelings of dissapointment that they also have. Thank you.

  @sizemilk- thank you too. I must admit I believed just about everything the WT taught. I really thought they were God's organization. I loved Bethel- well, what I thought Bethel was anyway. From the posts of ones who actually served there, I can see the image I had of Bethel was just that: an image. I did not know of the wrongdoing going on inside and the unhappiness felt by many serving there.

  @sabastious- thanks! Actually- I was very curious about what the Bible said about Adam & Eve and I fully believed the Genesis account. The fact that the witnesses seemed to know so much about the Bible and had so many books and magazines about what the Bible teaches just was amazing to me! I accepted it all. Yes, the WTS always condemns all other religions, shows itself as God's only Organization, and once it convinces you of that, yes- they have your full trust.
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  Vanderhoven7

  Factfinder,

  Thank you for sharing your experience and the disillusionment that you are still burdened with.

  Yes, the WTS was/is wrong and its' leadership unfaithful, but that does not mean that the Bible is wrong or the hope of a new heaven and a new earth is fallacious. I can find endless faults with the WTS, but none with Jesus Christ and His work and promises.

  My hope for you is that your faith will be renewed in Him alone.
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  sizemik

  Another thing to remember about those raised as JW's . . . they never experience the WOW factor when first encountering the JW's . . . and also the love bombing . . . and that's where our trust is secured. Also . . . children are sensitive to hypocrisy and injustice. Their simple and uncomplicated way of assessing such things is not as clouded by the complex explain-away reasons provided to adults.

  What I also find interesting is many (tho not all) of those raised in the JW's who leave . . . have spent a similar amount of time there as many of those who convert and leave . . . around 20 years or so. There may well be a common "life-cycle of belief" that simply runs it's course with certain personality types. As the disparities and shortcomings mount . . . the percieved benefits seem to diminish.

  While anger is the primary manifestation . . . dissappointment and embarrasment are often what fuels that anger . . . the emotions go hand in hand really . . . even though one is most often expressed.
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  still thinking

  Hi factfinder....I was never baptised a JW but studied and believed long enough that it was quite devistating when I discovered that the WTS was all a big lie...as for their teachings...I started with the idea that all were wrong since they were a lie...now...not so sure. Still thinking about that one...

  Sizemik...you describe my feelings quite well

  being raised outside of the religion can be no bed of roses either . . . in fact it can be all kinds of hell on earth . . . and can make the JW version of the future seem like a lifesaver.

  Maybe I was just after what seemed to be a bit of peace and security....stability...and the appearance of finally understanding what the hell it was all about. In hindsight...I was looking for something that doesn't exist. But hey, it was what I needed at the time.

  Nothing is EVER a waste of time...we learn from EVERYTHING we do and experience. I think it's what we do with what we have learnt that counts .
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  Quandry

  Oh, I believed it, hook, line and sinker.

  I was 21, and a young woman from work began to talk to me, and my husband and I studied and were baptised in 1973. I was "in" for more than thirty years...I definitely believed. I did, however, have some trouble when they changed the generation teaching in 1995. But it was actually the df'ing of my teen daughter and the horrible treatment meted out to her by the "loving shepherds" of the congregation that got my husband and I out, then I started reading about JWs on the internet and found this site.

  I too was devastated when I found out so many things about the history of the Watchtower. I so wanted it all to be true. I went through a long period of feeling alienated...not fitting in anywhere. After time, I have begun to adjust. I am in the human race-for better or worse. I somehow bought into the crap that JWs were different and better than everyone else. Turns out they just hide things more effectively than most.

  Give yourself some time. You have been disconnected from the collective. It is hard to function and get your bearings as an individual for awhile.