Since I last posted, my wife is now 100% of the opinion we've been lied to and that we are part of a false religion. Bear in mind this time last week I hadn't properly talked to her about my doubts. More on this will follow in due course. Anyway, we now have, IMO, 3 choices; 1. Talk about how we feel and the evidence we have that 1914 is false etc etc and then risk facing a JC and being DFd. 2. Fade and be labelled 'weak' by family and friends and thereby come over as being of unsound mind and have no one (family in particular) take us seriously ever again. 3. DA ourselves. Thoughts?
UPDATE : We Have 3 Choices
by passwordprotected 38 Replies latest members private
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WTWizard
Write down the consequences of each course of action. Be as objective as possible. What is the most likely effect of sending the disassociation letter? What is the most likely effect of fading? Will you be able to sneak out? What happens if you get disfellowshipped? Weigh the good and bad of each outcome.
Once you do that, you will have a clearer picture of what you want. If you find that fading is unlikely to succeed or that you will be shunned anyway, you might wish to spare the hassle of being hounded. However, you might think you can succeed or that you will be able to waste the hounders' time and gas by fading. Only you can decide what the risks, costs, and benefits are going to be for each course of action.
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BFD
Be true to yourselves. Everything else will follow.
BFD
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OUTLAW
There is a 4th choice..Just walk away and don`t go back.......It worked for me...................
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sweet pea
Welcome to the Twilight Zone!
You are totally spot on with your conclusions. The price of coming to the realisation that you've been lied to is the fact that if you choose to show integrity you will be ostracised, whether you fade or DA, whether you talk or whether your silent. If you stop going to meetings or become very irregular you will be considered weak and if you ever voice doubts you will be considered 'dangerous'.
Personally, I would go down the fade route and see what happens. That is the best way to be able to help other JW's escape in the long run. On the other hand, you could always be looking over your shoulder for people to snitch on you if they catch you doing /saying something you shouldn't.
There are pros and cons for every option - take your time, there's no hurry here. I wish I'd waited 6 months before I said anything to anyone but when you're in that initial period of discovering you've been lied to, it's a very emotional place to be and easy to act in a way you may regret later. -
Finally-Free
If you can be bothered writing a letter, don't write it to the elders. They'll use the generic announcement saying you're no longer a JW, and rumours designed to demonize you will be spread. Everyone will think you are something vile. If you write a letter, send a copy to everyone except the elders. That way everyone will know your real reasons for leaving.
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Witness 007
Yeah fade...BUT tell some Witnesses how you feel has so far worked well for me.....if my mum died I would be naked in front of Bethel protesting!
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mouthy
Wonderful news to hear the wife is understanding /
I would fade if I was you.Dont matter weather they think your weak,"When I am weak I am strong"Better be strong outta the "lie"than weak in it
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wings
btw....awesome news about your wife!
Take time....don't hurry....
Also, seems like family and friends are the most important consideration you have. Spend some time here are read others stories about lost family, and the "fade" and how relationships change.
Just a note, you have already entered into a place where you will never be taken seriously again by any JW, that is a done deal. It is a matter of time before it is realized.
wings
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jamiebowers
It depends on whether you have family who you hope to help leave as well. If so, take the time to soften them up before you take any of the three options open to you. Best wishes!
...OUTLAW