Amazing,
This is a great topic! A few of the women have completely spoken my heart, which I will mention later. But I guess I didn't ever feel that the WTS was that oppressive, but just my father.
As an American soldier in Japan, when my parents divorced, it was decided that my father would have custody of me and take me back to the states. A half-Japanese child would fare much better in the US than a half-American child would fare in male-dominated Japan. At least that's the story my father tells me. But I do remember him saying that my mother had a real problem with the fact that he'd let me talk when company was around or that I would get a choice of what to drink for dinner. I wasn't a good Japanese female child if I was allowed those types of independent freedoms. But as a small child I remember him being an excellent father. He listened to me. Gave me choices. Encouraged me to speak my heart. It was when he joined the borg that things changed...and drastically. I began getting regular spankings for minor infractions. Which after just months escalated into full-fledged beatings/abuse. His need to control my thoughts and actions was obvious to me even as a small child. I didn't understand what wa happening to my daddy. I just thought I started being a really bad child. Of course, as an adult I see the ridiculousness of it. I'm still working on healing from that. But I think I'm doing okay. Anyways, here are some of the things that other women mentioned that really struck a chord in my heart.
Xena
I have only been out for about 2 years and honestly I still struggle with this issue...I sometimes have trouble making my own decisions and thinking for myself because I was programed not to...and honestly I can be sensitive to criticism from men at times because I perceiving it as another attempt to keep me down.
Me too. It took a long time for me to figure out that I had control of my life. Even in recent years, when faced with a big Life decision, sometimes I still had a tendency to want Dad (or the man in my life!) to "fix it". And when they didn't I got pissed. It's really just been the last couple of years, where I've truly
felt independent. I've just realized that my life is my life and I am the one to decide where it's going. Nobody else. That really is a freeing thought for me. Like I had a blank piece of paper in front of me and I could draw whatever I wanted. It was fun!
Also, coming from a household where everything I did was questioned or criticized, I also have a tendency to be thin-skinned when a male authority questions my decisions/beliefs. Years and years of protecting my heart aren't going to go away overnight. So at least I'm aware of it and try to go easy on myself. Nowadays when someone is critical of me I take it at face value and realize I don't have to follow their advice. My life is my life. I thank them for their advice, consider it, and make my decision.
Wendy
Due to my father living a double life, I always questioned authority.
I saw from an early age that my "exemplary" father didn't live by the standards he preached to me. It was okay for him to ready porno magazines when Mom wasn't there, but if he found out I was watching "Bewitched" then I was a disobedient child. Ugh. Makes my stomach churn just remembering it. As I've gotten older and spent more time with his "worldly" mother, the more I realize the appeal of the WTS to my father. She was an overbearing, abusive, bitter woman who never approved of anything
anybody did - her firstborn, my father especially. I think he looked to the WTS as giving him the authority he always craved in the household.
I never really trusted any of the males, especially if they looked too perfect to be true.
This is a BIGGIE for me. I still struggle with trusting males in my life. I think this is also a biggie for me because my father changed so drastically when he joined the borg. I've learned the hard way that trust is earned and not to automatically serve my heart to someone on a silver platter. It is only with a few men in my life that I can truly feel safe with. And it's because they've proven themselves trustworthy. Neil and his father being two of them.
So I never had a problem speaking my mind, often times I was "counseled" for my behavior but it never slowed me down. I saw many woman though bow their heads and take it, but I rarely did that.
I like the fact that I am an intelligent outspoken woman. I am not a raving lunatic, although that's what I probably was as a fresh exJW.
I hadn't ever been taught self-control or good social skills. Those were learned over the next several years at the expense of many of my personal relationships, but they were learned nonetheless.
Personally, I am proud that I've escaped the WTS and still turned out to be a decent human being. With what many of us have gone through (men and women alike!) most of us should be in a mental ward somewhere with padded walls and straight jackets. It reinforces my belief in the strength of the human spirit. In all honesty, I'm proud of a lot of us here. It's obvious with such a diverse group of people that we're all at different stages of maturing, but we are maturing. Sometimes in leaps and bounds and other times in baby steps. But progression is the key. Sometimes even those stagnant points in our lives are necessary to grow in the future. I think respecting the individual's life and where they're at is so important!
I'm sorry to have rambled so long. Maybe I'm just being a mush-pot because of the holidays!
Andi
