To disasociate or not to disasociate? That is the question

by Brother Beyond 40 Replies latest members private

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  Brother Beyond

  I have very recently left the JW's, my last meeting was in June this year. Since then I have had the usual visits by elders etc to encourage me back. They have stopped visiting now, but I still see people in the street. Some speak to me as if nothing has changed, and some are quite distant.

  More importantly, there is the family, my parents are very active JW's, have been since I was a kid. On the surface they seem to politely accept my position, but they keep asking me when im going to return. I know they feel very srtongly that I have let them down, as well as letting Jehovah down. I have also been told very firmly that if I disasociate myself then they will not speak to me or my children. This is in my oppinion going beyond even JW teachings, who leave it up to a persons concience to decide how to interact with family members who have disasociated themselves.

  Having said all the above, I feel strongly that I will not return to the faith. It seems to me that the only way that I can get everyone to accept my decision would be to make it more official through disasociation. Morraly, I feel inclined to disasociate myself, but practicly I know it would be the wrong decision if I want to continue to have contact with my family.

  What do you think I should do?

  BB
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  gumby

  feel inclined to disasociate myself, but practicly I know it would be the wrong decision if I want to continue to have contact with my family.

  I would go with the practical side. You can not return to the Organisation, and still have your loved ones.

  'Fading away 'has seemed to be the best option for most here.

  Gumby
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  drwtsn32

  If you want to retain some contact with your family, then be willing to put up with the occasional nag about "when are you coming back?"

  I don't plan on ever DA'ing myself.... IMO you are agreeing that the WTS still has some authority over you and you must play by their rules.
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  gumby

  If you want to retain some contact with your family, then be willing to put up with the occasional nag about "when are you coming back?"

  I don't plan on ever DA'ing myself.... IMO you are agreeing that the WTS still has some authority over you and you must play by their rules.

  That's a contradiction doc. Gumby
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  AlanF

  What you do depends entirely on your relation with your relatives. If you don't care if you have further contact, then you may find the closure of formal disassociation to your liking. If you want to have at least some contact, then don't do it. I think that burning bridges is almost always the wrong course. You also don't give them such a clear excuse not to talk to you, and you never know what will come from talking to JWs about things critical of their cult.

  AlanF
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  SpunkyChick

  Welcome to the board Brother Beyond!
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  xjw_b12

  Welcome Brother Beyond.

  I presume you have been reading some of the posts here. There is quite the archive. As AlanF mentioned, if you have family, then fading seems to be the consensus on this board.

  It leaves them hope you will return. It gives you the opportunity to remain in contact, and hopefully the chance to save those you love.

  xjw_b12 "Millions Now Living Will Never Die Know
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  Princess

  That's a contradiction doc.

  How so? I don't see it.

  We felt the same as doc. If we DA'd ourselves then we'd be submitting ourselves to their authority just one more time. Playing by their rules as doc said. In fact, when the elders finally did come to call to make the final judgement, one asked why we didn't DA ourselves. He said if he were in that position he would just write the letter. Steve told him if we did that, we would be following their rules and we just don't see any need to submit to them. We did not recognize that they had any authority over us and how hypocritical it would be to do so. He was quite puzzled.

  They read an announcement that we had DA'd ourselves and were no longer Jehovah's Witnesses. In fact, they are the ones that made that decision. When they asked if that is what we wanted to do, we told them it was entirely their decision. We could not care less. Semantics.

  We were fortunate to have all our family leave soon after we did, years before the DA. If we had to deal with family members still in, it would have been more difficult for us but we would not have done anything differently. We still have to live with ourselves. Bowing to their authority is not something we could live with, family or not. By the way, they waiting seven years before they finally called on us and DA'd us...and welcome.

  Rachel
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  gumby

  Rachel,

  The contradiction I was discussing was concerning 'the fade away thing'. Not telling the dubs WHY you are fading, keeps them off your back as would an outright honest confession as to the real reason. My point is, in THAT respect........some STILL have to 'play by their rules'. It's a catch 22.

  Gumby
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  DanTheMan

  I don't have any JW family, and was not a well-known or popular or "strong" JW.

  In March of 2002, after reading Crisis of Conscience and spending a good deal of time perusing this website and several others, I hastily wrote a very short letter of dissasociation to the local company managers.

  I regret having taken this action. I think that the best way to show that you no longer recognize the WT as your authority is to just have as little to do with them as possible.

  Of course, Bethel monitors this site, they know that many are trying to fade, and I think the org in subtle ways is trying to make this more difficult, so be very careful.