You know, I'm going to risk sounding really bitter here, but I dont care - cas all you guys have seen every emotion in me and apparently still like me, but I see post and post again about bipolar men, agressive men, downright bastards, and I've spent 17 years trying to find a woman. I constantly come back to , what am I doing wrong?
Divorcing an EX/JW
by Dan0406 29 Replies latest members private
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Dan0406
I definately realize I could lose them.. And any future grandchildren, etc. That is why I am here. The methods of deception and brainwashing are working, I have to take them to counseling, and myself to counseling in order to learn how to deal with this, without looking like the bad guy!
That is my main problem. My husband, talks to the kids about adult issues, and puts his opinions and feelings in their heads. So far, the little one isn't going for it.
The counselor says that the older boy, has wanted nothing more than his dad approval. long before we seperated, and now that Dad is out of the house it is harder for him to get. He feels secure with me and is sure of my love. But even before the seperation, when Dad was here, he wasn't an attentive father. Many thanks again!
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Dan0406
Ballastic- You are absolutely right! There is something about the bad guys that women are attracted to, NO MORE! It is immaturity! I feel for you, that you have spent 17 years trying to find the right woman, but think you could be in my shoes!
I thought I found him! When really it was the excitement of something NEW! And, when the dust settled, I am left with A HUGE MESS!!
And please know, that I had a hard time leaving this marriage, because I didn't want to FAIL!! And I have failed my children terribly! Understand, I know that things are going to be better down the road, but the whole thought process is to marry, have children and live happily ever after! But it was not as it seemed to be, that is why they are called FAIRYTALES!!!!
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Seeking Knowledge
You've described my ex almost to a T. He has fought me over the dumbest things, and not once taken into consideration what is right for our son.
He lied, and cheated and is trying his darndest to come out of all this smelling like a rose as well. He married a nice JW woman and "all is well" and SHE is the one that takes care of our son when he visits his father. When it comes to me, I'm a non-entity to them. If I express a concern to my son's father over anything I get the glassy eye'd "um hmm" stare and nothing comes out of it. He fights with me for the sheer pleasure of watching me lose my mind. The wife doesn't help at all, even insisting that my son call HER "mommy". It's crazy...and neither one of them stop to think of the affects on my son, it's all about them thinking that they are above me and I don't have any right to how they are when they have my son. (He did tell me that..."what I do with ---- is none of your business".....yea....right....)
We share custody as well, and it happens that our visitation days fall on his "meeting" days. I had no clue, and frankly, the custody hearing went so fast I didn't have time to go "uh wait a minute". Now I'm back in court with a new lawyer, and he's losing ground. (there is so much more) but the judge has already informed us that she will not make a decision based on religion. It's up to me to prove to the court that what his father is teaching him is harming him. We too will probably seek the attention of a counselor to handly my son's behaviour problems. Now that I'm armed with a helluva lot more information than I had going in the first time, I'm hoping for a good outcome. On the plus side, I at least had the foresight to make sure our custody agreement does say that he has NO say in medical. Altho it's just paper to him, he'll do what he wants because he believes that is his right to do what he wants with his son, and that is what scares the crap out of me.
Hang in there, you just keep telling your boy that you love him and nothing will ever change that, keep taking him to your church and keep him involved in other things. Fight on! All of your children deserve to have happy lives!
SK
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jeanniebeanz
BTW, I neglected to welcome you, Dan0406. Welcome!
Hope you find the help you are looking for here and I sincerely wish you all success in saving your children from this destructive sect. It sounds like you've got some work ahead of you to save your business too... Good luck!!
Take care,
Jean
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Dan0406
Seeking Knowledge, When I first came to this site, I read some of your posts, and our situations are similar. I appreciate your insight.
I wasn't thinking about the meeting night when we went to mediation in August, because I never thought in my wildest dreams that he would return to the KH! Same with the medical stuff, you must know that these weren't things that plagued me. I wasn't worried about any of the brainwashing and mind games about religion until he started taking them to the hall. How old is your son, if you don't mind sharing. My oldest son is 7, youngest 5, and daughter from previous relationship is 13.
I knew he would talk bad about me, he did it our whole marriage to me face in front of the kids, so I was prepared for that. The counselor said exactly what you just said, I have to continuously remind my boys, how muc I love them. And how much there Dad loves them. I don't bash him at all.In fact, I build him up!
I am hoping they will see that! If not soon, in the future!
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Lady Lee
And I have failed my children terribly!
No you haven't. He has!
You are doing what is necessary to protect them. If the therapist and lawyer are for it push for full custody. Shared custody can often mean he gets a say in medical treatment. You really don't need that headache in any emergency situation.
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garybuss
A marriage can't succeed or fail. Marriage is just a partnership. Either it is productive and rewarding or it isn't. A marriage that produces children is productive. The children are a joy and a pleasure, and that's rewarding. That just about only leaves abuse, neglect, or addiction as a deal breaker.
Seeking happiness is never a good reason to form a partnership and it's not a good reason to end a partnership. The care, education, and the security of the minor children is the number one job of the parent. Everything else comes after that. My .02 -
Seeking Knowledge
Yer just copying & pasting my posts aren't you????
We sound the same...when we went in for our first hearing, he was the same as your hubby, nothing..but he had an agenda & I underestimated him in a big way. He's not someone who can think for himself, he absorbs other's personalities and he has turned into this complete idiot so much so I wonder what the heck I saw in him in the first place. What can I say? He knew what he was doing when he asked for specific days, I thought he was just being agreeable!
My son is 4...will be 5 soon. His father is currently in the middle of a separation from the she- but of course now that we're going to court, they are going to provide a united front. The judge isn't fooled tho. I have a 16 year old daughter from a previous relationship who loves her brother like no other and is VERY protective of him. But she also knows that her feelings for his dad are not to be in front of her brother and she does pretty good with that.
All I can do with our son is like I said, I tell him that I love him, his father loves him and we only want the best for him. I also tell him that just because his father says something, doesn't make it right and he needs to ask questions. He's not a dumb kid, but I know he's "afraid" of his dad and wants to make him happy. I tell him that no matter what, I'm here for him and nothing he could do would change the way I feel for him. I do take him to church with me every Sunday as well, and he enjoys it. I don't shove it down his throat, but I do ask him questions & try to get him to "understand" what he's learning. It's hard. This is a learning thing for me as well but I'm SO GLAD I found this sight. I mostly lurk, but when there is a posting that I can contribute to, I do.
Feel free to PM me anytime....oh and Welcome by the way!
SK
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Dan0406
Lady Lee, As of right now the custody is shared. We agreeed to that in mediation. When we went to pretrial conference this past week, they said the only issues to be decided are visitation issues, and equitable distribution(MONEY)! I have forwarded all the custody information from the website to my attorney! And we will see what my atty. says. I am not sure how this works! Thanks a ton, Dana