I have posted several comments regarding my situation, but I haven't really gotten into my story. I have read many posts here, and I have found it beneficial, but I would like to get more out of this forum by sharing my story. I will try to make it brief... but it involves almost 9 years of my life. I met my husband at my place of employment, he was a customer, we talked and hit it off.... my girlfriend and I had a joint b-day party, our b-day are 3 weeks apart, we were turning 27 and we were both single, so we invited tons of people our age, he was one of them,he came along with his brother and 2 friends. We all had a great time! Although at this point we were still just friends. This was in Feb. In April, I was having a b-day party for my daughter, I invited him, he did not come, I thought he was a little apprehensive about a kids party, I was okay with that, we were not dating, just friends. In May, he had a b-day, his friends were taking him out to the local party district, and celebrating his b-day, I bought him a bottle of Goldschlagger, I did not go out with them, it was a guys thing! A couple weeks later, he asked me and my daughter, to go out with him and his brother, and his girlfriend on the boat for Memorial Day, I said "yes", this marked our first official date, we went boating and to a VFW barbaque. Needless to say, the relationship blossomed, we spent everyday together for the next 2 months and he proposed in July, down on one knee, with a ring, to be married in October. I, stupidly, said YES!!! We had an outside ceremony, performed by a friend at a local golf club. We had 200 guests! We had the wedding march, toasts, all the usual stuff. The reason I mention this is because, I had NO idea of the religious affiliation, which is my fault because we rushed into the whole marriage. I should have known more about the man I was marrying. My daughter at the time of meeting my husband was in Pre-k at the same Catholic school I attended. At the time of our marriage, she had just started kindergarten at the same Catholic school. We married, honeymooned, and found out I was pregnant the following month. Then the problems began. Problems I thought were because of his age, I was 27, he was 23, I had a daughter, he had never lived on hi own, now he was married with a kid and one on the way, I am sure he felt like he was drowning. I lost his job, the first of many I might add, and he had been employed at the same place for 3 1/2 years when we married. I had a good job, self employed, made decent money, I think he though I had more than I did. In retrospect, I think he wanted out of his parents house, and they wanted him out!!! I knew his parents went to "church"(that is what he said), three days a week, I thought they were Baptist, because they went on Wed. nights, I had been friends with kids growing up that went on Wed. they were Baptist. My husband, never went, the whold time we dated, or the whole time we were married for that matter, we went once to the Kingdom Hall for his brothers wedding. We have 2 sons together, they are 7 & 5, they attend the same Catholic school as my daughter, they were baptized, and my son will make his 1st communion in May. My husband celebrated every Christmas, Easter, B-day, Thanksgiving, etc. for the past 7 years, until I filed for divorce. I should have filed for divorce, before my 1st son was born, I truly knew then it wasn't going to work but I can honestly say., I gave 110% to try to make the marriage work. The reason the marriage failed, (my opinion), he was and still is a LIAR, he would go out all night and not come home, he drank, I found drugs in our home, he was diagnosed with depression, and would take the antidepressants, that should last a month in a week, His mother(JW) would give him antidepressants, of course she has Fibromylgia, and depression, and has ever medicine known to man, takes DEMEROL for a cough, have you ever heard of such a thing it is a PAIN medication. He has had 16 jobs in 8 years. He has anger management issues, has been arrested for domestic violence, and in my opinion he is bipolar. Anyway, he finally moved out in June. He gets our sons every other weekend, our divorce is not final, because he wants 1/2 of my business, and he wants me to sell the house, which I don't want to do, in order to have some STABILITY in the kids lives. In Oct. he started taking the kids to the Hall, only on his weekend and on Thurs. nights, he gets them every Thurs. night. Now, here is the part that ANNOYS me, he only goes to the hall when he has the kids! Can someone explain how this works to me??? He was never baptized JW to my knowledge. But don't they see, that if he is only going when he has the kids then he is not commited. He is only going to bother me. And the reason it bothers me is because it confuses the kids. They go to Catholic school, they have b-day parties, they go to b-day parties, they celebrate Christmas, and then they go to the hall. I just think it is so hypocritical??? Our divorce is going to trial, in Jan. and any iformation I can get to help me get through this without hurting my children will be GREAT!!! Please respond! Sorry this is SOOOOOOOOOOO LONG, feel free to ask questions, I will gladly answer.... Dana Oh, one last thing, on the weekends he doesn't have the boys they go to church with me, as they always have.
Divorcing an EX/JW
by Dan0406 29 Replies latest members private
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Dan0406
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RubaDub
dan
Very interesting but a bit difficult to read.
Breaking things into paragraphs would be helpful.
Rub a Dub
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Dan0406
Sorry, it is so hard to read, I will remember to break up the paragraphs next time.
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Lady Lee
First things first - WELCOME
Next - You've come to the right place
and now
Go to this link and download this article Preparing for Child Custody Cases; Legal Department, Watchtower Bible and Tract Society of New York, Inc.
Make sure your lawyer has this. And you need to read it very carefully.
Even if he isn't that strong don't bet on the grandparents pushing him to indoctrinate the kids. And if he doesn't do it the grandparents probably will.
My hunch is that when he has the kids he goes to visit his parents. It seems to be typical of many men to have the kids for the weekend and really go to grandma's house so she can take care of and feed them, although I could be wrong. And that might be why he goes to the meetings only when he has the kids.
If you've been here long enough I'm sure you have read some of the stories. If not I think you might find most of them in the The Best of... I'm married to or dating a JW.
and finally - good luck. Your kids need you to fight for them. But I realize you already know that
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jgnat
WHY is he being hypocritical and only going to the Kingdom Hall when he has the kids? Because...
he was and still is a LIAR, he would go out all night and not come home, he drank, I found drugs in our home, he was diagnosed with depression, and would take the antidepressants, that should last a month in a week, His mother(JW) would give him antidepressants, of course she has Fibromylgia, and depression, and has ever medicine known to man, takes DEMEROL for a cough, have you ever heard of such a thing it is a PAIN medication. He has had 16 jobs in 8 years. He has anger management issues, has been arrested for domestic violence, and in my opinion he is bipolar.
That's why.
This is a man deep in denial. He left the JW's on the outside but they are still there in the inside, twisting his guts and his mind with guilt. I think you are right, he never grew up. Have your documents ready for the court date. If the courts are like anything they are here, you won't have to give up the family home. You, and the Judge, will want stability in your children's lives. Judges have good BS meters. He won't be able to fool the Judge.
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garybuss
Get full custody of the children if possible. If not possible get full custody regarding ANYTHING medical and he gets no vote on medical issues. If he gets visitation, press the judge to not allow him to expose the children to Witnessism OR to take them to meetings OR allow anybody to expose them to Witnessism. This can be a life and death issue. Fight for it.
I don't see what country you live in. Give your attorney a copy of Preparing For Child Custody Cases written for Witnesses by the Watch Tower Publishing Corporation. He will decide if it has value to him. Use an attorney experienced at dealing with Jehovah's Witnesses. They can give weasel lessons to the weasels. -
Dan0406
jgnat,
You are absolutely right! They were out of his life, but not out of his mind, or heart for that matter. But he did live a LIE for 8 years, I think that is why he drank and LIED and everything else he did, because he was not being true to what was in his heart. I have my children in counseling, and Dad has attended twice, the Psychiatrist says he is in total denial, and very negative. I am not trying to save the marriage, I have tried. I just want to preserve my childrens lives.
I could have gone into alot more detail about the things his mother did. But then I would be here all day. She was manipulitive and deceiving from the start. Obviously, not upfront about being a JW. Ofcourse, I did not ask. But all the things that took place at my wedding, were totally aginst what they believe in. (only I didn't know that then)
My middle child, oldest with my husband, is having the most trouble. My husband and inlaws, have told him, that I do not love him. That I only love my daughter and youngest son. This came out with the counselor. Also, they have told him that the BIBLE says NOT to CELEBRATE the holidays, that is why they don't. In other words, they are saying your mom doesn't listen to the BIBLE.
I am going to read and print out the information about custody, and I appreciate it all your help, all of you. I find myself, reading and researching on a daily basis. I am scared to death for my kids. I am scared what this is going to do to our bond as a family.
I am not scared of losing custody of them, that is not an issue. Custody will not be decided at trial, it is the visitation schedule and money issues. I do not feel like I should have to share holidays with my soon to be ex husband if he is a JW!!!
Please continue with any questions or advice, I am taking it all in, and it is therapuetic to talk about it! Thanks!! Dana
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ballistic
Sorry to hear about your troubles, regards.
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jeanniebeanz
If you cannot get them away from the witnesses, you may lose them and any grandchildren in the future. They will shun you based upon their beliefs as witnesses, whether or not you were ever a witness if they turn zealot later in life due to their brainwashing.
J
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Dan0406
I had not even thought about medical issues! Thanks!!! This was almost an issue when my first son was born. My blood and my husabnds blood was not compatible and there was talk of a transfusion, the in laws were LOSING it, husband and I agreed whatever needed to be done. As it turned out, he did not need one. Again, I am going to print out information for my attorney! Thanks so much!
Also, we are going to have joint custody, with me being primary residential parent.
I do think he takes the kids to his Moms so he doesn't have to deal with them alone, as far as homework, bathing, feeding, etc. But for the most part, this man hadn't been to the HALL long before me, he is doing it to be HATEFUL and VINDICTIVE!!